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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

New Realizations

I was supposed to try and talk to a stranger today. I had 3 opportunities where it seemed I connected with someone by catching their eye for a minute or bumping in to-but I just couldn't work up the nerve. Just the thought of that agitates me to my soul-Can you believe it! Me, uncongenial and no nerves? But other than that- I had yet another relatively GOOD day.

On the tram ride home I started to toy with an idea in my head- an inspiration you might say. It's been quite awhile since I've been inspired to do something. I'm an artist (or used to be) but every time I get inspired lately, something is always standing in the way (finances, time, supplies, space) of me creating my ideas...and that's what I feel I did best in Life. I felt inspired to make some t-shirts with sayings all my own on them. Every where I've gone in the world, I've taken the country by storm, had a blast and loved it there. The "real" Melody I know is impulsive- so I think it's time I just be that again. I just hope my shirts can send a message about me (since according to my last post every one knows I'm American anyways". Here are a few of my ideas:

A t-shirt that says,
"When will you stop looking at my skin color, weight, and culture and start seeing me for me."

"Kiss me I'm a crazy Southern belle"

"I <3(heart) N.O.L.A" on the front and a picture of a fleur de lis on the back with "New Orleans" above it and "Cajun Girl Fo' Life" or Fo' sho....beneath it. I'm not quite sure what I like best- but I gotta represent!

And then there is my favorite:
(on a white shirt with type writer like letters)
"Now accepting new Friend applications"
"See me for more info"
And on the back an Ad:
"Requirements: Must be nonjudgmental, fun, adventurous, congenial, not self centered, silly, and flexible with your time. Living in Amsterdam, creativity, and a sense of humor a major plus!"

You may be thinking that one is a little out there. A desperate Melody does not take Desperate measures but a crazy Melody does take crazy measures...and that's what I'm shooting for. My boy friend pointed out that I was getting older and couldn't be immature(crazy) any more (that people change when they get older)- but I'm 22! I really feel that I need to enjoy this time while I can and stop acting like I'm 40 already! I just want to feel good about being myself. Nothing wrong with that right?

On a closing note: I don't really believe in horoscopes- I've always thought they were quite ridiculous, but I accidentally opened "My Yahoo" instead of my mail a few minutes ago and was surprised at what I found. It really hit the spot with everything I've been feeling and thinking lately.

"You should follow the trail to frivolity today. Find an idea that is totally 'out there' and see where it leads you. There's no need to stick to your normal routine right now -- you can put things on auto-pilot, and they will go well. Wake up your sense of adventure. Let it be your rudder today, instead of your calendar. It will steer you toward unusual people who have unusual ideas that speak to some piece of your soul. This could be the awakening of a whole new side of yourself."

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Chance meeting with a Stranger and meeting more Strangers for a Chance

I was making the nice commute home from work today across Amsterdam Central Station while talking on the phone. I stood on the median to wait for my tram and noticed a guy who seemed to be trying to get my attention. "ugh- he probably wants to ask Directions" I thought, but I was still talking to my boyfriend so I ignored him and walked a little farther down thinking he'd get the picture and ask someone else. Normally I'm very out going and don't mind giving directions- but sometimes wonder if I have an invisible tattoo on my head that only tourists can read saying "Ask me for Directions!"

Well, 2 seconds off the phone and he's standing beside me. He tells me "hi" and says "you are from the States right". When you live in Europe- it's never generally anything special to be from the US (they sometimes even detest you for it) and I was thinking "duh" but answered "yeah?" making eyebrows that said "crazy guy".

Well, he noticed those right off the bat, because it seems he came over to talk about me and my body language. Yeah- kinda strange I guess. He said he could spot that I was American from 40 feet off. That he wasn't hitting on me and that he just loved Americans in general. He said it was the way I dressed, how my hair was and the way I carried myself with such "confidence" ("dang it!" I thought- I honestly even tried to dress "Dutch/european" today). I thought this was all kind of funny because living in Europe- I don't feel very confident and more so out of my element than ever. I actually got refused from my last job interview because I was "over confident". I was told several times in my life that my confidence was "intimidating" by friends and teachers- and all the while, I'm trying to figure out what the hell is I am so confident about, and why don't I see it in myself.

The guy was very nice, but I'm not quite sure what his whole point of the conversation was. I could tell he was an outgoing person and not hitting on me. He kind of rambled on things about humanity and cameras and Big brother- and he possibly was building up to the point of why he came over to talk... but then my tram came.

All I do know is that he was a Turkish guy living in Australia who deals in oriental rugs visiting a friend in Amsterdam.

I have his business card- but I'm not sure why. I'm tempted to email him to see what the whole point was, but I don't think thats very appropriate and my boyfriend might find it strange.

I'm quite sad though because there is a certain stigmata here against Turkish and Moroccan people (I guess the same way against "Hinndi's" and "Paki's" in the UK). They act like they are the Ca-ca roaches of the country and look down upon them. Being me and "Miss International Let's save the World" I really hate this stereo typing. I have to hit my Dutch boyfriend when he says things about it. Most of my friends here are International but not Dutch, Moroccan or Turkish because they are such closed cultures- plus the obvious language barriers.

I used to be such an out going girl- my friends and family can attest. When I was 4yrs. old I'd make 10 friends at the supermarket, and would go up to just about anyone and start chattering away. My family were very concerned that I was going to get kidnapped this way. And as I got older it just stuck- it made me a good judge of Character and believe that there is some good in everyone and that most people don't mind an extra friend or some one who will listen and chat. My family didn't think so (they believed I trusted everyone I met) and thought I'd get hurt. I realize that I generally categorize everyone I meet into two categories: "a safe person" and an "unsafe". Just because you are unsafe doesn't mean I don't like you- I honestly just don't trust you. One of my best friends in the US is marked as an "unsafe"- she's screwed me over quite a few times but I was aware of her nature and still loved her none the less, because that's just who she is- and despite the fact, she is a good person. I've done a bit of traveling around the world and have always made oodles of friends. Real "Friends" not "acquaintances"- people you just seem to easily connect with and have fun around. People who you feel you can act your self and not get judged or looked at strange.

Until now.

I moved to Amsterdam the Netherlands. I knew something was wrong the second week I was here and saw that it was practically impossible to find here what I've found every where else. It's the main reason I feel I just don't belong and probably never will. There is just something about the Dutch culture- and mind you there are some cool people, but scarce to find and are scarce for good ole' crazy fun.

But this chance meeting with a stranger reminded me of what I used to do, how I used to be. Perhaps not all is hopeless on this friend forsaken European continent. Generally when you try and meet new people who are Dutch you get a strange look and a slap like attitude in your face- which is why I quite trying. But I think it's time that I try and be "me" again. I'm tired of this old hag I've accustomed myself into acting like. I'm tired of not having any real friends. Perhaps they just don't exist here- but I think I really need to try my best and search it out fully before I just quit and settle for less than best- or nothing at all.

I've been here 2 years now and only have made 4 friends.
Silvia
Andrew
Ricky
Roary
Only 2 of them are "real friends".

On the way home I knocked on a strangers door. It was a young couple from the UK that I had briefly met once before when I was trying to relocate and save my cat who had climbed a 4 story tree and had gotten stuck. I then did what I (used to) do best. I just reminded them of who I was and stated that I was sorry to be a bother, but that I was always looking to meet new people and make friends - that I wanted to thank them for helping save my cat and said maybe we could grab a drink some time. We all shared our names and jobs that we were here for and exchanged info. They seemed pretty cool and down to earth. So it's nothing official yet, but it's an opportunity. I just need to keep up at it and I'll update my "friends list" again in another month to see what I can muddle up.

Wish me luck, and if you have any cool friends in Amsterdam- hook me up!

**DARE: A dare for you. I dare you to go and talk to a complete stranger. You might learn something interesting you might make a good friend- you could even save a life. You never know until you try.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

How do you resolve disputes with your significant other?

I just watched P.S. I love you last night with my sweety(P.S. I bawled my eyes out- you can't possibly find a more chick flick than this). We had to laugh how much the couple fighting in the beginning remarkable resembled us. He's the loud tempered type and I'm the Ms. logical talks way to fast and out of everything she possibly can type. But we're crazy about each other- and making up for fights is so fun that I think we instigate disputes just for fun. Having disputes and disagreements about things is normal and healthy in a relationship. You just have to find a good middle ground.
But when things do get rough calmy talking while leaving your emotions on the back door step helps. And if that's not possible- I like to stick things in a letter so that I won't be interrupted and I think I'd be a little confused if my boyfriend started arguing with a piece of paper.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
What's the best '80s band of all time - or, at least, of that decade?

"Babies of the 80's" -Something Corporate
I'm such an 80's girl. The ever growing 80's DVD collection should be a dead give away. But I have to say the best 80's band would have to be a pull tie between the Cure and Tears for Fears. They are still both in my top favorite bands.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
The not so average Freudian Dream

Last night I dreamt the world was a grain of salt and God was about to accidentally eat us on his Tuna fish Sandwich.

I have lots of freudian dreams that generally coming out meaning something. This one wasn't one of those. It was just plain weird. I dream just about every night- and I generally remember my dreams when I wake up. I have different types of dream (difference as in the way the feel or their tone) and that's generally a give away if it's an important pay attention dream or one of those "let's just play around in here to see what happens like my brain is a PS3" kind of dreams.
Some people don't believe dreams are important- I believe they're a view into the inner psyche. I have to believe that because I've had too many dreams that meant something important and had loads of symbolism in them (no wonder why I love F. Scotts Fitsgerald books). I'm one of those weird people that has dreams about other people and then tell them and they go "whoa" because it's totally relevant to something they're going through with at the time. I also suffer from Deja vu- where I dream of a place and then a month, a week, or a year later I see the place or person I saw. I quite enjoy that Deja vu because it gives me a sense that I am where I am supposed to be at that moment.
Any one else in the same boat?