is it me? or does it seem like the older we get, the more temporary the world around us becomes?
from the old and new friendships we attempt to hold on to — to the relationships we establish with significant others.
friends can easily become strangers, nowdays. and lovers can even become enemies.
and
as natural as this cycle of life is, sometimes it gets difficult for me
to accept any of these changes — or for me to even agree that people,
feelings, ideas, and plans can oftentimes be transitory.
a new and now dear friend to me wrote this. and it made me so sad. and for some time, i too was stricken with this feeling of frustrated and grief for the impermanence in all things in this world…and in the ways that everything can be so casual and temporary. but now i see, that though this can be largely true, it doesn’t have to be all that we see – a reality cold and lacking in warmth. for there is warmth to be found if we look around and really take the time to discover the small ways in which people do or did conversely care now or once upon a time…and come to understand that though life is always going to be unfair and can be painful – there is always a chance for hurt and betrayal, but each pain and struggle is rewarded by a lesson and each lesson comes with a bit of warmth. and everything from a friendship to an experience is nothing but a promise of something new, an enrichment in our lives…bitter or sweet or both.
in the last year – i’ve been dealt a change and a life call.
a life call that made me realize i am no longer that timid 23 year old girl of my past but a woman of 26. that things had to change.
after a crazy period of anguish and self disovery i’ve realized that i am now someone who has actually achieved all she has wanted to in 3 years and monumentally more- in some respect, though i’m no where near the peak of where i would have liked to be when i was 15 and wishing tiny tina well but when i put things in perspective and think about all i have managed to accomplish and do…and i see all the ways that this city and the amazing people I have come to know in it, which i was so initially against living in and to knowing (I hated the weather, couldn’t even walk two blocks without yearning for my car, felt a total stranger to everyone around me and longed for the suburban facade of safety and was scared to death the city would eat me alive and that i’d find no roots in such a jungle) has become my home and such an intricate identifying part of my being. i have roots here now – solid roots i planted with my own two hands and with the helping hands of a few caring souls; roots that have been nurtured to grow with love with the help of friends and personal/professional growth. i have friends here, memories, social and professional networks i can’t imagine my life being without. this city inspires within me a sense of adventure and challenge that excites and motivates me to no end daily. every day is some grand gift wrapped up in the messy dressings i usually manage to wrap my gifts in and inside, are delights that unfold in delicious short stories and tremendous emotions, thoughts, feelings and experience – from joy, amusement, pain, love, loneliness, happiness, betrayal, sincerity, forgiveness, struggle, strife, yearning, connecting, micommunicating, exhaustion, exhileration, achievement, failure, backstabbing that has taught me to be a little less trusting but still ever faithful that having a bit of thick skin and a whole lot of heart will get you through, to heartfelt bonding of having gone through unique experiences with people who will undoubtedly be friends for a lifetime still…lessons and experiences upon themselves never ending each bringing greater self discovery and deeper gratitude for every second that i am granted more.
as of late, i’ve been healing, reflecting, amusing, enjoying, relaxing, embracing the changes that are happening around me.
and as a result i’ve been blessed with being able to come to know that friends existing will truly be here for me – no matter how alone i may feel…
that no matter how busy we all are or how distant we may at times be from one another, i do have some incredibly generous and caring people to count on. especially when the going gets tough and i crash and burn and nothing seems right. that no matter the circumstances, people do really have the capacity to care if you cared for them in the past as well or for the sake of caring. for every friend i discover or reconnect with…for every friendship i get to know better and have a chance to deepen…is a lesson, a blessing, a gift ten fold in my life. friendship, i have learned is a more difficult thing to form and build upon as an adult, but if you have a little faith and try to be there for people too, you will find friendship in the most unlikely and delightful situations…and i don’t know what the future holds, but i do want to express my gratitude and appreciation for all of the friends who have strengthened their ties with me or allowed me to be a part of their lives or who are mere acquaintances yet, all of whom care as much as i do about connecting and hopefully becoming people we can all lean on and be here for someday. thank you to all of you who have put aside energy and time to hold my hand during a period when i felt so lost again. i am beginning the new chapters of my life now, i have found a bit of solid ground again…i’ve made it through the thick of my time of need.
thank you for being in my life, i could not have made it without your support, concern and love…from APO to friends dating as far back as the scoolyard years to friends new and friends who have been a constant for quite a few tumultuous years, to coworkers who prove to have hearts of gold, to clients and fellow students and xangans and friends beginning, friends lost, even friends found in exes, friends rediscovered and one who has left us to a better place – you have all been friends true in your own way, i truly hope you are all here to stay and that we can all enrich our lives together. and please…should you ever be in need, call or write this person you know…i will try my best to be here for you too and am hoping i can be and will prove to be a friend to you as well, because as temporary as everything can seem to be in this world and lifetime…from friendships to phases and chapters in our life, they’re only temporary in the grand scheme of things. but everything is as what we want them to be, there are always ways to connect, revisit, rediscover, create and build upon the past – to change the future and create a better tomorrow. tiny blessings are everywhere, of friendship, of strength within of hope and tomorrow. yes…i might be an idealistic, optimistic idiot…but there is some beauty in the chaos of such a temporary period in our lives. everything is in flux and yes it’s insane, but there’s so much room to build upon and reinforce! and if you really think about it, there’s so little time to sit here wasting away feeling hurt or angry or sad when we could be embracing, discovering, enjoying and exploring! so much to do and try in so little time! let’s go celebrate all that life has to offer together!! Everyday is a new start and an adventure to be explored…I CAN’T WAIT!
Recent Comments