| This entry is dedicated to all of my wonderful Barnes & Noble co-workers as well as the ignorance of Leawood, Kansas (and to Jessic Newman, who feels my pain). These are actual quotes from our Baristas and customers. Enjoy! (P.S.- B= Barista; C= Customer; M= Manager)
~B: "Can we discuss the possibility of getting a radio in the back for some quiet entertainment while closing?"
~B: "Whipped Cream on the Vanilla Crème Frappuccino?"
C: “I didn’t order that.”
B: “What did you have?”
C: “A plain one.”
B: “A plain what?”
C: “All I know is, it was brown.”
(A little explanation here: A vanilla crème frap is not brown so this person had NO idea what they were ordering.)
~B: “I just wanted to remind you in case you didn’t know.”
~C: “Do you have coffee?”
B: “No- we’re a coffee bar, we serve coffee, but we don’t have any coffee… I did not mean to say that out loud! It just slipped.”
~C: “Do you have hot chocolate?”
B: “Um… yes… we have chocolate and milk…”
~C: “Do you have milk?”
(Enough said)
~C: “Cookies… is there beer in them?”
(This came from a customer on St. Patrick’s Day.)
~C: “Do you know what the Matrix is?? Because you’re in it.”
“Are you a terrorist?”
(Same customer, same conversation. I kid you not.)
~C, pointing to kitchen door: “Do you have a bathroom back there?”
~B (aka ME): “Hi there!” (to the only customer in line or around for 20 feet)
C: “Who, me??”
~C, searching through her purse : “…and I have a frequent flyer’s card with you guys…”
B (aka ME): “It’s not gonna get you very far!”
~C: “Everything’s better when you add fat to it!”
~B: “Wow! YOU got lucky today! …I mean, good soup…”
~C: “I love your mom!”
~B, referring to coffee: “I need a house with no room.”
C: “No, a house with a little room.”
~B: “I just hate water, it tastes so awful in my throat!”
~C: “I’m really blunt, very straightforward… which is probably why I’m hangin’ out with myself tonight…”
~B #1 (aka ME): “Usually people mark the cup the other way.”
B #2 (aka Allison): “Well, I’m not usually people. Yeah, figure THAT one out!”
~B, to a timer that was going off: “Shut up. No one likes you.”
~C: “Where’s the restroom?”
B: “The back of the store, children’s department.”
C: “Where’s the back of the store??”
(Shall I hold your hand and help you find the potty?)
~B: “Would you like the house Blend or Verona?”
C: “Horse. I mean, horse. I mean, HOUSE.”
(Rightttooo…)
~C: “I’m just going to have a cappuccino, grande, dry- with 2% milk, half-caf if you have it, with an extra shot, and sugar-free vanilla. Could you throw a splenda in there for me? Oh, and can you make that extra-hot? Thanks.”
(JUST…??)
~C: “What does hazelnut taste like?”
B: blinks
~B: “They’re both talls and there’s two of them.”
~C: “Is this mine? Oh, wait, I didn’t order yet.”
~B: “Room for cream in your coffee?”
C: “Yes, and leave room for cream.”
~B: “Would you like a large?”
C: “NO.”
B: “Medium, small?”
C: “Yes, small medium.”
~C: “You can’t hassle me! I’m a frequent drinker!”
~B: “A customer just complained that It’s too cold in here.”
M: “Well, what did they order?”
B: “A frappuccino.”
M: “Well, there’s your problem. Just tell them to order something hot.”
(Good logic on that one.)
~C: “Can I have a caramel caffe mocha, iced. No, wait- a caramel macchiato, iced. No, wait, what was it? Oh yeah, a caramel mocha frappuccino. No wait, what was it? No, no, no! Just a caramel frappuccino. Yeah that’s it. With whip cream.”
~C: “You don’t have… Oh, ok- you DO have coffee. I think I’ll have a pepsi.”
~B: “Would you like a chocolate chunk cookie with that?”
C: “Oh, go away.”
~B: “Did you want the coffee cake for here or to go?”
C: “For here… no, wait- just put it in a to-go cup.”
~B: “Is that a REAL $20 dollar bill, Steve?”
M: “I don’t know- I just made them last night.”
~B: “Did you need room for cream or black?”
~C: “So, all you have are refreshments for drinks?”
~B: “Hi, how are you?”
C: “A tall mocha.”
~B: “Hi! Can I get you something to drink while you look at our menu?”
~C: “I ate the rabbit’s head.”
(Note: we later found out she was referring to a CHOCOLATE rabbit on Easter…) | 
