wow, its been a while again.well, not too much has happened. i was single for a while but then somthing crucial happened and being me and being as weak as i am when it comes to love, i gave in and took him back.  so yes, for all of you that were wwondering, i am no longer single... unfortionatly.  i fell as thought being single did a lot of good for me but one of the main reasons that i went back out with darrell (besides the fact that i am in love with him) is that people that i hold really close to me were starting to get hurt.. a few in particular.. and i thinkyou can guess who you are... and if not i guess you have changed more than i thought since the time we were five.  to this one person who better know who he is, you are SUCH  a great guy... maybe too great.  i am so used to going out with guys that only want me for my body and not me that i simply don't know how to react.  the poem that  you wrote me was unbelievable (from a talent standpoint as well as it's contents themselves). Darrell is jelous because i have it hanging on my wall.  it still makes me cry and smile at the same time... somthing i haven't been able to do in a long time.  thank you.  please don't take the way that all of this turned out as rejection, its not, its just the best way.  you honestly don't want to go out with me.. i don't know what any of the guys that have asked me out recently would, but i have always wondered that.  i hope that you will  find it within yourself to forgive me for everything that i have done to you and any pain that i may have caused.  i also want to appologize to all of the other guys that will now consider themselves "rejected". the same goes for you guys... you don't really want me.. and if you do you shouldn't.  and by the way for all of you that are thinking to yourselves that he is only going to hurt me, he's not. not this time. he changed.. or is in the process of changing. i really do love him more than any of you will ever believe or want to believe at least and for that fact i intend to stay loyal to him.   i hope you understand. 

                   anyway, tonight i have to work and i am going to be working with andrew. he is getting really serious with dena and i am actually happy about it. i realized just last night when i was sleeping over katie's that it wasn't being with him that i felt that i needed so badly... well, it is what i felt but what was really going on was that i needed to have the thought that i wanted to be with him.  ya see, this is how i figure it.  i rally start to like this guy and i am broken up with darrell and i think that he would be so good for me because he is nothing like darrell and that would probably be good to experience somthing new, but in reality, he was meant to meet dena when i was at the peak of my emotional expedition with him, and then i would fall back down and it would leave me with some dramatic decisions... tell him, or let him go... go back with darrell, or be alone? it is all hard to explain... but the stars had it all setup for me.  andy was meant to make me realize that love that i have for darrell and jsut how serious it is.  but most imoportantly, it made darrell wake up and realize that i needed more and deserved more and if he wasn't willing or able to give it to me, sure as hell someone else would.  i think that him getting hurt then gave him pleanty oftime to think and to realize just how much he truely loves me and just how much he needs me.  well, i  have to go now, but i hope that kinda made sence.  tootles...i love you guys!