life update:

Been living at home with the parents for about 2 months now. I hate living here, its boring.

I work on base at the youth center and I am taking two classes in school. Psychology and English.

Other than that, I do nothing.  I have no life, and thats all.

2008 - fresh start.

So its the new year, finally. 2007 SUCKED!
Summary of 2007 for me..

January:
David and My relationship was slowly breaking apart

February:
We broke up, I got stuck with a too expensive apartment. Struggled to make up for bills he didn't pay.

March/April/May:
I turned into a attention craving drunk slut. hooked up, had fun, nearly lost my friends. Had a realization that I was not me, and changed.
Met a boy, we hit it off. I fell in LOVE.

June:
Adam asked me to be his girlfriend.
Lost my job as a secretary because I wanted to see my Grandmother
Struggled with money

July:
Turned 19
Got a new job
Got promoted quick and moved up fast in the company

August:
Quit Me n Eds
Worked some more
Struggled some more

September:
Nothing spectacualr, just working, partying, loving life.

October:
Moved out of my old place and into a new place with Adam, Trevor and Rey.
Continuted working, but still struggling with money.

November:
working,working, having fun, struggling, partying, having more fun, still super in love, emotional trauma, thanksgiving, got through it, whatever.

December:
Got fired.
faught with Adam
vacation to Parents house for Holidays.
Miserable
Looked for jobs.
registered for School.
Made up with Adam.

and then here comes fucking January 2008, Not 5 days into it.

I was under the impression that Adam and I were okay again, apparently not.
he Broke up with me, lied to me, toyed with my feelings and completely fucked my heart away. I was going to start a new job, start school and get back into action again, but because of all this bullshit that happened...I had to move, the day everything was going to start for me. The day my life started over in Camarillo, I had to make a phone call to my mother to come save me from this drama that kept sucking me deeper and deeper into insanity.

So here it is, the 10th Of January.
I'm Broken, torn, hurt, confused, upset, scared, angry, disappointed, sick and tired.
Here we go again, new start, new town, unfamiliarness all over again, exactly what I dreaded. I don't want to be here, but I know its whats best for now.

Lets hope things work out.

Adam and I are in love and happy.

got fired

looking for new job

short on cash

late bills

sleeping alot

no food

need money

that sums up my life right now.

Filled with betrayl and rage

I decided its time to quit.

My emotions are locked in a cage

with the rest of this shit.

I cant get out without letting go.

I dont want anyone to know

how I really feel day by day

and that everything is not ok.

My head is all messed up

and I know I shouldnt dwell

on how long I will be living in this hell.

If only someone would stop

to think about what its like to be in my shoes

and experience what I am going through.

I need somene to be there for me

someont to love me regardless of my flaws

and be truthful and not full of lies

because I dont think I can begin to realize

that it is always going to hurt.

Time goes by too fast. It's already almost the end of April and it seemed just yesterday that it was January. Where does the time go?? In two months I will be 19 already and soon enough I'll be seeing 20, 21, 22 and then fuck I'll be old with kids and a husband!

Abbie and I are fucking amazing. & you wish you could be us.

Life is too short to have any regrets.  Live it and love it.  Don't listen to what people tell you what is in and not in, be yourself, do your own thing, you only have one chance and you might as well enjoy it while you can.  Yes things can go bad, and things can be good, but when things go bad all you can do is move on and learn from your mistakes.