I had a remarkable day today. Nothing stood in the way of my happiness and it felt great. It was what I needed. I'm still feeling it. The holy spirit is an amazing thing. I also decided to retire from being a tweetygirl, I just want to grow up from this and so I have started a new page dedicated to my writings and for God.

http://www.xanga.com/savingmysoul

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:6-7

I woke up this morning feeling like a totally different person. Like a person I always wanted to be but didin't know how to become. It's really strange, but I'm guessing I know why I feel this way. Yesterday we saw The Passion and it made me think about a lot of things. I tried to take the movie lightly, because it was something that truly happened and we cannot change that. Even though Christ suffered a horrible death, he did it for a reason ... for all of us, and should I really feel sad about that? That was what he was put on this earth to do. The thing that bothered me was this. He was a peaceful, kind-hearted man who had many chances to sin. He lived a good life and did all good. He continually walked with God while resisting every temptation that Satan set upon him and yet through all of that he was literally ripped to shreds by sinners. Jesus lived a perfect life, yet he had an awful death. People hated him and condemned him because of who he was and who he claimed to be. But here I am, a sinner. A person who has lived in sin, regret and denied the Lord and I am free. I do not have to go through what Jesus did and although Christ died for me, I still have denied him. Now I don't mean verbally denying him. When someone has asked if I believe in God I surely say yes, but my life and my actions have denied him. After seeing that movie I feel like every decision I have made has left me feeling guilty and bitter on myself. I feel the reason why I have lived with so much hurt and emotional pain is because I have not truly let Christ into my heart and I have not asked him to forgive me the way I need to ask him. I am ashamed. So today I am going to create a new life. I understand that the temptations will be harder and there will be more work to be done within my soul, but I am willing. I am ready. I will do whatever I need to that will help in fighting off evil. I am filled with evil. I have seen a new light. Just seeing what Jesus had to go through on his last hours has really put everything in perspective for me and for everything I am and for every step I take it is for the Lord.

I am so sorry, Lord. I am so sorry for the person I have been and for the sin that lives inside me. I am sorry that you had to die the way you did because of me, because of others like me. I realize that although there are times when things are unbearable, I will never go through the extent of the pain that you have. I am sorry you had to die on the cross, filled with scars and covered in blood, but I also thank you for that, for I know why it was done. I ask that you clense my soul and give me strength. Help me get through this day and through the rest of the days until my life has ended and I am with you in your kingdom. Lord, I ask that you come into my heart for all the days of my life. I am yours ... mold me. I love you, Lord Jesus Christ, my God and Savior. I truly mean it this time. I believe in you and all that you went through and with that I know that I have never been unloved. Amen.

Yesterday was an eventful day, but somehow Rob didn't receive my message on the machine, so he was worried. I'm sorry. I hung out at Michelle's house while she highlighted my head. Indeed it is red alright, too much red for my taste, so it will have to be fixed. Michelle said I'm becoming one of her best friends. The only thing is that she smokes and drinks and that's something I need to stay away from, but she's really a nice person.

Work was defintely something to worry about. A girl ordered a sandwich with ham, bacon, cheddar cheese and swiss cheese on a pretzel roll. She was mad because she had to pay extra for the cheddar cheese. She said to the host and the manager "fuck this place" when she was going up to pay. She said that in the menu where they list the items it says "cheddar and swiss" so she assumed that meant you got them both together. She said we don't know how to write menus because there was no comma in there. Ok, now it's time for a little grammar lesson:

A comma takes the place of the word "and" So if there is already the word "and" in a sentence there is no need for a comma. For example if you have this listed: provolone, muenster, chedder, swiss ... it will not look right and that is not how we do things in the English language. The correct way is provolone, muenster, chedder and swiss. See the "and" on the end makes it look a little nicer. GO BACK TO SCHOOL BITCH!

Ok I'm done. I just thought that was all funny. A person trying to make us look stupid when she's the one without the brains.

I am wide awake early this rainy Saturday morning. Rob has his first bible study class so he will be arriving home a little later, but I hope I can see him before I go into work.

Work, what can I say about work. I like the job, really. It's a very easy job and you can indeed get away with murder, but why I why do I feel this way about it? Yesterday I came home from break and I said a prayer that things would go more smoothly in the evening. And did they? Absolutely not! From my first customer I had messed things up and it kept going from there. My chest was getting tighter and hurt worse then it ever has. I don't know what is wrong with my chest but the pain is getting too much to bear. I feel like I'm having a heart attack or something, not that I know what that feels like or anything, but could it be worse than this? I'm just tired of hearing everyone complain about work, which is making me complain. The job doesn't suck at all but people are making me believe that it does. I'm also fed up with the hours I get. 25 hours if full time, which seems great, but when the shifts are 2 -3 hours long than it makes it unbearable. Especially if I'm working two shifts in one day then it just takes up my whole day. I go into work from 11-2 and then get a break until 5 and work until 7 or 8. It might not seem so bad, but trust me, it is. And whenever I plan to have a positive day everything then goes wrong. So today I'm not going to bother to pray and I'm not going to think happy thoughts. I'll just go with the flow and if anyone wants to use me to complain I'm just going to walk away. I had it.

I am grateful that I'm the kind of person people feel they can come to with problems. I listen, I don't judge or condem, I just sit back and let them vent. But it just gets ridiculous. It's too much for me right now.

Well, with all that said I think I'm going to go start my day with some exercising. Maybe that will help stimulate my day and prepare my mind to face the world.