logging onto xanga after so long brings back memories.  just to get a few things off my chest

i just bought tickets to go to prague, vienna, and budapest this september with lynn.  sorry in advance for all the people i promised to visit around the world this year, i won't be able to make it because this trip will make me broke.

jj - where did you go - in life and on line??

my purse was violated on the subway today. 

it is one of those crowded evenings on the subway where you learn to keep your eyes down to avoid awkwardly staring at a person whose face is 6 inches away from you.  there is an old man wearing thin gym shorts facing me.  i start to assume my standard downward stare position when lo and behold i see that this guy has a humungous boner on my bag.  in a flourish that can only come from a combination of disgust and intrigue (who knew such old men could get so hard) i take aim at his crotch and ram up purse upwards and out.  i quickly avert eye contact, feign innocence, and turn up my iPod. 

i almost made a grown man cry yesterday.

yesterday i was eating lunch with a new co-worker and making jokes about his moving into a new apartment in jersey city next month.  there is a uncomfortable silence.  and then all of a sudden out of the blue, this guy starts pouring his heart out about how the reason he's moving to jersey city is because he can't afford a bigger place after his recent divorce after a 10 yr marriage and how his kid and wife are moving all the way to illinois and how he thinks his wife never really even liked him too much in the first place and how she mainly just seemed to tolerate him.  there is another uncomfortable silence as he and i try to act like that it was a completely normal thing to blurt out while eating lunch, and as i scramble to think of comforting words to say to someone i don't really know without sounding patronizing or insincere.  i've never done divorces or child custodies before.

and the whole time, besides making a mental note never to eat lunch with this guy alone again, i'm wondering if i'll ever get to the point where i'm sobbing my worries to a complete stranger (while sober).  and wondering when breakups and makeups become divorces and remarriages or maybe divorces and remarriages are just really expensive breakups and makeups.  and wondering how many of my happy co-workers around me are actually hiding from horrible personal lives.

the lunch was so awkward that running into borgthing on the street on the way back was actually a relief.

Today i lost a poo-off with some lady in the bathroom at work.  according to pooping bible How to Poop At Work below:

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.  Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

a poo-off, on the other hand, is when both parties need to poo and are sitting in stalls waiting for the other person to leave.  this goes on until one person either leaves without poo-ing or breaks the one pooper at a time rule.  we must have sat on those toilets for 5 minutes without a peep until finally i was like fuck this shiet, i could be doing other things like checking my email or surfing the web. 

before i left, i snuck a glance under the stall at her shoes.  mrs. black rockports - next time you won't be so lucky.   i will uncle ted you until you have hemmorhoids.

it's okay to make fun of yourself (and your loved ones).  i'm kind of like that straight man who feels comfortable wearing pink.  anyways, before it gets any more heat, i'm going to bump that picture down with something stolen from shing.  i thought parts of this might be applicable...

Being Twenty-Something    
      
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
      
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.     
             
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear  life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.     
             
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.  You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
           
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.   

xanga - my former love affair.  the lack of impetus to xanga comes from me being extraordinarily free and relaxed these last few months.  but since last week when i started having homework again, i've become anxious and antsy and unsurprisingly able to take the 20 min it requires to update.  xanga - a mistress who shows leg at all the right moments.  work is busy.  school is busy.  cupid is busy.  i will blog.

i remember once writing that when people haven't been on xanga for a while, it means that a. they dont' have access to internet, b. they got boyfriends, or c. they gave it up for lent. 

it took me a really really long time to get used to the idea of being in a relationship again - probably longer than most people need to get over getting out of a relationship.  but in my defense, i had a lot more to overcome than your typical girl. 

1) uncanny resemblance to danny fang
2) accordingly, constant use of the nickname stanny wang
3) danny fang flirting with me because he thinks i secretly want him

tada!  me and stanny wang in boston -