"These are the times that try men's souls..."

Thomas Paine, Common Sense. I read that one quote over and over again in my junior year of high school, the most trying time yet.

And now I have to articulate how something like that stunted me emotionally and mentally for my personal statement to be sent to law schools. Suddenly I'm not so sure if i'm over the whole thing or ever was. Maybe I never will be. I just wish I wouldn't get so caught up in the past and attribute many of my accomplishments to "my heyday". The best thing is to gain strength from it and promise never to let that happen again. Or so i've comforted myself.

But was it entire voluntary? I'll never psychologically know. Just like my friendships. I may have some control when it comes to that. I've been both a good and bad friend. I miss two people right now, my two best friends. Why can't I just put  my pride aside and call them? It's hard for me, but I just can't. They've both hurt me in different ways, but they still mean alot to me. My sister above all. Then the other one..

Will all the things I've ever wanted actually start to happen? Financial stability? Graduation? Grad school? Love? Solid friendships?

Some of the more abstract things are beyond my control. For those that aren't, I suppose life "is what you make it". Plus a little bit of luck thrown in for good measure...

Edit: 3:40 a.m. - I keep forgetting how strong I really am. It's only after having read some of my previous Xanga posts dated from way back in freshman year that I remember how much I've been through. I should be proud of myself. And have more faith knowing i'm changing for the better.

"Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through..."