What A Roller Coaster

I've been incredibly blessed the past few weeks.  I've been pretty busy with things that have gone on, but luckily for me, everything that has happened in the past week has happened one right after another...rather than all at once, which I prefer.  If things would have overlapped for the last week, I would have been overwhelmed.

I got all moved back into my apartment finally, 4 weeks after the big flood and it is great to be home....still trying to find enough time to move all the way in though :)

The day after I moved back in, I started having car problems (basically, when I turned the A/C on, I smelt gas....and no, not like I had just gotten done with a Mucho Sancho) like my gas line was shooting up into my A/C.  So I took it into the shop and was without car for 5 days.  Luckily, it got all fixed, and you don't realize how much you miss transportation until its gone.  Big props to my head honchos at My 93.1 for lettin me borrow the HitMobile for a few days :D

So I get my car back on Tuesday, and Wednesday comes along.  Now, this middays gig is only temporary (or swing in radio jargon, if ya were wondering) and I've been working on trying to get a full time, permanent position with the company come January 1st, when I'll be totally done with school.  I go to talk to the big big boss at the station, and he shocks me by basically lining out a plan to get me to stay.  Now, its nothing on paper, and its several months away from happening, and many things could knock it out, but I was quite happy.

However, I don't keep all my eggs in one basket, and decided it was important to branch out and just drop my name in some other markets in some other places....I'm not at liberty yet to discuss those, and all of them are extreme remote chances.  It's not like me to keep my mouth shut about anything is it? Kinda surprising?

So here comes today and the downer of the week.  I get word from my main mom that my great grandfather, Cecil Stafford passed away this morning.  Now, my great grandpa was pretty old, 96 to be exact, and had been sick for a while, and it was probably his time to go.  So instead of being sad about it all, I was thinking about how great of a guy he was.  He lived through WWI, WWII, Korean, Vietnam, and both Gulf Wars.  I had the honor of being his first great grandchild, and he handed me my first car, and totally helped with the expense of college, none of which I asked him to do.  I got to give him the nickname of 'Grandpa Great' which now all of my siblings and cousins called him.  My favorite memory was having the opportunity 6 years ago to play golf with him. A 90 year old man (at the time) and 15 year old playing golf together. I played on my H.S. golf team at the time, and he beat me! It was quite a sight.

Anyways, I'll be heading home to go to the funeral, and there's been a tad of family drama, so if you could keep my family in your prayers for the next few days, I'd much appreciate it.

Have a good one, and leave me some love!

Deathbed by Relient K feat. Jon Foreman of Switchfoot
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

The year is 1941
I was eight years old and far, far too young
To know that the stories of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother made up for a son

You see, Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the teacher
Mother had sworn he went off to the war
And died there with honor, somewhere on a beach there

But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought like he abandoned me

By '47, I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up, yet I still lit 'em up
For thirty more years, like a machine
[Deathbed Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear the sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

Got married on my twenty-first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When a father inquires with the barrel of a gun

The union was far from harmonious
No two people could've been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I'd realized I hadn't been loved yet myself

From there it's your typical spiel
Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel
I was helpin' the loose ends all fall apart
Yeah, I swear I was destined to fail, and fail from the start

I bowled about six times a week
A bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
Our marriage had taken a 7–10 split
And along with my pride, the ex-wife took the kids

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I was so scared of Jesus but he sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs it's killing me now
And I've given up hope on the days I have left
But I cling to the hope of my life in the next

Then Jesus showed up, said, "Before we go
I thought that we might reminisce
See, one night in your life, when you turned out the lights
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness

"You cried wolf; the tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, 'What have I done?'
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

"You said, 'Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you' "

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear you whisper to me
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

I am the way
Follow me and take my hand

And I am the truth
Embrace me and you'll understand

And I am the light?
And for me you'll live again

For I am love
I am love

I am love

~Tommy

The Shadow Proves The Sunshine

So, its definitely been over a week since I've updated, and a lot has gone on. Been pretty busy working and hanging out with people that I've met while in Hutch. I can definitely say that its been an adventure hanging out with my good friend Tug who works at KWBW radio here in Hutch, and it was great fun catching up with Dallas Stephens, who I had lost track of when he left Southwestern in 2005.

But it's a new week, new responsibilities, and new things going on.  But thank God, no natural disasters or anything of that sort to report on.

First off, this Saturday marks the first live broadcast from Salt City Splash here in Hutch from 2-4, and that will continue every Saturday for the next 2 months.  Also, this Saturday is my debut in the circus.  No joke.  I get to ride an elephant for the radio station....so I definitely think if you wanna come out and make fun of me, you definitely should.

But onto the meat of this post.  Rather than brooding about how lonely I am, or talking about how I wish I had a girlfriend again and all that jazz, which really doesn't help much...I figure I could give out some practical information about break ups, and the best ways to deal with those heartbreaks.  It helped me out tons, and now I pass it along to you:

Whether it's been two minutes, two days, or two years since you've been unceremoniously dumped by the so-called love of your life, one thing is certain: It sure isn't easy to forget and move on. Will you ever stop feeling those painful twinges when you hear his or her name in passing or stumble across an old photo from when you two were together? Well, in an effort to heal your wounds, we surveyed lovelorn folks who found themselves suddenly single, about what helped them through the tough times. Here are seven real-life tactics that helped heal some broken hearts.

Tactic #1: Court Your Career
What It Is: Post-dumpage, you're going to find yourself with a lot of time—time that's often spent getting misty over the past and brooding over what went wrong. Of course, you could also dedicate that time to another person who'd be happy to have it: Your boss. Work keeps you feeling busy and important, and it doesn't hurt that the added praise and success will boost an ego that's been battered by a breakup.

Proof It Works: Ben Morrison, an education administrator from Toledo, OH, found comfort in his cubicle after the demise of a three-year relationship. "Talking about my ex only made me dwell on her, so I purposely threw myself into my job," he says. "I got incredibly productive at work right after that breakup," says Morrison, who wound up with a promotion.

Tactic #2: Focus on the Negative
What It Is: No matter what happened between you and your ex, you can spend a lot of time thinking about giving things another (ill-advised) shot. So whether it's an old-fashioned pro-and-con list that you read when you want to ask your ex out again or a print-out of a blistering email you were sent during a fight, seeing the pain in black and white can keep you from going back to a bad situation.

Proof It Works: When Heather Andrews, an attorney from Leawood, KS, had yet another horrible fight with her boyfriend, she vowed not to break down and call him, which was how they'd reunited in the past. "I knew that to stay single, I had to stay off the phone," she says. "So I put notes by my phones both at work and home with reminders of truly awful things he'd done or said. Whenever I felt the urge to call him, I was reminded of all the reasons I chose to get out of the relationship. It worked wonders!"

Tactic #3: Make Out and Move On
What It Is: Ask your friends what you should do to get over an ex-boyfriend and you're likely to hear, "You've got to go out and meet a new guy!" (If you're a male seeking advice, it's something more like, "Let's go drinking and get you some ACTION!") But simplistic as it sounds, getting back on the market ASAP has helped dozens of single people recover from a bad breakup. A new date won't ever replace your ex—and you wouldn't want to, after all, since that relationship didn't work! But diving into the dating pool can make you feel attractive to the opposite sex again, give you new things to think about, and — ideally — eventually land you a new partner.

Proof It Works: Scott Harrower, an advertising assistant from Arlington, VA, spent years in an on-again, off-again relationship until he finally cut the cord. "As usual, the 'guy advice' worked—I went out, met people, and hooked up," says Scott. "A new crush gives you something to worry about instead of re-analyzing every detail of the old girlfriend."

Tactic #4: Shush Yourself
What It Is: When your heart is bruised, it's cathartic to complain about it to your friends, whose very job it is to pump you back up. But this chatty habit can become a hindrance if it keeps you from moving on—often, just talking about your ex is a way of feeling some emotional connection to the person, even if that feeling is a negative one. If you think you're guilty of too much talking about your past love, put an embargo on this kind of moping: You can keep a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you're about to bring your ex up. Or train yourself to see a mental stop sign when you're about to stroll down memory lane, or ask your friends to not indulge you in nostalgia talk.

Proof It Works: To get herself to stop pining over her ex, Sarah Clark, a writer from Port Washington, NY, put her money where her mouth was. "I told a friend I'd give her a dollar every time I said my ex's name for one month—and $50 if I said I missed him," she explains. Three dollars and two weeks later, Sarah was neither talking nor thinking about her past amour.

Tactic #5: Pump Yourself Up
What It Is: Turning your rage into fuel for a workout is better for your body than eating Häagen-Dazs, and better for your criminal record than slashing your ex's tires when you see his or her car parked outside a new date's place. The plusses are plenty: Going to the gym fills the time you would otherwise spend sulking at home, exercise releases chemicals that will actually help you feel less depressed, and you'll boost your confidence because you'll find yourself looking hot to trot.

Proof It Works: After being burned by her ex, Brittney Cason of Harrisonburg, VA, couldn't get away from him. "It's a small town and he's the local DJ, so I'd hear about him all over, even while having my teeth cleaned," says Brittney, a creative director. "Not a lot helped me, even diving into my old hobbies, because I just kept thinking of how we used to share them. But working out finally gave me the perfect way to burn energy, and it was insurance that next time we ran into each other, I'd look great and make him regret what he did." Good for the heart, indeed!

Tactic #6: Go All Natural
What It Is: No matter how this-is-the-end-of-my-life-as-I-know-it your single-hood might feel at first, spending a bit of time outdoors — whether it's a regular hour-long walk or a week-long destination retreat — can help you put things back in perspective. It's hard to feel hopeless when you're admiring natural beauty, and standing next to the ocean/a lake/a mountain reminds you that there are bigger things out there than that last fight about your laundry habits. Plus, being alone with your thoughts makes you focus on you as a person, ridding you of the temptation to relive your past as part of a not-going-anywhere couple. In nature, your body tends to reach a more peaceful, stress-free state—and ideally, your mind will follow.

Proof It Works: "The more you just sit around at home, the more you run things through your head, which results in your idolizing this person you're hoping to forget," says Adam Durham, 23, a civil engineer from Durham, CT. "The one thing that always clears my mind is getting back to nature. It gives me a whole different — and better — perspective on life."

Tactic #7: Trash It
What It Is: Getting rid of old reminders of your ex can seem heartbreaking—like if you throw away that shirt your ex left in your closet, you also risk throwing away all the good memories. But hoarding too many souvenirs can just keep you tied to the bad feelings you have, and trashing them tells you that it's okay to start forgetting and forge ahead with your life.

Proof It Works: John DeVore, a 30-year-old playwright from Austin, TX, has tried post-breakup rituals from strip clubs to pepperoni pizza therapy. But when his girlfriend moved out, even those didn't work. "She'd left behind the gifts I'd given her and poems and letters I'd written," he says. "I realized that she left them behind on purpose as a jab at me, so I took it all to the roof of his apartment building and burned it. It was a nice ritual to show I was ready to let her go." P.S.: If a bonfire suits you better than the standard just-throw-it-out response, make sure you have a fire extinguisher handy.

So.....what do you think?  I'm hoping to turn these into a radio bit one of these days, so lemme know your ways that helped you get over a breakup....I may just pick yours!

Tommy

Hey Noah....Would You Happen To Have An Extra Ark?

Boy....this has been the absolute weirdest week of my life.  I really can't think of a weirder week.
It really started on Monday when I reported for jury duty in Wichita.  I soon found out I was potential juror for the highest profile case in Wichita this year, a double homicide.  My heart sank when I found out that I had the potential to be in a trial for 3 weeks, and thus not be on the air.
However, after a lot of deliberation, I was dismissed from jury duty due to the fact that I am 'in the media and may have been exposed to extensive news coverage of the case' and because I am a 'high profile individual', whatever that means.

I thought, 'ok good, now I can get back to work and this week will be great.'

WRONG

Wednesday afternoon and evening, I was pretty occupied with severe weather in the area, and myself and the news director at the radio station, Fred Gough stuck around until 9:30 pm breaking in as needed with updates as the weather transitioned from tornadoes and hail into massive flooding.

At around 8:00 pm, the bulletin came out saying that nobody should drive to South Hutchinson because of massive flooding in the town. 

I live in South Hutchinson.

At around 11:00 pm, I decided to see if the water had receded and I was able to make it back to my apartment. 

Unfortunately, I had to walk through waist high water to even reach my apartment, and when I opened up my apartment door, my jaw dropped.

Ankle high water spread from the front door to the back door, there was no spot left unaffected.  So many of my possessions were either soaked or ruined, and I was just in a daze walking from room to room.

I soon realized it was fairly dangerous for me to be there as I could tell the water was still rising and the power was still on.  I started throwing my essential belongings in a bag and I left.

I stayed the night at our news directors house, but I'm really not sure where I'm gonna go from here.  I haven't been back to my apartment yet, and to be honest I'm a little worried.

So, if you have any ideas, or want to help, or just say a prayer, that would be fantastic, as I'm not sure where to go from here.

Thanks!
Tommy

Loneliness Sure Does Hit Home

'Each person is to himself alone. One oneness. A unit in society, but always afraid, always alone. If I should scream, if I should call for help, would anyone hear, would it even matter?'

Now don't get me wrong...I love my job...there's nothing better than being behind a microphone for me.  I love everyone at My 93.1 and everyone at Eagle Radio...
Don't get me wrong either....this isn't a famous Tommy pitiful post.....at least I don't plan on it being that way.....

Here's the problem: I'm so lonely here in Hutch.  I've been here for a week and my basic routine is to go to work then come home then go to work then come home. 
Now, you might say 'Well Tommy, you probably should get out there and meet people.' and I would tell you that I have.  I've gone to church...I even went to one of the clubs in town and I'm just not good at going up and introducing myself to people.

See, I know what it feels like to be dumped....it happened a while back, and it sucks big time.  So, I know what it feels like to be alone.  But I just now realized that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. 
Being alone is something that happens to you.  Being lonely is a feeling you have, normally a strong one.  I can solve being alone by going to a church or to a club and being around people....but I'm still lonely.

I'm not sure if I'm just missing companionship or if I'm missing a specific person.  I'm even not sure if this doesn't have to do with someone else....all I know is that I've never felt like this before and its harsh.

The bottom line is this: I have to meet people.  I have to try to establish myself again....I didn't realize when I started over that I was totally starting from scratch and now that I know that,  it scares the crap out of me.
At any rate, I know there are things I need to do...I know there are people (especially one person) that I need to talk to....but more than anything I just need to try to smile....just try to smile......

Tommy

Valleys Fill First

Do you ever have times in your life where it feels like everything just falls down on top of you?  Ever have times where one thing after another keeps happening and whenever you think it can't get any worse, it does?  Ever have times where the minute you get over one thing, something else seems to happen?

I've gone through the roughest time of my life in the last 7 months.  I've lost the most important person in the world to me, the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  I've lost many close friends.  They're just gone.  I lost one grandfather and now, 3 months later, another is in the hospital as we speak fighting for his life.  My classwork has dropped off, my motivation has fallen to the wayside, and my patience and love for most people has vanished.

All in all, I'm not a fun person anymore.

That fun has been replaced by anger, resentment, bitterness, hurt, sadness, confusion, and disappointment in everything and everyone around me.....but especially just with me.  I'm angry at myself.  I'm sad and confused as to why I let myself get this way.  And I'm disappointed I wasn't stronger.

I'm reminded of Job.  I'm reminded of the trials and tribulations he went through in his life in a short period of time, and I'm reminded of his strength and his faith that God would bring him through and he would be alright.

But I'm not Job.

I believe in God...I believe I am saved by grace through faith.  But faith is an easy thing to talk about and a hard thing to keep up.

I want to be ok.  I want to be over all of this.  I thought I was for awhile, but I was wrong.  I want all of the tough times to end, because I miss the way my life was.  I miss the happiness and the contentment that was my life.

So what do I do if after 7 months things may be worse than they were to start with?  I guess I could talk to someone about it, but it's old news and people don't want to hear me talk about it all again.

All in all, there's only one person that I can talk to....but she's not talkin anytime soon.

Valleys Fill First by Caedmon's Call

This is the valley that i'm walking through
And it feels like forever since
I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't
understand why i struggle like i do
My shadow's my only,only companion
and at night he leaves too

Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that i'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first

Down in this wasteland I miss the
mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that
i'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will
it's whre your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley it takes 40 years

And it's like that long Saturday
your death and the rising day
When no one wrote a word,
wondered is this the end
But you were down there in the
well, saving those that fell
Bringing them to the mountain again

~Tommy