these past couple of days spent without parental supervision have been a blast!

there was work--which is. well. hmm. whats the best way to put it? charming i suppose. most of the kids are sweet. there is just like one or two that are just infuriating! but other than that. our programs have gone pretty well.  will and i are quickly figuring out which programs are better ran by which of us. clearly. the computer programs he's got down. but i know that the storytime ones i've got under my belt. so its all good. its going to be a crazy summer!

i've gone out after work pretty much all four days. its really nice to have that freedom back even if it was only for a couple of days. but seriously. there is NOTHING to do in markham. geez. of course i just had to live in the middle of nowhere. GAH! and sucks not being able to drive...

i made so many different plans knowing only certain ones would pan out. which was smart on my part i guess. but i didn't spend time with some of the people i wanted to see.  but its fine i guess. last night was fun tho. was at louis' party. of which i was the pretty much from the fac who went. and i was a bit uncomfortable at first. cuz i really didn't know what to say. but then more people came and i relaxed a bit. met some really nice people! lmao. despite of the fact that it was the first time louis has ever barbequed haha. so the food was a bit iffy at first lol. jks! it was fine. but yah. it was a nice little party. didn't really get to spend much time with louis tho cuz he was too busy serving all of us. ooh dear.

also went to that wind symphonium thing yesterday down at the fac with elburz, nadeem and kelvin. that was fun haha. funny story. i saw ms evered! it was pretty sweet! and it was awesome to see all the teachers a bit out of their element. learning different techniques to conducting a piece. and also the range of experiences between various teachers. some had taught for years and some didn't have any experience at all. so it was amazing to see that. so im not soo nervous u know. i still don't know if teaching is for me. im still doubting my own teaching ability. i love kids. but who knows if i can teach?

i really don't know.

u just can't get enough...
<3

okay. its summer shopping season! seriously. so im listening to tips, trying to keep my spending in check.

1. get creative! this is actually really hard to do. cuz im not very good with accessorizing and all that stuff. dunno how to work the belt with long shirt thing. plus i definitely have some meat to me so well. im rather averagely curvy? haha. i guess thats a good way of putting it. =)
2. avoid impulse buys. so very true. i find i do that a lot. just cuz its sooo cheap. and i mean if i know i'll probably wear it. doesn't necessarily mean i will. and it will just collect dust in closet.
3. surf for savings. this i don't really do a lot. but maybe i should cuz u can find so many sales this way. yikes!
4. know sale schedules. yah right. like i would know that. but i should keep an eye out. haha.
5. go seasonless. this is probably the truest statement ever! the key is to have clothes that u an wear all year round. which i've learned since high school. despite of the fact that i wear uniforms to school every day. regardless. it is good to have tees and classic clothing that never goes out of fashion.
6. buy monday to friday. i do this anyways. cuz i hate crawling thru the mall with a million other people. its just gross. im not into it at all. im not a fan of people squished together.
7. do the math. i sorta do this. but i should do it more often i guess. i do it for sweaters and jackets. because i'll always get my money's worth.

and 5 things must-haves in each closet?
1. cotton blazer = CHECK!
2. great fitting straight-leg dark-wash jeans-- yeah! seriously need a pair of those. hmm...
3. ballet flats = CHECK!
4. tanks and tees in black, white, and navy-- i definitely have some of those but i need more.
5. black straight-leg dress pants = CHECK!

yay! i can't wait to start doing some more shopping!
...but need to save for that 80 G ipod im gunning for and a new laptop. yep.

u know u love me
<3

omg.
i've really had enough. holy shit. this day really doesn't get any better.

first. i was woken up at 8:00am on a saturday because well, my parents were positive that i'd have to work full day today. and i mean i didn't know cuz the sechdule is really confusing. but yah. its fine. watever, i go to work. turns out i only have to work from 2-5pm so im like watevs. i call and asked my dad to pick me up.  he doesn't come till 10:30-ish. so already i was tired and pissed cuz i was waiting for so damn long. THEN he tells me to help him move all the stupid tires and our old ass lawn mower to the recycling depot. GAH.

i get home. all i want to do is sleep. but no. i get yelled at for not helping around the house like vacuming and washing the toilet (ew!). then it just goes downhill from there. my dad tells me to wash the dishes after lunch. and then my mom yells at me for doing what my dad told me to do. i was supposed to find out what i needed for that stupid police check since im working in a place where i have to constantly be with children and seniors. did that. then parents freaked out at me for something that was their freaking fault. they misplaced all my important documents after i made an effort to keep things together neat and tidy before moving back home from res of which they blamed me for. like UGHHHHH! i really really don't see how im the one who failed and is selfish when they misplace things that i obviously made a point to tell my dad when we were moving back. since i had to go to nyb that week.

so by the time, i found my important docs in my parents room, it was too late to go hand in the forms. which of course i got blamed for. apparently, i wasn't taking it seriously enough to have looked for the needed docs beforehand. bullshit! i had enough so i just asked to be driven to work. but of course, they weren't done yelling at me. so in the car, i was the selfish, ungrateful bitch that doesn't take anything seriously and im holding the world's resources all in my hands and wasting valuable tax payers' money.

for crying outloud. i can't wait to live in res again.

u know u love me
<3

soo. its weird blogging my daily thoughts and stuff again.

yesterday. first day of work. the most pointless 6 hrs of my life. actually though. my co-director is nice i guess. he's two years older. wow. the irony of this one only em will get. haha. i almost wished i had gone to sja instead. keyword is almost. lol.

today. better. the director of the summer program last year came back to talk to us. give us the heads up kinda thing. it was pretty cool. so i guess work is really chill.

lately, i've been reflecting a lot on this past year and a bit cuz now i have all the free time in the world.  and i realize that im a pushover. i've let people take advantage of my time and reliability. and that im really bad at keeping in touch with others. i have a lot of "friends" but i think most are merely acquaintances. u know its funny. recently i've been catching up with a lot of the people i went to elementary school with because of the fact that we all go to the same uni. well. sorta. and as usual there are plans to get together. but we all know that they never really do end up happening. sadly. i wish it does. its nice to chill with others from the past because they are the ones who helped shape who u are today. i really do believe that. i don't regret any decisions i made--good or bad. because i know without those mistakes. i wouldn't be where i am now.

i've met a lot of people this yr. and i think its crazy how many versions of me there must be out there.  i guess i mean perceptions of me. in the end of the year, i was a lot more introverted. after everything that happened, its hard not to be, right?  and sometimes, i do miss him. along with a bit of doubt of how it all came to be. then another he came along, and again i became distracted cuz i was so comfortable with this one. it was effortless. but it was short lived and the circumstances nor timing couldn't have been worse. and it hurts. wearing my heart on my sleeve. i always feel so vulnerable but i try very hard to hide it. there are always those sneaky ones that see past it at the real you. cowering in fear.  not able to take a risk. and it is then that i want to give it all to this person.

he. who i have a weird attraction to. who i have gotten to know. who on the inside is just like me. but i can't take the risk now. why? because i have everything to lose with this one.  

so. i'll wait. patiently. because some day i know he'll be ready. it may be soon. or it may take a while. who knows? i guess only time will tell.

u know u love me
<3