i figured its about that time again, when i should update everyone on my life. it's a good thing that i only do this VERY randomly because things change every day. and i'm way too lazy. here's the breakdown

i have a day off today. yippiieee! for those of you wondering, i am still at bed bath and beyond. apparently i love that place way too much to leave. ha. basically i'm a sucker. i need more mula but i'm way.comfortable.there. it's just easier to stay than change everything around for an extra 50 cents an hour. buuuuuut there is a bright lining in the job cloud. anna nicole remass is amazing first off. she is interning at guardian angel in joliet and thought of me when they had an opening for an advocate. low and behold, they hired me and i work there too. which is fabulous. i love working there. well i love the job in general, i don't care where i do it at. part of my job description is to be a medical advocate aka i meet a rape victim at a hospital and help them through the process. i help them understand their rights, medical procedures and tell them about the programs at guardian angel. it's pretty sweet. i went on my first call by myself a week or so ago. i was scared.out.of.my.mind but i prayed the whole way there and it went good. well as good as it can go.

the other part of my job.desc. is being a legal advocate which is my all time favorite thing ever. it incorporates my cjus degree and sowk minor all together in a big happy family life. i help the victims through the court process. wooo. it's way more exciting then i'm letting you in on. i just don't want you to get so excited that you steal my job from me. anyway, it's a part time gig and temporary because i'm taking the place of someone on medical leave. so technically i only have a job there until june 30. but it's all good because....

i know, this is probably what you've been waiting for..

i've been going through the process of getting a job as an adult probation officer for maricopa county in AZ. i went out there in february with my fam for a mini-vaca/interview and polygraph for the probation job. i guess i passed the polygraph, which was a little iffy because it was TERRIFYING. i got a letter on friday saying they were extending a conditional offer of employment. so that's pretty cool i guess. i need to go out there sometime soon and have a pysch evaluation and then they will work on my background check. so someone might be calling to check up on me. heads up. anyway, i'm excited. mom was much better about the idea of me moving to AZ before this letter came. ha. we'll see what happens. i'll keep you updated when things start clearing up.

and that's pretty much all my life consists of at the moment. work. which is lame. but i guess that means i'm growing up. gross.

but the sun is shining, the weather is getting warmer and summer is coming. which is all i need to make me happy. i get to wear flip flops and tank tops. and watch the white sox dominate. hollaaaaaa.

yep, life is good.

Well the good news is that things are looking up from my last post. Life is hard and hectic but I have a feeling that will never change. So I'll have to learn to roll with the punches and do my best, even when falling. There are just so many things that I want in my life right now and I get easily frustrated when reality sets in. I need to give it all up and let God do His work.

Speaking of. I really suck in that aspect of my life. My parents found a new church and I actually like it more than any of the other churches I've been to in the past few years. But I just don't feel connected, which is probably normal since I've only been there twice. I want to learn and grow and be stronger but it feels like I'm stuck. And I'm real lazy and content with  my life. How sad. I don't have any passion in my life, especially for the things I should have passion for.

My family went to the funeral for Barb and it was pretty hard. I've been to my fair share of funerals but this one was so different. Even than Sarah's. First off, we walk in and I hear Chris Tomlin worship music playing in the back. And not the music you hear at funerals. They were playing Forever, Indescribable, Holy is the Lord.. Songs that you would sing in the car when you are happy. The songs that make me smile when I truly sing them to God. I guess I was just shocked to walk in and have such happy and exciting music playing. I know that Barb was a Christian and her family was celebrating her going to the Lord. But man, four kids lost their mother. And a husband lost his only love. I know we need to praise God in every trial and celebration but the thought of it just took me by surprise. We talked to the kids quite a bit and they were so strong. I would be a wreck. And they were laughing, smiling while still hurting inside but not letting the pain overtake their joy. I can't fathom. Yet I want to pray for that.

Christmas is around the corner and to be honest, I'm not real excited for it this year. My family is so small that Christmas is really the one time we all come together. But my uncle has to work Christmas Eve and we don't get together with Uncle Jim anymore so it'll just be the four of us. Which will be nice I guess because Scott will be at the fire station Christmas Day so he won't be going with us to Indiana. I'm just so sad with this. I don't like the idea of Christmas without him there. But I pray that God can use him at the station so his absence isn't in vain.

I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. And it's getting past that point of being funny and more close to the point of it being really sucky. I NEED a job. I NEED to feel like I'm doing something with my life so I don't feel like it's a waste. I have a few irons in the fire so please pray that something pans out. And that I'll be open to going where I need to go. Even if I don't really want to anymore.

I'm going to cut this short. I could write all night. I've actually been trying to write a letter for the past few weeks and I somehow keep putting that off. It's easier to write to myself than to someone else. Anyways, I need rest. Lots of it.

Please have a safe Christmas and New  Years if I don't talk to you. I love you guys!

PS. I've been obsessed with Relient K, Carrie Underwood, Sugarland, and Rascal Flatts for the past month or two. It's amazing how the exact thoughts in my head have already been written.