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| restless, so I ...... googled the phrase, "nothing to do in graduate school" (without quotes).
The third hit was an article published by the Stanford Daily two years ago, titled: "Grad school: Where fun goes to die." Whoops .... =P Here's one of the comments that one of the readers left behind:
"5th yr PhD. No juice left in the brain. No motivation to write, eat,
sleep. Time is passing. Need to GET OUT. Yet can't. STUCK. No money.
Life at a stand still. Need a vacation. But again, no money. Shouldn't
complain. Could be worse."
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... but you know, I've been finding ways to spend my time in graduate school. I mean, like it says in the article: "Luckily, though, on-campus entertainment is plentiful. From BBQs to
BBQs to BBQs, the whirlwind social scene will have you enthralled for
literally an hour or two." ... but, it's sort of true, all the social events have been free food ones. ;) In one or two precious instances I've found people that I can follow up with, that I can get to know better; but most of the time, they're lost in the crowd of hungry grad students out on THE HUNT for more food.
On the whole I just can't shake the feeling that there's less energy here, and that I probably won't ever get it back. All of us have been to undergrad; we've all "been there" and "done that." And most of us here at this grad school are here as part of professional development; maybe I'm the only one who is here because of indecision. ;) But you know, after the recent news, I'm really glad that I didn't decide to work on Wall Street (which I guess with the most likely job prospect for someone with my background).
But since I am here in this academic environment, since there are 4,000 likeminded people -- as it turns out, they're mostly engineers, just like Caltech (HSS is quite small, and I hardly see law/business/med) -- I feel like it really should be worth the effort to get to know other people deeply, to be involved in their lives. But there's that brick wall that comes up to me and says, Look, you're just another grad student, and you're just going to be talking to other grad students who aren't particularly interested in you because you're grown-up and professional and aloof. And really, you're doing just fine on your own, and they're doing just fine on their own, so no need to get hasty and try to make friends with people who are unwilling.
In the real world, I am finding that building up a relationship is like building up a Lego design (a fitting analogy for an engineer, I guess), and that the pieces are the little opportunities that come day by day -- from "how are you" to the "let's go grocery shopping together" to "let's grab lunch sometime." The masterpiece takes time, and the design is ultimately as much the pieces that come my way as my attempts as the designer. And it's all in God's timing ...
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In the meantime, life here is sort of a breath of fresh air. I'm limited to three classes for financial reasons, and I'm limited to taking classes where I already know the material out of qualifying exam/research reasons, so I have the time to explore and grow in other ways, too. =)
Goals for the quarter:
-- understand one to two research groups; find two to three other groups that I'd want to work for
-- finish studying for the qualifying exams
-- run the Dish (4 mile run -- I was a bit overzealous on this one, and I knocked my knees out for about half a week. ow.) and go to the gym to be healthy!
-- play up through the end of "beginner" piano music
-- build cool Legos with people
-- answer: how does God want me to live as a graduate student?
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| left, rightTwo days of classes left.
I haven't been to my Chinese history class in several (three?) weeks; I can't even remember when it meets anymore. Does class start at 1:30 or at 2:00? Really, it shouldn't be so hard to remember, but between class being canceled and Ditch Day happening, it's sort of fallen off the radar. But today's class will be the last class, so I feel like I really ought to attend. And then tomorrow there's a "regular" load of about 4 hours; and after that, I won't have classes at Caltech ever again. Somehow it's sad ...
Meanwhile, my room is still a mess. I told myself I would clean it up last Thursday, but Thursday was busy with alumni stuff and sleeping; Friday was busy with its own thing, too, and by the time the weekend came around there were just too many "last things" to do (and I had decided to go home to get some paperwork as well) and Monday/Tuesday was just a rush from catching up on my backlog -- though ASCIT formal was pretty nice, if just to see some friends and chat (and it was at such a nice venue, too), but part of me still felt like I was already saying goodbye to some of them?
Whew, either way ... after these few hours of classes, there will be one more week of finals, one more dead week, and then graduation. Better start cleaning that room...
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| by the numb3rsStacks: 2
Stackers: 84 (46 LOTR + 38 numb3rs)
Total Budget: $2100
Alumni: 11 (4 LOTR with 2 Avery grad students, 5 numb3rs)
Seniors (ghosts?): 9
Phone calls made/received on Ditch Day: about 55
emails sent (not received) about Ditch Day in the week before it: about 100
Stackers sent to health center: 1
Stackers sent to hospital: 1
(they were both fine)
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| 4/3/2/1Fourth year - third quarter - second week - day one. Maybe it's from being around Jed too much, but it's just something I noticed today. =P
Wondering, what is it that I should be doing for these next eight weeks? There are Big Important Things to do but most of the deadlines are kind of far away ... lots of important people to be with, but many of them are very busy, as per usual.
And as for next year, I'll probably be up at Stanford's Electrical Engineering Department. oh yay. =D
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| Ithaca ... ... such a small town, it has a really cute airport. We decided that it sort of feels like an elementary school, with the parking lot in front ...
It's actually a college town, and I'm sure everyone in this town knows about the school in it, as opposed to Pasadena, hehe. I met a lot of Caltech-graduated professors. The department chair says there is like 5-6 of them among a faculty of about 35, whoa, that's crazy lots.
TRIVIA: did you know that there used to be a NORTH master?
People here were generally kind, especially some of the peers that I met, the prospective graduate students. My roommate was really nice to talk to, I wish I could have seen him more ... and there was this physics teacher who had done Teach for America for two years and was now going to grad school, and she was really nice, too. That's just out of the six or seven people that I really met/talked to. Somehow I was a little scared that I would find lots of intimidating big-shots that would be trying to out-smart each other, but I don't think that's the case. =P
There's so much snow, I haven't seen so much snow in years! The town has a creek that runs through it, and it's really pretty.
But as for what exactly I'm supposed to be doing ... aiyah, I'm so confused. My "vision" at Cornell was to do research in medical imaging (examine CT scans to find lung cancer!) but I'm afraid that things might not work out cleanly, and since I don't have much of a background in EE, I have to rely on passion and excitement rather than feel for what my skills are ...
... but I'm confident that things will turn out fine either way, and for that I am thankful. =) This is, at the very least, a good start.
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