Currently Listening I'm Not Dead By Pink who knew. see related

do you want to be my one and only love?

july 1, i woke up to patch adams. and evidently, i started crying.

finally i got hold of one of the many lines in the movie i wanted to memorize. this is my favorite one.

i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. i love you because i know no other way than this. so close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. so close, that when you close your eyes, i fall asleep.

and he said this to carin in front of her coffin. and i was crying the whooole time. hmmm...

in the future when i become a rich cpa lawyer already, [ hopefully ] i'm going to help patchadams.org and one.org and unicef and make-a-wish and all the people in africa. when i become rich, i'll spend the thousands of dollars supposedly for a new lv to buy rice and vegetables and meat, and new books, and fund schools and buildings and homes and jobs. when i become rich, i am going to make them rich too.

& i want to marry keanu reeves.

[ hey, it worked when katie holmes said she wanted to marry tom cruise. look at her now! haha. maybe it'll work for me. ]

so now it's tuesday. we just came from santi's. i went craaaazyyy. i really think i was somekindofan italian/sicilian chef in my past life. i just love their food! so colorful and creamy and fattening and tastebut-friendly. someday when i'm rich and a lawyer, i'll "relax" and move to europe or beverlly hills [ haha what a change ] and just cook everyday. like barefoot contessa. hmmm..

okay, so this is the first ever message pass bullcrap i actually appreciated. and now i'm spreading the love. to whoever you are who's reading this, i'm sorry if you hate me or thank you for loving me the way you do. friend...i love you. stranger...hello there new friend. ;) [ EW. mush. ]

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. So send this to all of your friends (and me). And then... Well, nothing will happen. Really. No dogs biting you or people dying. No miracles either. But you'd be spreading a nice message.

so i know typing lyrics is so last year, but pink just made me a new song again. i saw the video and started getting all spill canvas emo. [ yeah ate! ] not trying to be dramatic, but it is a pretty song. and the words are a kick to my stomach plus three slaps to the face. teehee.

ATE : i want to move to lj now. *hint LAYOUT hint*.

you took my hand. you showed me how. you promised me you'd be around. that's right. i took your words and i believed in everything you said to me. yeah huh. that's right

if someone said three years from now you'd be long gone, i'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong. i know better cause you said forever and ever.

who knew.

remember when we were such fools and so convinced and just too cool. oh no...no no. i wish i could touch you again. i wish i could still call you friend. I'd give anything.

when someone said count your blessings now for they're long gone, i guess i just didn't know how i was all wrong. they knew better. still you said forever.

and ever.

who knew.
 

yeah yeah, i'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again and i won't forget you, my friend.

what happened?

if someone said, three years from now you'd be long gone, i'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong. & that last kiss i'll cherish until we meet again. & time makes it harder. i wish i could remember. but i keep your memory. you visit me in my sleep. my darling...who knew.

i miss you.

my darling, who knew.

tsk tsk.

it's ten.fourty four. nothing due tomorrow. and the song is on repeat. it makes me hyper and melted at the same time. that crummy feeling in your stomach. the same feeling i get when i realize i have no idea who to think about taking to prom yet. fine. no more thinking about prom first. ARGH.

i predict....this saturday will totally suck ASS.

---- at least i hope it will.

FINE. everytime i think of "it", i really get freaked. how could i? why was i so blinded? haha. i've made myself look so incredibly stupid in a span of three months. and so much ass-whipping rumors, man! it probably seemed like i was asking for it already so they all just came. and then and then? idiot invitation. idiot words and actions. starts with T, rhymes with banga? yeah that. which is why i'd rather not think about supposedly good memories. because they just suck. that's probably the second thing i want to erase. too messy. too yucky. too stupid.

mickey, if you read this, SHUT UP. no nga eh. so you think i won't tell you if i do? so you're saying our level is that low that i won't tell you? so you're putting yourself down? KFINE. haha. draaaamaaa. ooh, mmmmmm.

i shall leave you with this. parlor = cosmo uk subscription = july issue =

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ

IS SO GORGEOUS.

what if?....naaaah.

♥ i'm not in the mood.

Currently Reading The Lovely Bones: A Novel By Alice Sebold see related

there was a party last night, last night. cigarettes and empty bottles, empty bottles.

just came from rockwell. this was a good day. good day. :D

though i did not reach the second and third floors of rockwell, i managed to conquer zara and mango so i'm pretty satisfied. hopefully i finish all i need to do by late sunday. though, i'll be left with the ones other people left behind for the "late" ones to take already. i just want to buy sports bras and visit nike and adidas. okay..maybe i need to buy sports bras. haha. or i'll be forever marked with GWJB till forever.

so much for dota/counterstrike day. ended up being threes/mcdo/laughtrip day. sorry isabel nica and steph if you guys got into trouble. let's do it again! with out anyone getting grounded. heehee. mcdo was fun. so much people! that's like the galle of ateneans and knollers i guess. interesting. i saw mico? right anj? haha. ;) we missed sam's mario party party! sayaaaang. katin and rim were in drews with sam and dan. and then and then..bea. south beach! haha. that was one extra weird experience. walking in katipunan in shorts. laughing our heads off and looking like fools in mcdo. singing out loud before getting in the car. taking pictures with sky and asia. SO CUTE. and then bea and i decided to watch high school musical. i swear, corbin bleu's arms are so kinky. and his hair is the kinkiest of them all. i'm really not head over heals for zac effron though, but his arms are sexy too. ha-ha. i'm sorry, but i really despise my arms. and so i've concluded that guys with great arms who smell good are already up one thousand pogi points in my chart.

do you want to be my one and only love?

i'm reading the lovely bones now. borrowed it from bea's. it's kinda freaky. about this girl who got murdered, and she's narrating the story from her viewpoint in heaven. pretty interesting. i shall review it when i'm done.

oh. guess who's phone and nano got confiscated last wednesday?

i'm excited for tomorrow! arielle's party and our coaches' show. i've NEVER watched their shows, so i'm super uber mega ultra over the top excited to watch. they are ultimo the best. i shall clap and cheer and lalala. if you guys want to watch, please do! it's i think P200 per ticket and it's at UP. it'll benefit the UP streetdance club for their trip to LA when they compete for that big world streetdance competition. representing the our country, yo! and if their routine last year was the amazing, this year's is one million times better! [ according to coach sherwin. ] haha. it's worth every cent. i'm sure no one will leave that concert without an open wow-ed mouth. ;)

i'm sleepy. and i'm not really in the mood to post anything. maybe tomorrow. i'll think of something worth.

&i know i'm not that special to you. but somehow i wish you just cared a bit more. just a little bit more.

Currently Listening Go By Vertical Horizon when you cry see related

you wish you never knew her at all.

drive back baby, do me fast in your car. i'm here waiting. crash into me real hard.

i've been drowning myself with a single repeating playlist of it hurts and crappy love ballad by a&a, crash by gwen and secret oath and bound to happen by the spill canvas in that order. ain't that a nice combination. i just emailed my that-one-rich-hot-tita everyone has. she texted me the other day to "email her all the things we want and not be shy". ha, perfect. yeah, she's the one with everything branded and four speedys and perfect skin. oooh, shopping. yeah, THAT tita. okay. this part is senseless.

i'm not really in the mood to share my utterly stupid thoughts poorly explained making it misunderstood or not understandable at all, so i shall let southpark speak for me first.

"love isn't a decision. it's a feeling. if we could all choose who we love, then life would be so much easier...and so less magical." -- mr. twig.

can you imagine something like that coming from southpark? well it did. and that's the third smack on the face this week. pssh.

this feels like an argument. fine, we can't choose who we love, so we go for whoever our heart "calls". BUT, that's putting all respect aside. which means not caring about stepping on other people. and that's not so good anymore. even if it seems like we can't choose who we love = we might fall in love with "the wrong guy" in the eyes of someone else = best friend's ex boyfriend, guy-who-likes-you's best friend, some older man, that doesn't give you an excuse of choosing not to fall in love. falling takes time, pretty much enough time for you to switch your feelings and get over it. it's still your choice whether or not to pursue whoever. just think, there's almost always something better for you around the corner. you just gotta wait. if the situation is ugly, then it might not be for you. might just be your heart gambling with your head. and what have we learned about gambling, kids? that it's bad! ;) haha. but who am i to talk? not like i've ever been in love. so don't take my word for it. don't take anyone's word for it! just...think and conclude for yourselves. what you do is your fault, not someone else's. THINK. :D

okay...i kind of copied sort of exactly what zach braff said in my favorite episode. haha, loser.

this scene is where everyone's giving me a sermon about going out with that girl who's husband's still in a comma. and zach's getting pissed cause they're making such a big fuss about him just to make it seem like his life sucks as much as theirs. and he's telling them how they're idiotically clueless for not seeing how lucky they actually are already.

"&the only comfort i get from sitting at home without anybody to talk to is knowing there are idiots like you who don't know how lucky you are."

this is the last scene, where zach's walking in the hallway with all the nurses and doctors hovering around him.

"i don't think people are meant to be by themselves. that's why if you actually find someone you care about, it's important to let go of the little things...even if you can't let go all the way. because nothing sucks more than the feeling of being alone no matter how many people are around."

familiar? yeah, that was in my last post. i kind of tweaked it a bit. favorite line, man. to all the idiots out there, that's for you.

so much for a productive post. ha, g'night!

it's ridiculous. you're ridiculous.

Currently Listening Maneater By Nelly Furtado see related

you're reserved. i reserved you. that's a good thing. i think.

i'm sick. but if i want to watch take the lead and the lake house tomorrow, i need to go to school.

hmmm...why'd keanu have to be so gay.

why the hell am i suddenly prone to sickness? gosh. don't haunt me at the most crucial years of high school. please.

okay. so i don't have much to say today. only that i heard the perfect song. it's a year ninety ninety something song, and i've always known it, but for some reason it means more to me now than it ever did before. hmmm...i hate it.

"he is everything you want. he is everything you need. he is everything inside of you that you wished you could be. he says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you & you don't know why.

i am everything you want. i am everything you need. i am everything inside of you that you wished you could be. i say all the right things at exactly the right time, but i mean nothing to you...

&i don't know why."

this is what being manhid does to you. you become more of a loser than you already are. dagnabit.

lalalalalala.

i miss you samantha makalintal castro.

i just saw girlfriend-boyfriend photos of this old friend. i saw her with him the other day and decided to check her photos. she's really hot, and he's really hot too. she's extremely nice, and i suppose he is too. he seems like a man version of her, and they're so cute together. like they never get sick of each other. and would rather spend the whole day watching movies and riding mrt's. and for the first time in a long time, i felt like i was smacked on the head with a stamp that reads "alone". sucks.

was watching scrubs in star just a while ago. zach braff's words felt like a smack on the head too.

"it's funny how you realize you miss someone you barely even know."

people don't realize how lucky they are to be with someone. long time relationship. short flings. or just hanging out. stupid people pay more attention to the little things. when you find someone you feel so good about, no matter how many irritating habits he has, or if he forgets your first anniversary, little things shouldn't bother you much. because nothing sucks more than the feeling of being utterly alone, even with the million people around you.

maybe that's why i want a "good guy friend". someone to call anytime or pull for the most shallow of reasons. maybe that's why i'm feeling annoyed because i don't have that yet. maybe that's why i'm irritated that some ass out there isn't irritating me anymore as usual. i think i'd rather be arguing with him all the time than not talking to him at all. hmm. this all just sucks.

"sucks" is my favorite word today.

♥ i _____ you very much. do you _____ me too? i hope so. or, not.

Currently Listening Punk Goes Acoustic By Various Artists firewater by yellowcard see related

i was never good at goodbye.

september 15th in the states, the last kiss is showing. OH MY. i'd love to be there on that day.

please show the last kiss here in this twc [ third world ]. please please please. please.

zaaaaaccchh brraaaaaffffff. mhm. ;)

ack. i just reviewed my algebra. yes, dork. but i'm a cool dork who stood alone while watching mango float play last night. and i didn't let my not so appropriate school supplies shopping day get up of red shorts and black big shirt bother me. even if clearly it was a place where my chucks would fit perfectly. hey, at least i got my company. knowing the vocalist made me feel so much...cooler. HA! perks of knowing rj, his voice is amazing PLUS he makes you look cool when people see he's standing with you before he goes on. i could still picture the faces of those girls in front of me giving me a stare. "ooh, i think they like you!" haha. i don't even think he heard me say that. we were too near the speakers. so anyway, i just found out tansan ni gaston played too. that's another band i've never seen live but keep promising i would. and i saw the video! karl was hilarious! i can't believe i missed that, garr. i literally just came and went. i didn't even wait for the announcing of winners. there was this group we passed on the way down all wearing black sweaters and polos inside. just with their outfits, i already wished i saw them play. rj said dalandan soda won. dunno who they are either. there was that group before mango float...pretty girls in pretty gowns screaming their lungs out. that was...a site. "do you sing like that?" "nope, i don't think so." "k,good." mr. HUMBLE BOY. haha. the pa cute face made me wanna slap somebody. [ that's a good thing. ] haha. next time again.

i just realized all my posts have at least one mistake in grammar or spelling or lala. ha, i rock.

WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE.

okay. this is why i argue with people who say i have more chances of getting a prom date than them. i don't want to take "just a friend". i can't just take anybody. not any friend. no matter how many machos i know, if he's just a macho to me then that doesn't count. i want at least a little spark. that giddy feeling. so i just can't take anyone. and another reason...if i do meet someone now, i've gotta really know him by prom night. i don't want to ruin another spark night. i wanna be sure about who i'm taking...which is why i'm thinking about just taking mr. k. i gotta figure out who my mr. k can be though. just in case i don't get to take someone i'm more attracted to, or if i get that paranoid, mr. k's the man to take. i've had bad experience with taking someone i like and then the night turned out to be not what i expected. ha-ha. so at least with him i know i'll have the time of my life no matter what. i mean, no kiss under the stars or staring into eyes slow dance or any other kinky moment from the movies, but at least i'm safe. haha. yeah, answer to the date problem right. BUT. i gotta figure out the perfect mr. k first. and...think who else might ask him before i do. haha. i just wish he still thinks he's reserved like we unofficially talked about.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU.

i was talking to teacher jocel a while ago. we talked about "my friend" who had "this guy friend" who everyone thinks should end up with her but for some reason "they don't like each other". mga up grads talaga, talino everywhere! haha. she was telling me that sometimes when us girlies block our feelings, it's only cause we feel by doing that we're stopping ourselves from getting hurt again. because we already know how that feels and don't want it coming back anymore. so by blocking it, it's like we stop the pain from coming. what we forget is by doing that, we stop all the other feelings from coming too. like kilig moments and giddy feelings. and our common sense about love and lala stops, so we don't figure out who feels something else about us even if he's been slapping you in the face with signs. instead of reading "i love you, you idiot.", we make excuses like "he's just being a nice friend as usual", "impossible, i know who he likes." or the worst, "KUYA talaga." but we're not that strong, even if we think everything's going fine. since he doesn't get the replies he wants to hear from you, thinking you don't like him even if you subconsciously do but are trying hard not to, he leaves and entertains another chick. and then day after day his calls are lessened and his texts are counted. and you wonder why you're feeling crappy because he's not texting or calling or making kwento. and when you see him with that other chick, you feel a sting inside that you'll later on find out is the jealousy needle. so you try to "get him back" by texting again and being "little sis" or whatever you first were to him, but nothing. you act like a fool and call and text and make excuses why he doesn't reply or cuts your phone calls short. and then soon after, when you're just a hi-hello to him, you realize he's the world to you. that one boy who makes your knees weak or who's voice makes you melt or that one boy who knew you like no one did or whatever sweetie patootie reason you have for falling in love with him too late. you'll realize that instead of making you feel better, blocking your feelings and then realizing later on made you feel so much worse. and the saddest part, you can't do anything about it anymore. when a guy is rejected, your name is torn in half inside his mental little black book. he'll know you, but he'll know how much you hurt him so much more. so that's that. no do-overs. and you're left with hoping he'll come back to you, and wondering if he's thinking about you at that moment. even if you know the truth is he's in bora making out with the third girl of the night and only thought of you once that whole trip when he saw your name register in his phone after you miscalled. see, pathetic.

hmph...lesson of all this? GO FOR IT. don't care about what other people'll think. that's their problem, not yours. forget the unwritten rules for once. it's not their ego on the line, it's yours! they probably love you too much to care about what happens to your heart. maybe it'll do you good. maybe telling him how you feel is the only thing he's waiting for from you. or even just a little bit more "i like you." and a little less..."friend". he'll get it. it'll be like his go signal. stop keeping it to yourself. remember, "she/he will never know if you will never show the way you feel inside." -- jesse mccartney, the kim possible movie.

MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH.

rj is watching failure to launch now. and before that he watched take the lead. the great piss off! "just because you're a vocalist of a band!" I AM SO JEALOUS. the last movie i watched was...xmenIII! i am the ultimate loser now, i know. the benchwarmers. over the hedge. chaos. take the lead. failure to launch. cars. ;) the da vinci code. all add up to my list of movies i missed. together with all star wars movies and the lord of the rings trilogy. haha.

is it too obvious that i'm in love with imogen heap's goodnight and go? i actually have been for the past month or so. and i think they're all annoyed that i sing it out of tune. heehee. i'm still thinking who i can stick the song to. mr. k maybe. in the future. when i find him. haha. i've been talking about an imaginary probable date again, and that is totally normal. ;) oooh, no class tomorrow. are the malls open? i'd like to go on a movie marathon please. yes, i'm off to pull people again. maybe just one or two.

PENNY ESTRADA. I'M SO GOING TO MISS YOU.

penny on xmen...

"dude, si angel ang ganda ng angel wings! as in the hot one ah..di yung pakpak. hahaha."

HAHAHA. and that was just one of the messages. hahaha. i♥YOU, babe. you made my night!

xmen iv! and v! and vi! and vii! i don't want it to end yet. angel still needs on screen time. the world still needs to drool over his angel wings. he was hot in hostage too, just freaked me out a bit. his eyes, oooh his stare. i love good stares. they're as kinky as man's scents. okay, so now it's men's perfume&kinky ass stare. hmm...tricky.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE GET ALONG SO WELL.

okay it's ten and i miss my bed. school starts next week, officially. this is it, give it all or give shit. i have this funny feeling in my stomach. i think i miss something. like today's not so complete. i think...i think i miss you. whoops.

you left me here all by myself. left me with all the reasons why i was wrong for you.