tootsieroll7469's Xanga

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 01:30:22 GMT

Dear love,
My heart is broken as people see me so very incomplete. I have a confession or two to make. My love I have sinned against you. I have tourchered myself for so very long therefore I have tourched you. I am not perfect no where near but I will completely love you and only you dear. God watches me as I pray for my dear Lord to heal me come down bless my heart and somehow make me better. Now I sit here and write you this letter. Now I died time and time again, I've cried to myself trying to keep this poisin in. But all my tears have turned to acid all my fears are now notheing but ashes. I know exactl y what to do but my strength is gone. I know exactly where to go but I keep fearing that my tears are wrong. So open my closet open my door hold me in your arms and hold me for sure. Let me cry just a little more my dearest love my amor. I need your strength every day more and more. I feel as if I am letting you down as if me waiting isn't enough my weakness is nothing but my punishment. This darkness is nothing but just another scam. For some reason today of all days I cannot feel your hand. I love you my love and one day we'll be. Love your love for all eternity... -wendi

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 07:49:47 GMT

woke up thursday... went to school...

tarah is in alc now... ask her no comment...

Friday: Woke up 5am went with Aryn. Chilled. Went to school. blah blah blah. Work... blah blah blah.

Saturday: Went to Saturday School for 3 long hours. Came home. Cleaned all day. Went to Vickies Party. Went Bowling. Came home 3am.(sunday)

Intresting things: People in Saturday school love peppermints

Things realized: I'm not as nice as people say I am

News: Tarah, michelle, and Taylor are all in ALC for 45 days.

Another thing you can meet really hot guys at a bowling aly who are alot like you. Good night!

Ps: if you need something to pep you up just listen to rock by the way I am a great bowler if anyone wants to go next sat lets go

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 03:43:14 GMT

Dear love,

Silence pours in from the doorway, brokenness takes over once more. Defeat is no longer just another option but a fact this I am sure. With all of the time I could spend telling you I love you and all of the years I could simply blow away. I would much rather me show you then me have to write you letters everyday. You are the place I want to run to when my home no longer stands. The open arms I want to cry into when all my battle fences run in the sand. You are whom I want to be with forever with out a doubt. I love you my love forever and only you can help me out.

This could be the hardest thing I could ever ask or simply ever do. But as I type these words I am sure this is the best for you. I want you to make me hate you I want you to make me cry. I want you to make me fall on my knees and beg and wish to die. I cannot face this hunger. I can’t live without; I cannot do this much longer because the best is not what I am about. I want you to be happy with all the choices you will make. I want you to know I love you no matter how much I say, that I need you to push me away.

This is my good riddance which I know will never last. This is my goodbye my love because you can’t start to understand my past. I have tried to make this work, but to my knees I always fall. I have tried to love you steady but I can’t love you for us all.

Dear love, I really need you here to hold me in your arms tonight. This silence is so haunting and oh so ever lonely it is tonight. The wind just makes me colder as I crawl into my bed. I love you my love for ever even when I am dead.

Ich liebe dich-you know who you are…

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 16:13:04 GMT

Dear love,
               It has been days since I have heard your voice sing to my ear. and many nights seen I have seen your face. these days seem so cold without the warmth of your words everything is harsher now more then ever before with out your love.  I understand the reasons and I understand that we tried but what I can not understand is why God will not let me have my sweet love by myself. I pray every night for me not to love you and every morning I awake and behold that I only am loving you more. Something tells me that we were ment for each other but it's just not time for us to be with one another.  Evry thing in your life was so well fit together then I came along and now it's strong along.  Every thing before you was so out of walk but the day I met you organization became my thing.  It's time for me to grow up and to stop acting like a child. I love you my love and our love is growing wild.  I'm sorry that things had to be so far out of place but will be togehter soon enough I promise in time will take our place.

                 I'm writing you this letter because words cannot express just how I feel so I am trying this. Every word is ture. I know you are not good at explainging things but I am willing to take that fall for you.  I know that life sucks right now cause we are both way to bussy to call.

                  Soon enough my love I will show you what I mean I will be done with this hell hole and split right out of this town.  I promise you my love nothing will hold me down.  With God's love and his strength we will be together soon.   I love you my love please do not forget I need you to.

                     I know that there are bigger plans that God has now in your life I know that right now is not the time to try to make a new life.  I understand you want to try but I will not drag you down.  I want what is best for  you even if it means me not being around. If it means me shutting up and never making a sound.  If it mean me waiting up I will promise I will stick around.

                     I do not know what love is but the moment you said hello was the day my heart feel to the floor and I had no clue which way to go.  Every aspect about you makes it easier to be me.  Every litle flaw makes me happy I can see your loving ways sorrounded me because I know just who  you are my passion for love and God just lets me know your right.

                    For the night that everything seemed wrong you confessed your love to me and believe it or not I cried so happily. I have never heard you so open before ever in my life I never though that I could see happy tears in my life.  For once in my life love I was bluntly out of words for once in my bussyness I just had to stop to count the birds.

                 The sky is Gosd's canvus and I see it everyday and when I see it raining I'll think of you today.  Even though we are far apart we are still so close at heart.  Well my love my point is I love you more then I have ever loved any one and I am sure you are the one God has planned to heal my heart. I know you better then anyone and I want to know much more.  I want to sleep on the ground outside and thank the lord.  Every color every number every word spoken every face seen every star in the sky every moons light every suns gleam remind me of you in every instance of my life.

                This is not lust it has nothing to do with that this my love is unique and geniune and I really want hyou to know that I could not stop caring right now even if I tried.  I could keep forgetting to call but I cannot do that to you love because I need you all and all.

                 Eventually one day we will split paths again eventually my love I will see your face again.  Eventually my love God will tell me it's okay eventuall y I can love you with all my heart some day.
                 So my love as I close this letter and finally try not to cry please know I love you and with out your love I would surely die.

                  Love your love Wendi R.
                  To my one true love forever.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 01:55:51 GMT

Lets see... If you really want to know read chuck and aryn's blogs and it will tell you every thing that has been happening in my life lately because I am always with them. Infact most my pictures are from Aryn's Camera phone. lol.... let's see... still single... just got ungrounded... School is stressing me out so bad! and I still feel like I am letting everyone down but truly I am trying my hardest to fit everybodys veiws of me but honestly I like who I am and I will not change who I am just to make yall happy I am sorry. Aryn is moving to colorado in dec. Chuck is going to Kanasas this summer.. Work is killing me... Sat I got 820... -.- my art work hasn't been as good as it usually is because I haven't had any emotional change lately... but check it out at deviantart.com im tootsieroll7469 if you don't know... this time I will try to keep this one updated... by the way I do like someone.. Aryn knows who but at this time, I will keep his name quiet... :-X thank you guys have a nice night love ya -Wendi

Shout outs: Christopher-best friend-Thanks for the support

Aryn-Bestfriend- I love you soo much...

Chuck- bestfriend- life sucks but you always got my back

Whitt- bestfriend- its hard not seeing you soo much

George- friend-who I can talk to

trace-friend-I need to call ya man ur my support buddy when everything falls!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 06:53:31 GMT

Woke up 7am...

Went to the Galleria at 1:40pm-most the day

Went to TACO BELL

Went to Cardangae Haunted House-I laughed(some guy working there hugged me when he was soppose to be scarying me and asked for my number) lol... I said thats okay cause guys with makeup arent hot lol...

Went to.... Ikea to sleep on beds...

Went to Richmond Coffee Station...

Went to look at stars with Mary and her Boy Friend

then came home... but it was fun...

but Michael didn't come see me tonight

Monday, October 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 05:24:59 GMT

Today: Went to the Texans game I took Aryn we had floor seats(we lost 34 to 20) then watch the astros and braves ( braves lost ) then watched the redskins... the Falcons lost... Green bay won. I took Aryn out for Ice Cream. Then went to see Noah and realized I for once am truely and completely over him. thx to michael! then I went to Aryns. We came over here then went to see chuck then went to see jarrett and now Aryn and Chuck are spending the night...

wow! life is soo cool!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 19:30:51 GMT

Hey guys... Being a Senior Rocks... Homecoming was yesterday. Aryn, Whitt, and Chuck are all in my school this year so I got most my best friends around. I quit marble slab and am now working at dominos... Sorry I haven't updated just found my password... lol... I now also have myspace and hi5 i update when I can or when something really exciting happens. I'm gonna go tell me your stories chicos!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 02:47:23 GMT

Hey the other night this will crack you up....

Okay soo I have been sick for the last two days right, and they think I might have skin cancer. Well so I clean all day still being sick and cook dinner. By the time dinner is done my little sisters study group for church comes over so we can't eat. So I call Aryn and tell her basically get me outta here. So we get in her new(old) truck with one window and no air condianer. So she comes and picks me up. We go eat pizza at her house and then prepare for the movies. We get in her brothers car to go (put put) it is really loud and old and only travels about 35 miles per hour floored and she barely drives a stick.We get to the movies and find out we showed up at the wrong time and don't want to go after 9:30pm so dicide to go shopping so she can get a job application at Palis Royal. Except they don't hire under 18 so we dicide to go see my friend tarzan at his work. We get there to find out he no longer works there so my favors will have to wait. So we go out for ice cream except the bottom falls out all over my clothes. So I dicide to throw the ice cream out the window when I go to look out the window to see if it got on will's car my glasses fly off my head and onto the street. So we pull into Foster and go search the highway for my glasses and I find them unharmed. We go back to her house I change and we watch war of the worlds but don't finish it. So I dicide since I had such a streak of bad luck I should go home. Her brother and cousin go with us to make sure nothing else happens I go home and here I am telling you so you have something to laugh about.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 03:13:30 GMT

Xanga

My first entry I would love to tell you about this experience... so I will just say this HAHAHAHA.... your mom goes to college... tina you fat lard come get some dinner... Girls like guys with skill (computer hacking skills, bow hunting skills, num chucks skills, cage fighting skills) I AM GOING TO DYE MY HAIR PURPLE. I'm strange and you like but thats just the way I am