uhhuhshakeshake_heartbreak's Xanga

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 17:06:00 GMT

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i felt it was time for a change

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 22:08:45 GMT

i miss last december....
back when i was happy...actually truly happy i havent felt like that in a while
pathetic arent I?

well, not much has been happenin....

SOULFIRE was last nite, Deerfield played..good band...good band

spring break upcoming,

i was sick thursday, i was vomiting, gross....

my aunt was in the hospital, she broke her neck, but she's home now, hurrah!

if you ever need advice on how to sneak 3 guys out of your house, ask me..hehe

i found the cutest japanese food place...its over by ..that place...nvm

ok...thats all...

Jessica

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 00:46:04 GMT

well i guess its that time again
not much has been going on......
life is...blah
i had to mascot today at the wheatland fun night
oh god how i hate little kids...i got shot in the eye with a water gun ..then i went to bens house
woo

well.valentines day was...good its not my favorite holiday..actually i loathe that holiday
but at least i had someone to share it with....he tried to sing to me, but was too shy

emery anberlin etc...concert was last night, we tailgated, it was fun, people huddled around us for warmth because we had a fire..yay...my neck still hurts...it was so cold

well......i dont know...really
read this::
its good

FOR ANNIE

Thank Heaven! the crisis-
   The danger is past,
And the lingering illness
   Is over at last-
And the fever called "Living"
   Is conquered at last.

Sadly, I know
   I am shorn of my strength,
And no muscle I move
   As I lie at full length-
But no matter!-I feel
   I am better at length.

And I rest so composedly,
   Now, in my bed
That any beholder
   Might fancy me dead-
Might start at beholding me,
   Thinking me dead.

The moaning and groaning,
   The sighing and sobbing,
Are quieted now,
   With that horrible throbbing
At heart:- ah, that horrible,
   Horrible throbbing!

The sickness- the nausea-
   The pitiless pain-
Have ceased, with the fever
   That maddened my brain-
With the fever called "Living"
   That burned in my brain.

And oh! of all tortures
   That torture the worst
Has abated- the terrible
   Torture of thirst
For the naphthaline river
   Of Passion accurst:-
I have drunk of a water
   That quenches all thirst:-

Of a water that flows,
   With a lullaby sound,
From a spring but a very few
   Feet under ground-
From a cavern not very far
   Down under ground.

And ah! let it never
   Be foolishly said
That my room it is gloomy
   And narrow my bed;
For man never slept
   In a different bed-
And, to sleep, you must slumber
   In just such a bed.

My tantalized spirit
   Here blandly reposes,
Forgetting, or never
   Regretting its roses-
Its old agitations
   Of myrtles and roses:

For now, while so quietly
   Lying, it fancies
A holier odor
   About it, of pansies-
A rosemary odor,
   Commingled with pansies-
With rue and the beautiful
   Puritan pansies.

And so it lies happily,
   Bathing in many
A dream of the truth
   And the beauty of Annie-
Drowned in a bath
   Of the tresses of Annie.

She tenderly kissed me,
   She fondly caressed,
And then I fell gently
   To sleep on her breast-
Deeply to sleep
   From the heaven of her breast.

When the light was extinguished,
   She covered me warm,
And she prayed to the angels
   To keep me from harm-
To the queen of the angels
   To shield me from harm.

And I lie so composedly,
   Now, in my bed,
(Knowing her love)
   That you fancy me dead-
And I rest so contentedly,
   Now, in my bed,
(With her love at my breast)
   That you fancy me dead-
That you shudder to look at me,
   Thinking me dead.

But my heart it is brighter
   Than all of the many
Stars in the sky,
   For it sparkles with Annie-
It glows with the light
   Of the love of my Annie-
With the thought of the light
   Of the eyes of my Annie.

my god i love Edgar Allan Poe........
well...thats all

later

some pictures to express my emotions currently:

enjoy:

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 19:55:06 GMT

I'm sick of life, just basically, sick of it, i'm a problem to everyone mainly..

my mom found out about my cutting, my drinking smoking she found weed that wasnt mine, jeez i havent even done that stuff in a while...i dont know, she's overreacting about it all, i cant close my door, or go out of the house...i bet i cant even see my boyfriend and i miss him utterly...

speaking of which....mann i cant see him on Valentines Day he has a basketball game, aww...he was going to sing to me aw cute...

gah i lost $2 because the seahawks lost the super bowl..that was saddening...

i dont know just all of this is an emotional OVERLOAD...i mean i was already emotinally unstable to have a relationship, and i was getting, or got over that, but now, all of this, i dont know, i cant handle things as well as others can..

so if you see me, give me a hug, or something, i dont know

im' off for now...

goodbye, hopefully not forever

ben ..woooooo

jessica

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 13:32:07 GMT

meh...im updating...

i'm sick, and at home, ohhh joy...

ehh i havent been up to very much lately..super confused about...crap

i hate school....so very much, wednesday is our german field trip, woo
super cool, and...i dunno

Emery June Bleed the Dream Anberlin concert coming up soon....
i really am not too fond of Hawthorne Heights..so thats why their name isnt up there
i hate emo kids....

meh...been hangin out with ben , rachel parker,steven woo... and people...super fun

ok i'm outtie

JeSsIcA

leave me c o m m e n t s

i hate you Frau Barnes..screw u

karls' rump

happy birthday karl i LUV u teehee

i rawk....haha..my hair is all sticking up

haha woooooooo me n rachel parker in a slide

rachel parker in a swing

and...ok...this is the coolest picture in the WORLD::::::

note that concentration,...he got like....over 3 feet of air that time...

thats awesome i know..aight.lata

dont forget my c o m m e n t s ....biotchhes

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 19:18:01 GMT

woot..

AND

BEN

ARE

GOING

OUT...

whoreay....

he asked me in the warren parking lot haha

later

JESSICA

dancing banana

Monday, January 16, 2006

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 03:42:49 GMT

I stole this from some guys xanga....

Before the electronic frenzy.
Before the Internet & text messaging.
Before Sidekicks & iPods.
Before MIKE JONES
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.
Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

Tag.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Mother May I?

Red Rover.

Four Square.

Hula Hoops.

The Giga/Nano Pets & Furbies.

Playing Street Hockey/ Football / Baseball with the neighborhood friends.

Running through the sprinklers.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Wait.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Double Dare.
Rocko's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members.

Kenan & Kel.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

Not finished yet.

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

Go back to the time when

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom. : )

Nobody was cooler or stronger than Dad. : )

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

well, in view of this whole ' being happier ' thing, my xanga is now super happy-ified....? so be prepared for all the fake-smiles and half-hearted laughs i'll be dishing out...hoorah..

well it was the homecoming, we lost, like usual, then it was the dance...and i didnt get asked to dance by anyone, specifically the guy i wanted to ask me... whatever....

Its Growing

Worse

Day by Day

.... well thats all...

Jessica

my song better make you dance

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 23:16:20 GMT

I want a boy who can wrestle with me, and let me win. Who I can talk to about anything. Who laughs at my jokes even when they aren't funny. A boy who puts my cold hands in his warm hoodie pocket. Who lets me use his sweatshirt for a pillow. Who buys me 25 cent rings, and has sticky hands. Who says I love you & means it. Who will kiss in in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the snow. Who calls me unexpectedly. Who will have many inside jokes with me and remember each one. A boy who notices when I get my hair cut. Who realizes that girls say things but don't always mean them. Who shows up at my games, slipping in the door. Who I can go swimming with on hot days. Who can tell me his problems and let me help. Who will listen to me talk--about the new nail polish I got. Who will bring me seashells from the beach. Who will let me beat him up when I get angry. Who writes love letters to me, but doesn't send them. Who draws pictures and slips them gently into my locker slot. Who saves his genuine, big smiles for me. A boy with deep eyes that can see through faces in depths. Who wears baseball hats and lets me wear his too. Who gives me his t-shirt to change into and not expect to get it back. Who knows my favorite color, song, car, vegetable, perfume and the color of my toothbrush. A boy who will shake my dad's hand and look my mother in the eye. Who will call me by my full name-first, middle and last. A boy who will kiss me and tell me I'm pretty. A boy who will let me cry to him. Who will squeeze my hips just right. Who surprises me and compliments my manicure and plays with my hair. Who knows when I have a math test or when I fail one. A boy who smells like he just stepped out of the shower. Who wears cologne that I can subtly smell when I'm leaning on his shoulder. Who tells me I have a nice laugh and a smile that lights up the room and simply mine to hold.

too bad it's all a fairy tale

i get no c o m m e n t s and it makes me sad..

rachel keeley told me something, and at first i was kinda hurt by it, but now i realize its totally true

i'm not as happy

as i used to be

i realize that is true, i'm not, and i dont really know why, maybe its love? school? family? friends? i think that all the stress is finally affected me, or maybe the fact that people were irritated by my happy atttitude? i'm reminded of what matt said that someone must be pretty important to take away his joy....well...i guess alot of stuff is important to me...

Friday, December 30, 2005

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 19:12:51 GMT

hey whats up...whee i'm finally updating....

well, this week has been crazy hectic monotonous insane sleepless and other words that i dont feel like saying, idk hehe?

well, i just returned from

IN DEPTH

in topeka! W0W! that was fun!.....

some highlights:

sleeping in a bathtub:::my sponsor snored so loudly that after getting NO SLEEP the previous night, i slept in the bathtub yea i'm cool hehe

HEINRICH!!!!!!!:::::::heinrich is our traveling duck we purchased, he ROCKS! (hes a rubber duckie!)

i you heinrich!!!!

i got to get up on stage during one of the drama teams performances hehe that was SUPER!!

i hung out with aaron some,that was spiffy?...

our speaker, doug runkles "runks" was seriously, an amazing guy! he had ADHD, or as he liked to say: ADHLSD, thats attention deficit hyperactive lazy sitting disorder, HAHA (i think i have that)

the worship guys, JASON ELLSWORTH BAND, were great too! and the drama guys, CLEAR VISION DRAMA, were awesome too! at first, all they did was like, well i called it interpretive dance, but later on they did some f u n n y skits!

haha i also got in trouble for dropping my rubber duckie from the fourth floor, oops

the speaker gave me A L O T to think about in my life...

well thats all!!!

IF YOU WANNA SEE PICS FROM INDEPTH, click:

*link not up yet*

TOO SEE PICS OF HEINRICH, click

*link not up yet*

dont forget

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 22:31:44 GMT

MERRY

CHRISTMAS!!!

OK like, everyone does this, so I will give in and do it too woohoo

TEN RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:

10. I've never had a serious boyfriend

9. I like to BiBle quiz, oh yea, i suck at it .

7. I like to sing while in the shower

6. I kept a cup of coffee in my locker for well over a month

5. I'm a virgin, no surprise

4. I shave my arms??? idk

3. I steal window-cleaning squeegies from gas stations

2. I like to wear bat man masks and run around walmart

1. I cant drive, at all, worth crap,

NINE PLACES I HAVE BEEN:

9. Colorado

8. Oklahoma

7.Missouri

6. Arizona

5. UTAH!

4. Arkansas

3. Florida

2. Nebraska

1. W A S H I N G T O N

EIGHT THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

8. Have surgery

7. Play the guitar

6. Travel the WORLD!!

5. Marry

4. HAVE BABIES!!

3. Work in a fast food restaraunt

2. Surf

1. Live

SEVEN KEYS TO MY HEART:

7. long hair

6. music!!

5. hugz awww

4. hand-holding ...awww

3. singing to me aw how cute

2. Dancing with me aww how cuter!!!!!!

1. umm, i dont have keys to my heart, idk what that means, so, idk, i'll put boys and mayb that'll work

SIX THINGS I BELIEVE IN:

6. not having love at first site

5. living life like its your last

4. who cares what people think about you?

3. D A N C E

2. its ok to cry

1. God

FIVE THINGS IM AFRAID OF:

5. love

4. spiders

3. thunder

2. car crashes ahh

1. boys a.k.a cooties

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN MY ROOM:

4. my jones collection

3.music posters, tickets, etcc etcc

2. my bed

1. my tv

THREE THINGS I DO EVERYDAY:

3. shower

2. wish i were dead blhhhhhh

1. blink

TWO THINGS IM TRYING NOT TO DO RIGHT NOW:

2. be with my family

1. be sad

ONE PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW:

1. the queen

that was fun, ok if you dont get the queen...then you're uncool, its a nickname, nerr

well, its christmas eve, oh joy

ths week, finals have S U C K E D major time, blah i failed many of them most likely

nothing has happened this week, thursday i hung out with rachel we stole another squeegie, and we bought batman masks and ran around walmart and scared random people on the street, and almost got beat up by a black lady at the mall haha good times

last night i hung out with ANDREA that was a SUPER FUN time lol,

well, idk, christmas time kinda sucks, but ah wel

peace love n jews

jessica

some pix of ..myself??

silly boys make me worry lol, idk ha?

yes i am

wow i'm so ugly,,,

i ask why??

*(please note the bathroom products)*