Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on.

One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...
-Grace is Gone

Thank you Dave for making my night and playing my favorite song.  I checked the set lists for your first few concerts and it seemed as if it was going to happen but nothing will compare to how I felt when I heard the first few notes.  You even played Crash for the 2nd year in a row.  I felt like I was the happiest girl in the world and I love how your music can make me feel that way.  Maybe I had a bit too much to drink but it didn't matter b/c it made me sing even louder and smile even bigger.

Rascal Flatts and Gary Allan is this Friday and their music can make me feel crazy things as well.  It is beginning to be an excellent b-day week.

Music is the only thing helping me out!

isn't it funny how most people go through their old blogs and realize how much they have grown/changed since their old entries.  unfortunately I go through mine and realize how much I am in exactly the same place I was in over a year ago.  I am still jobless, searching for something to make me completely happy, and just trying to realize what my real purpose in life has been.  The following is excerpts from previous entries that still explain my messed up head and depression...scary but true!

"Maybe it is because every company talks to me like I am dumb just b/c I haven't had a job anywhere to know what I want w/ my life.  I guess I feel I need real experience before I can say that but no one seems to understand.  I am a hard worker, a good learner and I know I would be an asset to any company but for some reason that never seems to get across to anyone.  I got good grades, studied hard and went to the #1 undergrad engineering school in the nation but it's still not enough...I don't know how much else I can do for a company to say I'm worth it..."

"Sorry I haven't in the mood to write but depression sets in and I don't want to talk to anyone let alone pretend on here that I am happy just in case someone happens to read it and thinks they can judge me."

"it is starting to look more and more hopeless for a job period..."

"I'm just stressed out...why can't things be simple????  Well maybe not simple but less difficult!!!"

"wow...I just can't keep myself writing in this, I don't know what it is.  Maybe I don't want to admit to myself just how worthless I really am."

"I'm starting to wonder how..relationships work when one person has moved on and has a life while the other is stuck in the same life with nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to..."

"But you have to have friends to actually have a life and since I am lacking them that's what you get"

"I hate when my life is up in the air...it makes everything else alot worse."

"I am starting to go into a deep depression that I don't know if I will ever get out of but hopefully having a change will help."

"Hopefully I find something soon so I am not bored out of my mind."

"I spent the last week not doing much of anything during the day and it was a nice break but I NEED a job and a life up here."

"If you know me, you know how I have been crazy for awhile..."

It is amazing that every single quote from above still describes my life to a T right now...the worst part is I don't see anything getting better anytime soon.

it's been a looooooooong time.  I can't remember too much of the last month or so.  I worked 5-6 days a week and now it is over.  It was hard to leave the last day b/c I met some amazing people that made the workday go faster than it normally would.  They were the same people that I spent late nights w/ drinking the night away knowing we had to get up for work at 6:30 a.m. but we didn't care.  It was a job that I needed to FINALLY have experience on my resume and I hope it will help.  I didn't expect for the job to also bring me some new friends who I hope to keep in touch w/.  I interviewed a couple days ago for a job in Ann Arbor w/ the EPA.  The job sounds a bit scary as it is a brand new position that u sort of have to create yourself.  I would become a "fuel alternatives expert" and that sounds scary enough in itself but it would be awesome to say I actually did it all.  My recent boss also mentioned that they need chem-e's back in north carolina for the company we worked for.  I am not sure what the job would entail but just the thought of being in N.C. gets me excited.  I will have to keep in touch w/ him to see what is up w/ all of that so I don't want to think about it too much.

I also experienced a couple firsts.  I went skiing for the first time ever and decided I never want to go again.  I was trying so hard and I just couldn't get it...I could barely get up when I fell, I couldn't stop myself so I would just fall down instead and I couldn't steer very well.  Then I saw a kid break his leg so I just went inside and watched people.  Maybe if I had a better teacher I wouldn't feel so bad but the whole day pretty much sucked for me.  I also went across the border to Windsor, Canada (S. of Detroit by the way).  It wasn't much different than here minus the money...it's just cool to say I have been there.

I honestly can't fill in much of the other blanks from the last entry.  I have been sort of in a daze waiting until I can go home and see my dad to confirm he is doing o.k.  As much as I have wanted to get out of Indiana, I can't stand not being able to go home at a moment's notice...it has been killing me.