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trackstarlol
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Name: Ashley
Gender: Female
Interests: singing, thinking, climbing trees, coloring, balancing chemical equations and naming chemical compounds, playing guitar when I actually get around to doing it, ice cream, peanuts (the legume), Spiderman, filming things with Abby.
Expertise: I can scoop ice cream like a madman!
Occupation: student
Industry: Food Service and Chemistry
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  DrPiMpTaStiC6
Member Since:
8/13/2005
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| My Happiness ThresholdSometimes I think I have a happiness threshold. Like, if I've been happy (or even content) for too long I start getting mildly depressed. Now is one of those times. This summer has been tremendously better then last summer, but it's still been kind of crappy. Well... Block A was fine. Andrew and I worked out together, I made some nice recipes, etc, but Block B has been pretty crappy so far! (Keep in mind that there has only been a week and a half in Block B so far.) I hate the professor that I have for both of my twice a week, 4 hour classes. (that's 16 hours of suffering with her per week!) I'm having problems with my suitemate. (we're not fighting, but I'm aware that she doesn't exactly like my presence in the townhouse.) And Andrew has been gone for this whole week. Plus, to top it off, Lizzie left Tuesday night, so I'm pretty much alone at Berry without a kind soul. And I'm out of money, so I have Ramen, rice, and Easy Mac to last me through my next paycheck. I like food, so lack of it is depressing for me.
I liked summer school last year, even though I didn't care for the actual classes and had roommate trouble and him trouble (... looking back I don't know why I did like summer school last year...) and I liked summer school this year until this block...
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to not taking summer classes next year! It's been so long since I lived at home for an extended period of time. I really miss living with my family. College has made me realize how much I'm loved at home, especially by my mom. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to experience that kind and amount of love ever again. It -really- worries me sometimes. I fear that I'll have an unhappy marriage or something... and I know that it's unfair to expect any person to love us how God is supposed to, but still... it's a fear I have.
I'll probably feel better in a week or so... until then, I just want to lie around in my room and sleep...
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| All You Need Is LoveI just finished reading Becca Lindsay's MySpace blogs, and boy was it depressing! All of them were about how she's so happy and how she lives for love and how she's going to live her life to the fullest without regret. I just can't comprehend how someone can feel like that genuinely... without drugs or something. And she has such a tight-knit group of friends! I envy her, Ashley Q, Ashley H, and Shea O. I want a group of friends that I can rely on and that love me like family. I want a group of friends that I know almost as well as they know themselves, and to know me almost as well as I know myself.
Her blogs made me think about myself and my life. I feel like my goals are kind of petty... they're just the things that people do, with a slightly "Ashley" spin on them: go to college, go to grad school, get married, have some kids. I feel like I'm just kind of waiting for my "real" life to being, even though I've been told time and time again they the time to start living is now! You can't wait for the future to start living life, because the future will arrive, you'll be on your deathbed, and you'll realize that you never really lived!
I think that what I'm suppose to learn during this time in my life is how to love. Not just romantic love, but how to genuinely love people. Sarah kept telling me during Scrub Crew that love is the most important thing. Becca posts blogs pretty much everyday about how she loves life and all of the people in it. Andrew constantly questions me about why I don't seem to care about people... about why I don't love. Katie Drake is always talking about how much she loves Piers, and how it's the greatest feeling in the world to be able to give her heart away and feel totally comfortable with another person. I answered a question on a MySpace survey once calling all the people who say they love everyone liars. Ashley H sent me a message telling me that I was absolutely wrong, because God's love pervades everything, and so I had no right to say that it was impossible to love everyone. Chad Bamsey told me once that I hated everything. (because I would often say, "I hate this!" or "I hate that!"
It's depressing to think that I'm incapable of love... I just need to open my heart to God and let him fill me with his love. I want to love everybody too! I want to be able to care about people regardless of how they look, their personal life/choices/beliefs, or anything else! I want to show God's love through my life in everything that I say or do! I want to be kind and caring!
I WANT TO
LOVE!
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| Lately I feel like I don't deserve Andrew. Like, the last week I've just been so annoyed with him, for no reason, really... and so I keep acting like a jerk. Tonight Abby, Andrew, and I went on the Viking Trail to catch fireflies, and I stepped in mud, so I was all upset. Andrew said something and I yelled at him. Then he told me to sit down and he proceeded to clean my feet and flip flops. And he always apologizes when he does stuff... like yesterday I was jumping on his back, and he pushed me off, but then he apologized for hitting me. (which he did while pushing me off) He's always trying to talk things out, and I'm like, "I don't want to talk! Just leave me alone!" I so selfish... so self-centered. And the way I've been acting reminds me of him. I kept telling him to stop talking to me, and to leave me alone, but then I'd feel bad and apologize/make up. Eventually he got fed up and I got what I "wanted." I wonder if Andrew and I broke up, would I feel the same way about it as I do about what happened between me and him? I'm just trying to run away again... whenever something comes up with a friend. Whenever they begin to annoy me or I don't like how things are going, I try to end the relationship. I succeeded with two of my former friends. I've tried with countless others. I really need to learn to deal with my problems. I have the mindset for divorce: "Oh things aren't going too well... let's end it!" My worst nightmare! 
Andrew lives by a whole new perspective of Christianity that I've never considered. I was raised as one of the Christians who are supposed to not smoke, drink, or cuss. I was supposed to be respectful of my parents and figures of authority, but not "sluts," homosexuals, and other "sinners." And I was especially supposed to scorn sexual immorality! Basically we ignored the Bible verse about picking the speck of sawdust out of your brother's eye while there was a plank in your own eye. Andrew's Christianity is all about love. Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love your neighbor, and by doing that you would be loving God. Andrew thinks it is awful how people cut each other down, because their sins are "worse" than our own sins. He has a very good point, but I haven't had much time to adjust to this new mindset. I shouldn't be calling other people sluts, whores, skanks, etc. I shouldn't be insulting any people. That's hard... but we're called to love and help our fellow man, so that's what we... that's what I should be doing.
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| Abby and Ashley's Rules for EverythingNever tip badly, unless the waiter/waitress really sucks or the bill is small. We usually tip around $5.
Tell other people when things annoy you, instead of holding it all inside.
Always remember: there are starving children in Africa
Don't settle for someone who is "kind of cool." Wait until you find someone amazing!
When things are bad, just think, "At least it's not gangrene!"
If your significant other breaks up with you, just remember, "there are plenty of other bears in the forest."
Never compromise your beliefs for anyone, whether that be a friend, significant other, boss, etc.
Don't EVER forget to wear deodorant!
Make sure you are always moving forward in your walk with God, because if you're not moving forward, you're slipping backward.
Always look for the good in everybody. Even if someone irritates you beyond belief, find something you like about them.
Never go longer than a year without making at least one recipe with eggplant in it!
Don't let anyone talk you out of following your dreams. You can do it!
Treat your fish (animals) as you would want to be treated if you were a fish (animal). Always feed them, clean the tank regularly, and sing to them periodically.
Make sure you go to the bathroom before long car trips. Do it just in case! It's better than finding out that you have to go later when there isn't anywhere to stop.
Dress modestly. Even if you're in a relationship with a guy who wants you to dress less modestly. You'll have your whole married life to skank it up with your husband.
Find a way to exercise your brain everyday.
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| NakedI can't remember a time when I've felt so vulnerable. It was fine until I realized what was happening. when I had that realization... I felt naked. I felt like curling up in fetal position and hiding my face in shame. I felt exposed. I didn't like that feeling. I wanted to run away. Ignorance really is bliss. | | |
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