=/
Im in one of those moods. Where Im listening to all the songs that explain how I feel... And looking them up on songmeanings.com only to find that they explain everything thats been going on. Mhm. Several songs. Not about anyone in particular.


I don't mind; you're someone that ain't mine
But someone that I'll get
And you don't know how hard i've tried
To convince myself that I could easily forget

I won't lie; I still can say that I
Admit we went too far
And you won't see me change my mind
But I really wish that I
Could forget the way you are


I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
Should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty

You said you hate my suffering
And you understood
And you’d take care of me
You'd always be there
Well where are you now?
This weight will now be satisfied
I'm gonna give you only one reply
I know not who I am


It was grass stained jeans and incompletes
And a girl from class to touch
But you think about yourself too much
And you ruin who you love
And from the sidelines I see you run Until you're out of breath.
And all those white lines that sped us up
We hurry to our death

Yeah, God loves your soul and your aching bones.
If your world starts crashing down, thats when you'll find me.

Do you know where your heart is, do you think you can find it?
Well bless my soul you're a lonely soul cause you wont let go of anything you hold.


Hmmmmm.
Basically It all relates. Most of it anyway. Getting screwed over by humanity. Addiction. Accepting them, And fighting them. Overcoming those addictions. Going back to them, just to successfully overcome them again. Getting close to someone you dont mean to get close to. Then once you get to close, it all falls apart. And things will never be the same. Wanting someone or something so bad. Then once I get it, I lose it just like that. Sure Im over it. But Im still not happy about it. Hitting rock bottom and trying to have a little faith. I dont know. Theres been a few people that Ive gotten close to. And once its too late I realize that its gone too far. Mainly my fault, because I have control over it. But I always inch just a little further trying to see if I can make it work. Ive given up something that means alot to me, thinking I could trust that person. But then I realize that it was all too good to be true. And I was only trying to make myself feel happy. I definitley did not love (mainly just lusted). I just wanted that one person around I could go to and feel like everything was consistent with them (But I have learned that the ones I love, my best friends are the only consistent things in life I need right now). Always relying on others to make me happy. Weather it be my friends, or a boy. Once something screwed up with a boy, Id move on. Not from the situation but to another boy. Feeling like I needed some guy. Which I dont. I know I can be by myself and be happy with myself. I dont need some guy to kiss on or whatever to boost my self esteem. Although it is nice. But Im 17 and no guy wants what Im looking for. I hate that I had a good friend, and got too close. Kind of ruined the friendship. Thought I wanted more out of it. But in the end I just want my friend back. Ive gone through alot this past year. And Ive tried to fix everything. Even the impossible. I have been completely betrayed by a friend. Turns out they were a complete monster. They completely ruined things. Ruined my trust for anyone, Any guy. But I know all guys aren't like that. And Ive encountered guys who are not like that. I know that in the end, Karma will bite them in the ass so hard. I dont have to worry about making that person miserable. Because I know karma will be horrible, if not worse than anything I would ever do to them. Atleast I hope. Im putting those walls back up. I dont care if thats a sign of weakness. I have let my walls down and let way too many people in on what really goes on in my head. I know that when things get shitty I will have my friends, and no matter what they will always have my back. No matter the situation. Or atleast I hope. Im not sure what else to write. Yeah. I think Im done now. Im sure none of it made sense. I kept jumping from one thing to another. But its okay because not many will read this anyways. I just wanted to let some of it out. That was nice : )