| | Summer of Fruitless PrayersWell I feel like recently it's been fruitless to pray to God or even ask for prayer since nothing seems to really happen. Today I found out I won't be getting a desperately needed Summer Teaching Assistantship, and that's just plain depressing. I really prayed over it, and asked people to pray for it and God just didn't come through. It's not just one thing, but it's been a lot of things whether it is a relationship, jobs, or some other things it just really doesn't feel right now that God's coming through. I feel sometimes as though there's something wrong with me; that I'm not doing something right or not working hard enough. I know better than that, but it just doesn't seem to be that God's coming through on any of the prayers.
To be brutally honest, its made my prayer life pretty barren right now. I feel as though why should one pray if one is going to encounter only disappointment. It takes so much energy and strength to really put your heart into a prayer just to hope in something, and then it's like crushed with a giant road block. I know what a lot of people will say: It's God's will, or it isn't time, or God has something better for you. And that's fine and dandy, and I understand those things, but right now those things are merely platitudes that are sayings that are suppossed to make me feel better and I'm not feeling better. I just want some really tangible need that I can say God met, not yet another hope and dream dashed and I prayed over it too. I don't want to be disappointed, but I am. I feel a bit abandoned by God here, and just want to cry. It really has been disappointing praying for stuff, because it feels a bit like I'm not going to get it if I pray for it, not that I would've gotten it anyways. So I don't know... what to do here. I guess I'll just keep chugging along here. What else can I do? |
| | Posted 7/28/2006 1:21 - 1 comments
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