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tonari_no_totoro
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Name: Forrest
Country: United States
State: Maryland
Metro: Baltimore
Birthday: 8/13/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Japan, Architecture, Piano, drawing, movies, driving, hearing pudding, sleeping, TETRIS ATTACK, DDR, and computers
Expertise: Japan, what ethnicity someone is, J-Pop, anime, being a minimulist...I can also hear pudding.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Construction
Message: message me
AIM:  BigTreeJpn
Member Since:
1/23/2003
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| Oh the placesThe chess game has been a slow one.
The irony that one of the few woman I can admit to myself
that I have ever loved truly, inside and out, has gone for another person who
has possibly felt the same way I have for just as long. But it is not as if I
have any right to get angry. Any right to be upset. I have been perpetually
beating myself night and day, regardless who else may come along. Who else I
may like. She has been the one that was a consistent. And now, into this age of
uncertainty, she is certain of one thing.
I am happy for her. And the way she told me was appropriate.
Not face to face. Of course she couldn’t stand to give me the satisfaction I
tried to give her on my 5th attempt to tell her how I felt. For the
constant fear of ruining a ‘great friendship’ is always potentially there. On
IM. Where I had been told several things before. That’s the best place.
You can’t have it both ways. It is fine you don’t love me
the same way I love you. I am fine with it. But as soon as I have to idly watch
you share that special love I yearned for so sharply with another, don’t expect
me to be a superhuman and suck it up. I can’t be like my brother and watch the
true love of my life get married. I am not strong in that regard.
So I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how this will
pan out. Frankly, I am moving on. I told her long ago this was the step I
needed to get over her. I may with time. But I am becoming sick of it all.
I have no lack of arms around me. I will do just fine. I
guess it is frustrating watching the same girl not love you back a second time….particularly
with a ‘friend’ who is basically in the same position as you.
But all my friends are right. I deserve better. She may be
nice. She may care. But in the end, it only seems to be mentally upsetting for
me.
More self aware and more self assured,
Forrest
PS I got a job offer. All is groovy
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| Gothic Flavor, how I miss you.Don't stop me now.
I graduate in a few weeks. Just about two months and I will be done with my undergraduate studies. I am looking into where to go to Japan for the summer break, and also beginning to worry about my future, immediate future, in reference to my job. I don't know why I decided to start writing. I should be working.
Forr
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| Stars Fading But I linger on DearStars shining bright above you.
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Bird singing in the Sycamore tree
"dream a little dream of me"
say "nighty night and kiss me"
just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
while i am all alone
and blue as can be
dream a little dream of me.
____________________________________
Vivaldi's Winter Full Blast.
The cold rain soaks the pores as I run to my messy apartment and
The phone remains undisturbed and my work desk untouched.
The distant echoes of others sprinting through the mists of the night
You can't resist her. She's in your bones. She is your marrow and you ride home.
You can't avoid her. She's in the air. In between molecules of oxygen and carbon monoxide.
Only in Dreams....we'll see what it means. Reach out our hands and hold on to hers, but when we wake, it's all been erased. And so it seems, only in dreams.
You walk up to her. Ask her to dance. She says "Hey Baby I just might take the chance."
You say "it's a good thing, that you float in the air. That way there's no way I can crush you toenails into a thousand pieces."
Only in Dreams....we'll see what it means. Reach out our hands and hold
on to hers, but when we wake, it's all been erased. And so it seems,
only in dreams.
Only in dreams.
Only in dreams.
Only in dreams.
Only in dreams.
Only in dreams!
Only in dreams!
Only in dreams!
Only in dreams......................
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| Maybe that's what love is. A way to maintain a constant in a volatile, always changing world. Even we change. And without love of another, we get scared of that change, because what can we hold on to? I don't know. Maybe.
Forr | | |
| WeekendThese past few days:
So school has finally started for the last semester ever. I am in rhetoric and the visual by chance (all the other advanced COREs are filled, or not at good times with my schedule)
I am a TA on Friday Mornings. I am a safety trainer all week, and a bus driver Tuesday morning and Saturday Night. I may work at HOK on Saturdays. I already distain studio. I am working hard to finish this model. My mom is complaining more about leg pain and letting Ricky decline with drinking/hanging out with shitty friends.
I can't really complain. Thursday, Friday nights I drank and danced a lot. Friday night with Soul'd out, shared a shot with Mario himself and danced to Superstition. Love going there, but it's so packed. I managed to get so drunk I danced for prolly a whole hour. Had people circle around me, like the occasional CP crazy night.
Superbowl today: I would lie if I said I watched any games at all this year. I wanna start watching soccer again. I love soccer.
Emotionally - I guess I am okay. It's an hourly thing. I need to just be okay with the status quo...but it's so hard to be.
Forrest | | |
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