this week has been especially hard for me

first off: i was supposed to go see my mom on monday, but she called me and told me to come on tuesday because she had to take care of something. i find out the next day that what she was dealing with was my gross aunt who relapsed again, she's such a fucking loser and im sick of her and her bullshit. it seems as though after 14 months of being clean she decided to pick up the crack pipe again, because she called my mom asking for help..which my mom took care of. she set up a place in a rehab for my aunt, but then my aunt decided not to go and was more interested in trying to cover up what happened rather than finally fixing her life after 15 years of drug usage. and she still thinks she's going to get custody of my three cousins; joe, sean, and patrick. yeah right, keep dreaming honey. anyways, so my aunt decided she didn''t want to go to this program and my mom was like hiding my aunt in the back room at work. my mom works in a really big law firm in midtown and couldnt afford to have my aunt stay there if she wasn't willing to follow through with what my mom set up. so basically my mom gave my aunt the 80 dollars she owed her and pointed her in the direction of an E train.

second: my mom had been waking me up by at least  7:30-8:00 every morning, sometimes earlier.

third: this has to do with the above. one morning she had me up at 5:30..to go to a god damn NA meeting...at 7:00 am. and speaking of the NA meetings, which for those of you who don't know stands for narcotics anonymous..which if you don't know my might come as a shock, because yes, my mom has a drug addiction...get the fuck over it, because it doesn't mean jack shit about me as a person. anyway so yeah i went to like 5-6 meetings this week three just on friday which was like 1-800-over-kill

fourth: im tired. just extremely tired of life at the moment...im just like -done- with life at the moment. like im up at l ike 7:00 am in the morning to get ready to go to a church i haven't been to in about 3 years. then i have to sit through that and pretend im happy. then i have to go over to jamaica train station to grab a train out to my grandma's for an easter brunch and i only have like 2 hours there before my dad has to pick me up. which really bugged me because i felt bad that i had to leave after like 2 hours of being there on easter. so then my dad picks me up, brings me home, i get dressed and shiz and then we gotta run all the way into nassau county to have an easter dinner with my other g-ma [yes i love the word g-ma, it makes them sound so -gangster-].

as usual, i planned way too much for one person to do in a day to make everyone else in my life happy, instead of thinking about erica for a damn change...im a people pleaser, and i cant stop, even though it's killing me.

-sigh- done venting now i guess.

poice

so yeah, the past two days i haven't felt so good, but its nice to not go to school. im just so sick of it, not of just it, but of most of the people, is it just me or is my school like 1-800 assholes? i dont know if its just me but whatever. this weeks been hard i guess i have so much to do and its been kind of emotionally hard for me but ill get over it, i always do. im really bored right now, because theres no one around to talk to, but what do i get at 11 in the morning?

-sigh-

i think im gonna go take a shower now, ill probably bbl to post again, not that anyone cares or will actually look

erica

::sigh::i dont really know what to say, i used to use xanga a lot, and then myspace got into my head, and like stole me away, but i feel bad, and its easier to express how you feel on here, because there arent like 324095409 people that know you are on here, but besides that..nothings really been happening, been taking midterms, or failing them, either way, trying to stay happy, its hard though, seems like there are just way too many things against me right now, im single now and thats hard because i almost forgot what it was like, i think i might like someone, maybe two people, first problem i could never have them so that sucks but whatever, ive become better friends with people that ive sworn myself to hate for life, and actually im happy with that because a lot of them are different people than they were when they did whatever godforsaken thing they did for me to hate them. weve all changed so much, it kind of shocks me, but i guess its just going to keep on happening all our lives. thats enough of me being philisophical. well im gonna try to figure out something to do today..which means ill probably sit in my room all day.