treewithhope's Xanga

生きるべきか、死ぬべきか

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:22:02 GMT

今天已經是我在日本的第670天
一起來日的朋友昨天也回香港了.......
想起再也沒有人跟我一起分享找工的辛酸，2X歲的煩惱，頭上的負擔…
花掉時間，金錢，青春…到底這670天，值得嗎。
想想，依稀記得剛來的一年，自己還是深深相信每一天都是有意義，是對未來的一個投資
雖然這一刻我不會說我後悔，但是真的值得嗎，還真的說不出。可能要再等個十年二十年才找到答案。
眼看身邊的朋友都在外國發展，心裡有說不出的感觸
是妒忌還是羨慕自己都不太清楚
可以到這裡生活其實已經很滿足了吧…應該滿足吧…但為什麼心裡還是感到空虛，似是一個空洞，任我怎麼努力都不能把它填滿。

身邊有朋友要結婚了，真的感到很震撼，是到了那些"朋友一個接一個結婚，剩下自己一個單身"的年紀嗎？
突然感到很可笑，這些橋段以前只會在電視劇看到，現在真的發生了。
明年也有朋友要結婚了吧，哈
有朋友今年剛進大學，還有四年才畢業，想一想，四年後的我又會是一個怎樣的人呢…是和現在一樣嗎…
順利的話，應該已經結了婚吧…應該。
很想知道自己最後會選哪一條路，而陪在身邊的又會是誰？或者並沒有一個真的可以陪著走下去的人？

以前從來不承認做錯決定，今天回頭看，自己真的，真的，真的，錯了。很久以前就錯了。
原來聽父母的話，真的很重要
怎麼我今天才知道？

Spending 6 hours at Shinjuku.......

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 15:19:36 GMT

Life at Japan......A meaningless and wasteful day at Shinkjuku......

so cute

so so cute

so so so so so so so so so CUTE!

But they all cost over HK$70...therefore I didn't buy......photo taking is enough for me, this time....haha

Honey's Birthday 01-11-07

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 15:16:16 GMT

IT's a day worth to be celebrated, not only because it's your birthday........it's becoz I can be here with you on this day, making it become such a special day :) Happy 27th Birthday.....i know you will remain young at heart though...... as always.....

My cute honey

Indonesian food, by me....

Seems to be the ugliest cake

Love you always and forever, honey......

Life in Japan........

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:01:36 GMT

Long long long time not using my beloved xanga......I just thought it has been turned down coz I haven't used it for such a long long time.....

Time flies soooooo fast that to me, my birthday seems just passed ....but hey, wake up candace choi....it's already the end of October..... And by that it means the day of my death is approaching, at a thundering speed, gosh! I am going to sit for the Lv 1 Jap Test witihn one month! I just cannot believe it that i have come to Japan for more than a year ( one and a half year, technically speaking)........

What I got after this 1 and half yr in Jp:

Japanese Friends: 3 ( my Jap teachers at school)
Mandarin speaking Friends: Many

PS. but my best friends are still HK ppl......

Language Abiliy:

Japanese: Grammar- Lv3 , pretending to be Lv 1

Oral- Lv 3 , but can manage to express anything during any Shopping Process

Kanji - Maintaing the same level as before, but manage to pronounce my

own chinese name in japanese

Mandarin : Lv 1 , if there is any system of judging.

Oral: Managed to acquired the level of native speaker,Taiwanese Accent (Bigest Achievement)

Non measurable gain:

A Non Chinese Bf ( personally think this is quite cool, but no offense)
got to know a lot lot lot of indonesia.......but still haven't changed my attitude....what a dangerous and corrupted place is it!
THE ABILITY TO RIDE ON A BICYCLE!
2 closets full of 80%new clothes......sorry, mum.....
Special Part time experience, e.g. making bread and cocktails
Got to familiarize with all the JR lines, and managed not to ride on the wrong train, not even once
The chance of wearing kimono while playing with fireworks at the front of the dormitory( Lucky me, no accidents)

Although I may not be able to pass the test, but I really haven't had any regret of coming here......

Thx for everything, every single thing that i have gone through till now.....for what i have become now......and i am striving hard to become better ........

Happy Happy Birthday to Me .......the really -getting -old -me...

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 16:27:54 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.........

為什麼奶昔不甜　為什麼風景不美　
因為你　在身邊　世界只剩下　一個焦點
一開始你就特別　從眼神就很體貼　
我們都　不穿鞋　光著腳穿越　耳語流言

#在這之前我到底是誰　你出現　
我眼前　一瞬間　一切都改變#

*Happy birth day　你就在我身邊
和你吃苦一生　勝過天堂一天

Happy birth day　告別憂傷昨天
自從遇見了你　才是我Happy birth day*

風箏和風在纏綿　詩人和詩在兜圈　
你坐在　我旁邊　這一種快樂　無法描寫

世界我環遊一圈　看很多空中小姐　
都沒有　比妳美　第一名模也　只能閃邊

Repeat # *

為什麼快樂也會流下眼淚
灌溉了我的荒野　開滿了玫瑰
我不累　我不睡　我不休息　我不闔眼　
我不想浪費　每一秒　在這　有你的世界

I still remember ......this is the song i put up on my xanga one year ago......exactly 1 yr ago.....

This 1 yr seems to be such a long yr for me......

I started my new life in Japan, I met new friends, I started to work part time in Japan, I became a student again, I attended career fairs in Japan, I said goodbye to him and I started holding your hand......I experienced so so so many new things and enjoyed so many "first times" throughout this yr.....

I turned 23 yrs old just now......I am getting old, really , old enough to handle my own things, to decide anything, and everything. No one will ever say no to what I wanna do or am doing, coz this is my own choice and if it fail, there will be no one to blame.

I am not ready for all these, frankly speaking I'd rather go back to the past, when everything was being decided and done.... and I just need to take my seat and follow the path.....Gosh , I miss all those happy and care-free days.....

An yr ago I had never thought of commitment or promise......which , to me, have always been so fake and far far away ........But just 1 yr passed ......everything changed, within a blink ........

However I am satisfied, really really happy of what I a having right now, at this moment, coz I know that you have already reserved a really special place for me in your heart.......And in my hands , I am holding the keys to your heart......and I shall be glad to hold it forever........

thanks for being there for me this birthday.......

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 14:53:21 GMT

    場面佈置奢華　來相約試婚紗
    原本未恨嫁　還害怕　保證的說話
    如果提前願意　明天成為歷史
    留低日誌　和你會否一致

    你會否　已預備鮮花
　著禮服求婚嗎
　戒指戴在無名指嗎
　尚未完全懂嗎　未到婚嫁
　如效法經典主角　跪我的腳下

　繼續幻想嗎　這叫做幸福嗎
　太喜愛問原因吧
　互咬一下　如下次來迎娶的密碼

　願留住戒指
　暫時讓我考慮接受你的好意
　被你看穿難期待下一次
　偏渴望　約定選嫁衣

　未來問多次
　若然未決定　停留猶疑位置
　你會否繼續熱情嘗試
    總會令我　不這麼理智

    再試一次　再想多次　還未願意
    如拒絕太不敬
    結果從未否定　愛你天性
    未來或會選擇轉用你的專姓
   誓約會否能持續的証明
   生老病痛　同途看星

   期待新意
   未能下決定　停留纏綿位置
   我到底渴望被人留意
   一再令你　專一的構思
   延續日後建議

總會令我　隨時回答　我願意

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 11:33:42 GMT

yeah, 1 week and 3 days left........ i am dreaming of my new new house now every night....... soon i will be embracing the new stage of my life......

今日去左大學院見學?#21516;教授討論我個研究計劃，唉，邊度有討論可言呀?#24471;佢講，問我點睇，係呀我有好多睇法呀，但係講唔出口呢?#30535;怕如果真係開始左讀，我每日都要帶錄音機錄起每堂，番去再慢慢聽一次?#30740;究計劃，寫係無問題呀，但係要面試呢?#21040;時對住三個日籍學者想唔口啞啞都假?#24819;起都有d驚??#21083;才同個教授講野時，我腳汗都出埋啦?#21780;好話我呀，我隔離考左二級的明明都口疾疾?/P>

好啦?#20877;努力一點！

朋友的媽媽一直叫她回香港?#20854;實我父母又何嘗不是這樣說?#21482;是我一直都站很硬罷了?/P>

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 15:25:35 GMT

it's a pity that the season of sakura has passed......so fast.....

but at least i got the chance to take a look .......

it's really the prettiest flower i have ever seen in my life.....

16 days before my moving day.......jesus, I am doing the count down everyday!

I feel so so so excited about moving out this daxn place !

The time needed to go to school has been greatly reduced, from 50 mins to 20 mins ! Thanks God , I love you!

Living with him is also something I have never done before....although it seems to be a normal thing to others.....

I am quite worried about it too, coz everyone is telling me there will be tons and tons of problems popping up afterwards, which may directly and indirectly affect our relationship, but I have faith.

I also believe it's better to reveal each others' bad habbits, coz we are not young now, it's better to know it earlier, whether this is really your missing piece or not. I really believe if we cannot stand living in such a small small house, it's impossible that we can get married or what.

I know there are things that we need compromise, i know why u were sad, why did you get frustrated......i really know and understand........let's not talk about the past anymore, ok honey.......

I do believe you are my, the missing piece.....

Friday, July 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 16:00:16 GMT

Karuizawa: place for the wealthy people...(wrong choice ><)

Is it not too late to put up our photo?

Paid 2000yen to watch pile of rocks........

The most expensive milk tea in my whole life----- 1500 yen!!! Cake----1000 yen!

My god.....we must be idiots >o<

u are always so "sunshine" honey.......luv you always.....

Life goes on, no matter u want or not

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 07:02:26 GMT

It has been so so so so long since my last entry.......

These few months were quite hard for me, there are so many things I need to deal with, so many decisions I have to make.

I have been trying really hard to find work over here, but the reality is, let me put it in another way, the chance is nearly 0....... However after spending quite a while in Japan, I really dun want to go back, not now, not before I have really master the language....... But I understand well that I need to support myself, and in a short while I may need to support my family too........

But still I made the decision, another crucial decision in my forseeable future....... I am staying in Japan for my master >o< There is one and only one condition, that is I can save enough money within 9 months..... WOW, this is such a great and hard challenge that seems I can never get over it..........But still I have to try.

Taking up other part time jobs , moving out are what I am doing .........Aim at saving as much money as I can!!!!!!

If I had not been so wasteful before ,I may not have to go through all these, haha..... ok ok , no more regret, just do it........

Moving out is another big big decision I made.....but this should be a great news for my friends , as you can come to stay at my house when u come to japan

I know the road ahead will become more and more difficult, but life need to go on .And I am not afraid coz I have you, you all behind me.......