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| The new xanga scares me it's all new and weird and confusing and trendy, it's not cool xanga stop it k? Anyway haven't written for a while thought I'd write something since I'm bored and I have an essay to write up and that's like making my brain hurt because I'm trying to think up smart things to write. But hmm yeah...it's my 21st birthday next week, I'm gonna be legal in all countries weee how useful! I started this xanga when I was 16 or something I think how cool lol and I was so into xanga because everything I write is so completely interesting and compelling yeah...so I don't really know what I want for my birthday I think I'll buy myself Bewitched season six because that's totally cool and awesome I'm so hip. I think it's time for another paragraph....yes...
Look a new paragraph! How neat! So what else is going on hmmm...oh yeah I have exams next week, statistics and general psychology exam which I will fail because I really suck at maths and psychology, basically I skipped a few of the lectures because they're so boring and it takes me an hour to get to uni on public transport and lets face it, my arse hurts from all the sitting k? But yes, I'm going to most likely drop psychology next semester and pick up extra history and politics because I have no personality and I'm into boring stuff like that lolz. I dunno I like my politics teacher he explains stuff well and doesn't mark hard  ! Um yeah my mum isn't happy that I'm dropping psychology because the books cost a lot and I do feel bad about it, but why should I waste my time and failing on a subject that is filled with maths and general shit? New paragraph time!
Also I need to buy a water filter thing to put on the kitchen tap because there's so much bad shit in water and its put me off it lol Chocolate milk isn't a really good substitute for water, no matter how much I wish it was lol I'm so funny I make myself laugh....not...well sometimes...when I'm all alone in my room, no not really I'm not that creepy, or maybe I am.....nahhhhh. Oh last week I got my haircut and it sucks and I hate it, my fringe is too short and I look emo/asian so um lol I'm gonna pin it back until it grows a bit longer, I'm too self conscious when it's down and it's really annoying and makes me feel like shit. My internet is being really slow at the moment I hope it doesn't delete all this I think I'll cry because this is the most important thing everrrrrr pfft anyway not much else to write oh time for another paragraph to look neat keke ^_^
Ok so you are all welcome to send me presents and money and more money for my birthday I do love chocolate *hint hint* no one reads this so lol yeah I can say this and know I wont get shit BUT maybe some nice person from like...the US will be like oh I pity this child lets send her moneys and chocolates and video games and a new pc with a brand new video card and and and yeah I wish lol so yeah lol I just want a big chocolate mud cake rly that'd be nice and I'll be like omg thanks you guys are the best but no one will do it so I'll pretend it happened and I'll be in my room and have a party with myself and Baxter the Myer Christmas bear and he will be like Ved you are so cool i love you and I'll be like no that's beastiality and it'll go all weird.....like now...erm...*cough* OH I have an exam on my birthday too which sucks I hope the teachers pity me and give me like a high distinction and I'll be like yay ^_^ but they wont they'll fail me 
I better go it went weird lol Hit me back guuuys oh and the pics from my failed haircut are on my facebook and myspace CUZ IM COOL! Dont worry I'm not this retarded in real life, I'm more retarded  lol have fun guys and send me presents! NOW! kidding kidding.......no rly.......lol
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| wow last time i wrote in this was may...i just read it and thought wow that's so emo, I'm usually the one making fun of emos >.> I guess I'm not really like this on the surface or in front of other people, quite frankly it will get annoying and push people away, so why do it...
It's almost the end of another year and when I look back what have I achieved? Besides getting my first bit of phat tier 6 lewts nothing much aye? That's right, all the achievements I've made have been in game, they're just pixels in a computer game, that's what I've achieved. Kinda sad isn't it? Although I do believe next year will be a lot better, I got into university, bachelor of arts degree. I'm sort of excited and scared at the same time, I really want to stick this one out and finish it, feels like this is my last chance to really do something with my life. I also got my learners permit last week which is kind of cool, even though I think I'll need to beg for someone to teach me, don't think my dad has the nerves to do it hehe.
I have had a few wake up calls in the past few months, really had a good look at myself where i stand emotionally. I realise I have some flaws like anyone else, but I also realised I can fix them and what's at stake if I dont fix them. It will take a while to change, but I think it'll be worth it in the end, it's all part of growing up, realising I'm not a teenager anymore and I need to step up. It's all up to me. Most of the pain that I have felt was inflicted by me, all the insecurities were amplified by me, and it can be costly. In the end, if you keep thinking and stressing over your fears...you will create them, manifest them into reality, you yourself will make them happen.
I wish I could feel happy more often, I experience bouts of happiness, usually when I'm with Andy or talking with him, but I wish that feeling would stay with me constantly, it's like I'm apathetic most of the time kinda like meh. It's weird, I can feel extremely happy one moment and the next I'm so depressed I feel like dying, hmm think there's a name for that >.> That's kind of what sparked me to write this, I dunno I feel extremely down, could be because I hate this time of year, families should be together for Christmas and mine hasn't been for the past few years.
Anyway it's almost 3am I best be off.
Merry Christmas.
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| I haven't got much to write but yeah hmm I'll think of something my mind is like filled with shit and people like reading shit. Basically my life is going no where at the moment and I dont really give a fuck, I'm a waste of fucking space, I dont know what I want to do and I cant stand my mum telling me how shit I am and coming to her own conclusions about me which are fucking wrong.
I guess I'm looking for a job, I figure it would be a waste of money to get into a course which I will probably drop out of sooner or later. I do want to study and all dont get me wrong but I got no idea what and I have a shitty enter score anyway so my options are pretty limited. Bah enough about that.
So I've come to the realization that I'm pretty much a hermit, I've done an awesome job of isolating myself I cant remember the last time I went to Frankston or properly hung out with friends. It's pretty sad but yeah, I dont like people because they will hurt me and I dont need that, even though I've gotten myself into a situation that is hurting sometimes just as much. I know it's probably stupid to think I'll never get hurt again, I know I probably will and it will most likely kill me - I hate life that's the bottom line, I hate everything to do with it, the people, the pain - everything.
Most days I wish that dad was ok and I was the one sick, with my life hanging on the line, he loves life so much and here I am wasting it away, I dont deserve this life, I dont deserve to live. I dont even know what keeps me going anymore...hope I guess, hope that everything will be ok, hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel - I just dont see it yet. It's like that short course thing I did at the end of it they were saying some people are beyond saving, they've sunken so low that they cannot be pulled out - I'm getting to that stage, I'm probably already there.
For the past week or so I've been thinking of Zagreb in winter and how cosey it was - looking out the window as its snowing outside and it's all warm on the inside and I'm snuggled in my blanket. We always went out to the square and they had everything done up for Christmas and had outdoor heaters and kiosks and stuff, it was so cool, kinda miss it sometimes. Just a random feeling I guess.
This is the first time I've kinda vented in a while dont care whether its read or not, its shit and boring anyway. Oh and dont get me wrong it's not all black I have a bf and stuff he keeps me going and yeah...at the moment with my dad and stuff things have been pretty tough. So yeah I'm off, wow is down now for maintanence but I got my epic flying mount so I'm happy!
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| 60 and beyond...Haven't written in a while, too preoccupied with, yeah you guessed it, WoW! Well I reached 60 a while ago and now I'm leveling to 70 because I bought the expansion Burning Crusade which is uber hot and sexy. Right now I'm 64 leveling to 65 man it feels so weird, all my armor and weapons were replaced in the first week! By greens and blues! God, worked so hard to get my Lightforge set, all I got left from it are my shoulders haha which shall be replaced sooooon flying mounts cost a shitload, heard it was around 10000g anywayz oh, parents are back from Croatia hehehe that is all!
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| Yay! I have reached the 40's which means I got myself a sex0r mount ohhh yeah hehehe and it was also free because I'm a pally. Yeah I have no life, who cares lol, makes Ved happy! Had a sleep over with Sarah, well others were supposed to come but didnt sleep over so we had krispy kreme mmmm and watched the world of warcraft south park episode lol I'm having a love affair on WoW hahahaha | | |
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