I'm going to the college I always wanted to go to and that's all that matters. (:

Everything happens for a reason.

make decisions and never look back. ♥

you know what memory puts me to tears everytime i think about it?

we were laying down.. and your arms were around me. i rest my head on your chest, try to locate your heart, and when i found it i whispered, "i can hear your heart beating". and you know what you said?

"it's beating for you".

you have no idea how happy i was.. how at peace and safe i felt with you. how everything in the world didn't matter anymore and i had no doubt in my mind that we were meant for each other. until now, i still believe that. but do you? ♥

so apparently i don't know what love is. but i do know this:

i can't go anywhere or hang out with anyone if you're not there. that isn't being clingy or dependent on you, that's being unable to have a fun time because i'm only truly happy when i'm with you. sure, other guys can make me laugh. they could probably make me feel better after we've have an argument. but can they put a hold on me like you can?

i make mistakes. huuge ones. you've made your own too. you honestly don't think that with time things could get better? two years. within that time we've gone through so much.. from being too busy for each other to dealing with other guys/girls, we got through them.. together. there were so many things i haven't done before with any other guy that i've done with you. there's so many memories that can't be erased no matter how hard i try. we were unbelievably happy.. what happened? even for the few moments when we forget about what each other has done to the other, we're happy. can you honestly say that you can experience the same euphoria with anyone else? do all the horrible things i've done really cover up the person you've grown to love so much?

i know you're hurting. a lot. i truly don't wanna do this to you anymore if you can't go on much longer like this. and for all those times i never proved my love to you, i hope my letting you go against my will shows you just how much i care about you. i know you deserve someone better. but selfishly i don't think anyone could be any more perfect for you than me. and as for me, no one can compare to you. i know that on the whole, neither of us are happy together or apart. and i know we get into so many arguments and we say things we don't mean. and it hurts. but sometimes i really think that going through all the fights and dealing with them is so much better than losing each other completely. and i fear that that's what's been happening and what will ultimately become of us. but maybe this is what we need right now. at least, that's what i keep telling myself. as i've stated before, we've made so many mistakes. but if we go through with this, it'll probably be the biggest mistake either of us could make.