tramseyer's Xanga

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 06:03:18 GMT

I'm a coward ....

It's strange, sometimes, how things come up. An idea pops up in front of you, in following it you turn around, then look up - and whoa! that little something turns out to be quite huge!

Now, I'm obviously writing this at almost 1 in the morning, but it's truly not a "dark hour of the soul" moment.

I did absolutely nothing on at least five of my most important must-dos yesterday (Saturday). I did do some work on slightly lesser things, but now I have to rush or get counted off on the others.

I find myself doing this more and more often - and have realized that it's because I'm avoiding what will happen if I don't have the excuse of needing to do these must-dos.

If I don't get them done during the week, then I have the excuse to not join in the weekly chat with a bunch of wonderful people - except for two that I once thought were my friends. I don't have to deal with that.

Another example - if I don't get them done/worked on each day, I have no time to write, thus ensuring that nothing ever gets posted anywhere, that I don't improve because no one reads me, and though I say "I'll write it someday," which, of course, never comes.

I read something today, which partly is the reason why I'm posting this. It's stuck with me today.

The entire entry is here: http://www.realgoalgetter.com/2005/09/motivation-get-unstuck.html ; I've trimmed out a part of it:

Ask for help. I know this idea sounds so un-American-I can do it myself-I can handle it-I don’t need any one-proud and independent blather, but it works, just about every time. Just make sure you ask the right people: instead of asking those that are just as stuck as you, ask those who have been where you are and found their way to the other side.

A word of caution, however. While there is much to gain by getting un-stuck, there are a few things you must be prepared to give up as well. Things like:

•not being responsible/accountable for where you are
•no one expecting anything from you
•the helpless victim role
•the security and safety of the familiar

But if you are ready to give these things up, then let’s get going, it’s time to get unstuck and go live. It’s like the old saying, “a ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not for what ships are made.”

Happy sailing, and keep the change!

Gee, Theresa, you've almost run aground again, isn't it about time you sailed back out into the ocean? :rolleyes:

Going to bed soon
Theresa
(who feels better after posting

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 05:09:25 GMT

(for September 27, 2005)

1. Goals and intents and how far I've gotten – makes me accountable.

Found out I made a B (and got a "good job") in my Business Law class. I'm proud of it - put a lot of hard work into the class to earn that B, by golly! However, I'm disappointed because it's pulled me down into the lower B ranking for gpa, 3.22. I got B+'s in my other classes; I haven't been able to break that B/A barrier. I don't want to graduate in 2/07 with a low B or lower gpa on a Master's degree, for Pete's sake!

Went through my solo for the 22nd twice on stage. I'm not used to singing solos, nervousness and lack of practice won out. I remembered all the words, and did ok, but still needs work.

2. What are my plans? What progress have I made?

I didn't plan for the day, which is likely a good portion of why nothing got done. Made no progress.

3. What happened today? Memoir of life, descriptive writing

Routine - wake, work, home, eat, sleep, eat, sing, home again.

4. Inspiration/motivation. Quotes, stories, etc.

Nothing.

5. ** Positive statements and compliments – made about me and what I made about others

Three or four said the solo sounded good. I know I need to practice more too - not negating the compliments, but knowing I did so little practicing this past week.

6. Lists – anything important to me that I want to analyze and/or remember. Examples are food intake, budgets, personal growth plans and progress, professional goals, books to read, job-seeking plans or business development plans

A small part of my mind is screaming "do me! and me! and me!," the rest is saying, "I'm tired and going to bed" - been up the past couple of nights until 2 AM.

7. Dreams – as if happening in present, explore, don't judge

Centered on sleep!

8. Creative works – not just my own – poem, song, photo, art – write what thoughts and feelings are. Record words or add sketches/pictures if possible.

None - though there are a couple that are nagging to be finished.

9. Criticism – journal what I learned from it

Just work on solo vocals. Turns out they want a bit of choreography too. That might be a little more than my brain can handle!

10. If I am feeling badly, why am I doing so? Write an action that I can take right now to correct each reason on my list.

Frustration - can be altered by sleep, list/plan tomorrow etc. and follow through. ACTION.

11- 22. Mind blank. Nothing.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 00:45:40 GMT

09-18-2005, 09:23 PM

Posting some LT goals .... 25 so far

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Evening All

I decided to post my current long term goals. There are a couple of every week ones thrown in, but it's a rough draft anyway, not organized.

1. Monday morning/every morning - Mark's Monday Morning Manifestations .

2. Weigh 100-110 pounds by June 1, 2006 - to look good in a swimsuit/scuba diving, for health. How - Matt Furey exercises (which I haven't done yet today . )

3. Learn to scuba dive by June 1, 2008 - for trips to Hawaii, Australia, and so forth. Because RL did it in Namu. Because it looks like fun. My 50 goals #4(from the my50 site)

4. CH Writing Perc each week - write to at least 2 prompts this week. Ongoing/every week. Because if nothing else, it will keep me in writing practice. It's freewriting, but I still get feedback.

5. CH Writing Perc each week - comment on at least 10 subs this week. Ongoing/every week. Because it's not fair to the others to only comment on my writings - turn about's fair play. Most other lists have a balance limit - the last one I read was 5 crits for every sub. The amount seems fair to me.

6. Visit Paris France on my way to see Alex by June 1, 2009. Because everyone should visit Paris in the spring at least once . My 50 goals #9

7. Visit Alex in France or England by June 1, 2009. She lives in France, but she will be teaching near London starting next month through May. I'm sure she will be asked back for many more years, if she wants to. For fun, to meet her face-2-face, France is great in the spring. I've also always wanted to see London, especially 221 B Baker Street .

8. Test drive a Ferrari by April 1, 2006. Because I want to say I've driven one! I've seen one up close and personal years ago at a car show, but have no clue if there's one anywhere near here. It will be fun! My 50 goals #12.

(btw) anyone know of any US sites similar to the one linked with my50 ? why should UK people have all the fun?

9. Go to the theatre (local) by April 1, 2006. My 50 goals #15, think of Lansing's theatre, either MSSU or Little Theatre, it will be fun!

10. Visit New York City around Christmas by August 1, 2015. My 50 goals #29, see Liz, just for fun - see the Christmas lights etc. at Time Square. Maybe on my way up to see Andi?

11. Go to the theatre in New York by August 1, 2015. Lansing's "20 Anniversary of Birth" Pilgramage will hopefully be in June of that year! My goals #15A, because it will be fun !

12. Do a parachute jump by October 1, 2006. My 50 goals #34, because it looks so beautiful from the ground at air shows. Because I want to.

13. Begin horseback riding lessons by May 1, 2006. My goals #30, because I've always wanted to, can discuss horses with Steffi and TAE etc., maybe be in competitions?

14. Take a hot air balloon ride by June 1, 2006. I know there's a local club, the balloons come overhead at least twice a summer, and they have "public" day. My 50 goals #25, because it looks like fun! great views for photography.

15. Treat myself to a health spa by Feburary 1, 2006. There's a small one in downtown Joplin, therefore available distance wise. would be a great treat for me, and mygoals #22 (can you tell I love that site????)

16. Learn to swim by September 1, 2006. I took lessons as a kid and don't have good memories, but I enjoy the water. to be ready for scuba diving, good exercise, my 50 goals #16

17. See the Northern Lights (and hear them sing!) by August 1, 2015. My 50 goals #47, would be beautiful to see and hear

18. Visit Machu Picchu by Jan 1, 2025. My 50 goals #45, looks interesting

19. Learn hieroglyphics by September 1, 2015. I've always loved ancient Egypt and Egyptology. I want to see the pyramids and Sphinx up close and personal. Would be wonderful to read the heiroglyphs straight from the walls.

20. Visit the pyramids by September 1, 2015. See #19 above. I have a girlfriend who is studying to be an Egyptian archeologist, and has worked an Egyptian dig with her school - they made some small finds that were written up in the magazines and scholastic papers!!! She's the half-sister of my best friend, and both of them live in Australia

21. Go whale watching by September 1, 2020. My 50 goals #42, whales are beautiful, always looks so interesting.

22. Visit Dawn in Australia by September 1, 2010. To see my best friend f2f! . By then I should have some vacation time built up in my post-school job, and money saved. She already has so much planned, I'd best start saving up sleep now!

23. Take a power parachute ride by June 1, 2006. Every summer or two there's a meeting of power parachuters that brings people from all over the US - one year Dad and I went, and helped a man from Texas load up his machine to head home. Unfortuantely, the weather didn't cooperate until late in the evening, and I used the excuse of time and stuff to do for Sunday (the next day) to chicken out.

24. Start sailing lessons by June 1, 2006. I have no clue how this one's going to happen either! The next time I'm in NYC, I want to go sailing with Liz and the others, and be able to help and contribute, instead of just sitting there like a bump on a log. I can enjoy the sail either way, but it will be more fun to be a part and a help.

25. (Thought of one more, while waiting for my 60 seconds between posts to finish out) Start self-defense/karate lessons by April 1, 2006. This might be a little iffy, because the lessons at the dojo down the street are on Thursday nights and Saturdays. As it looks right now, I will do better with a Tuesday night lesson - if the Bible Study Dad and I have been going to for a year starts up again on Thursdays this summer ( we're taking the school year off, because the other participants are in so many church activities), then that will create a problem. But, by April, who knows?????

Well, that's where I'm at right now. I know I have more.

I haven't started writing down the closer goals yet - but I know you all will help me hold my feet to the fire in getting all of these completed!

Off to get these a bit more organized on their ring......

Theresa
__________________
Gentlemen, I believe we have much to discuss.
(Robert Lansing as Control, the Equalizer, "Trial By Ordeal" )

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 00:44:32 GMT

09-15-2005, 09:40 PM

Ummm, gee, well, urk! That's about how I feel at the moment, for some strange reason. It's silly - I have all these goals and plans and dreams, but when it comes to writing them down and planning on paper - whoof! they all disappear. It's almost like I have to force myself to do it.

I decided and began planning out learning to scuba dive. It will be a good skill to have when I go to Australia and Hawaii in the next few years (ok, some more goals actually somewhere besides my head!).

Took a break to think further about this for a few minutes. I know a big part of this resistance I have to getting busy, especially on things that matter, is from the years Mom & Dad & I spent volunteering in a certain church, which later kicked us out for doing outreach and bringing in the "local trash" - girls and kids from families that weren't white-collar folks with lots of money. No mention, of course, that we spent every spare minute and then some at that church, especially since it is only two houses down from ours.

We were busy, and overwhelmed, never had a vacation or any family time. When I wanted out, that was denied, and I felt brushed aside and used.

Even though I know now that I have and will have the option to say no, or slow down, or rearrange my goals, etc., I still get those lousy feelings when I pick up the pace - even to making mistakes and/or not getting things done that I want to.

I'll have to think about this some more

Now I need to go to bed, before I fall asleep over the keyboard!
__________________
Gentlemen, I believe we have much to discuss.
(Robert Lansing as Control, the Equalizer, "Trial By Ordeal" )

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 00:43:22 GMT

Ok, I'm trying to get all my journal/blogging websites kind of on the same page. Since Xanga doesn't allow backdating, I'm going to toss in a couple of old posts from somewhere else, and will date them in the body as they were written.

09-17-2005, 01:11 PM
I love this beautiful life .... :)
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...and I like the chorus of Daryl Worley's song "I love this crazy, tragic, Sometimes almost magic, Awful, beautful life" (ok, so the spelling's wrong on the site I copied from http://www.dapslyrics.com/display.php?sid=6895 )

I've been writing down and dating goals this morning, plus setting them up on index cards per Josh Hind's newsletter of 8/29/2005. I'm not going into as much detail as he does though - right now I just want to get the basics of each goal down and go on to the next. Since the index cards are something I'm going to SEE every day, I'll be updating them often anyhow.

I'm kind of suprised at how many I have. Dating them has been interesting too. I've been concentrating on long term goals in my thoughts lately. Discovered there's quite a bit of USA and international travelling I want to do, though I'm definitely a homebody. People to see, though, people to see! Deciding where I want to go first, to try and get the trips in some semblance of order in a time line, where I'll have enough time to save up for the next one - that's been challenging.

Challenging, but easy, since the earliest of these goals is dated Feb 1, 2006. That's the "treat yourself to a health spa" for those who are on http://www.my50.co.uk . There is a "spa" in downtown Joplin I've been thinking about looking into, so this will be the perfect excuse

Now I'm getting into the "up close and personal goals" and the things/steps I need to be doing on them. These are the goals I can be meeting and the steps I can be taking NOW, if I'd just get with it and do them.

Will share those and more later, but need to do something else for a while.

Theresa
__________________
Gentlemen, I believe we have much to discuss.
(Robert Lansing as Control, the Equalizer, "Trial By Ordeal" )

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 21:36:32 GMT

The Visitor...

Yesterday morning around 10 I checked to see if the outdoor cat had eaten her food -- and there was the kaddy-kornered neighbor's dog, in our front yard, with broken chain. Of course I put her in our backyard :).

She ended up staying about 22 hours or so. I brought her into my room last night, to get her out of the big thunder storms that rolled through, and because she's a barker. She also loves to give cats fits, which made the evening really interesting! All the playful energy in the world. She was definitely not a lap dog!

She stands knee high; so now I'm reinforced on what sizes of dog we should probably not get, or at least should judge very carefully - there is this adorable dog that looks like about that height on petfinder.org. When I begin work again, I'm going to have a horrible time choosing if Dad seriously limits me to one dog again, which I think he will. Since it is his house . But I think we should have at least two, to gang up with each other against the cats.

Anyhow, as you can tell, I played with her all day and evening, so didn't get much done. It was great fun though!

Theresa

Monday, April 04, 2005

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 23:05:32 GMT

Don't look now, but .... (HUGE SMILE!!!!!!)

I've lost weight! Can't prove it by any means but visual, since we don't have a scale, but I looked in the mirror tonight, and it looks a lot better than the last time!

I believe what Oprah says about loosing weight as you deal with your emotions is true.

I'm excited!

Theresa

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 23:35:59 GMT

Well, the sun came out, didn't it?

And it has been a glorious day --- still is. Sun shine, dryness, warmth...all good. Cardinals and robins and finches and blue jays oh my!

I'm much more positive than I was the other night, obviously. I try to stay grateful and positive, but sometimes I let the need to vent engulf me until I claw my way out of it by writing it down.

I had a thought today: I've been focusing on going back to New York in late October for the second Pilgrimage. While I still definitely want to go, I also want to go to Hawaii with the McGarrett group next year. Suggestions, please. Should I concentrate on Hawaii in 2006, and treat the NY trip as a "nice work if I can get it" idea? Last year most of the people that I wanted to meet f2f were there, and a couple said they wouldn't be able to come this year. But I've been out of the loop and am not sure if that's still the same. Ideas? Things I should think about?

Dinner's on, gotta go!
Theresa

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 01:48:03 GMT

The sun's gotta come up tomorrow, right? (sigh). I've been struggling along for over 2 years now. Surely something's going to break soon - something major league and positive, positive, positive!!!!

Another blasted bad check return notice came today -- and I've been so careful - which put my account back in the negative. I didn't hop right down and put my $45 birthday money in, so this is what I get? I still show a positive balance in the checkbook.

No sign of a good job, either, something that I'd now like to do. It's nuts. I don't want to be a receptionist/secretary anymore, but I don't have the training for much else of an office job, or any job, period.

I know it's impossible to go back in time, but I sure wish I'd gotten my depression/anxiety treated years ago, when I first noticed the symptoms and some other problems, instead of just last year. I think if I'd felt better, I would have made better choices. But I didn't, so I didn't, and I didn't. I've greatly improved from what I was, true, but tonight I feel like I'm sliding backwards 50 feet for every 20 that I climb out of this hole I've put myself in.

Grrrrrrrr!

Ok, rant over. Thanks for reading -- I'm keeping on keeping on! :)

Theresa

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 14:37:53 GMT

Anyone else see the sunrise this morning? Glorious variations of pink washed across my white walls. Beautiful! :)

Theresa