| | I haven't got much to write but yeah hmm I'll think of something my mind is like filled with shit and people like reading shit. Basically my life is going no where at the moment and I dont really give a fuck, I'm a waste of fucking space, I dont know what I want to do and I cant stand my mum telling me how shit I am and coming to her own conclusions about me which are fucking wrong.
I guess I'm looking for a job, I figure it would be a waste of money to get into a course which I will probably drop out of sooner or later. I do want to study and all dont get me wrong but I got no idea what and I have a shitty enter score anyway so my options are pretty limited. Bah enough about that.
So I've come to the realization that I'm pretty much a hermit, I've done an awesome job of isolating myself I cant remember the last time I went to Frankston or properly hung out with friends. It's pretty sad but yeah, I dont like people because they will hurt me and I dont need that, even though I've gotten myself into a situation that is hurting sometimes just as much. I know it's probably stupid to think I'll never get hurt again, I know I probably will and it will most likely kill me - I hate life that's the bottom line, I hate everything to do with it, the people, the pain - everything.
Most days I wish that dad was ok and I was the one sick, with my life hanging on the line, he loves life so much and here I am wasting it away, I dont deserve this life, I dont deserve to live. I dont even know what keeps me going anymore...hope I guess, hope that everything will be ok, hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel - I just dont see it yet. It's like that short course thing I did at the end of it they were saying some people are beyond saving, they've sunken so low that they cannot be pulled out - I'm getting to that stage, I'm probably already there.
For the past week or so I've been thinking of Zagreb in winter and how cosey it was - looking out the window as its snowing outside and it's all warm on the inside and I'm snuggled in my blanket. We always went out to the square and they had everything done up for Christmas and had outdoor heaters and kiosks and stuff, it was so cool, kinda miss it sometimes. Just a random feeling I guess.
This is the first time I've kinda vented in a while dont care whether its read or not, its shit and boring anyway. Oh and dont get me wrong it's not all black I have a bf and stuff he keeps me going and yeah...at the moment with my dad and stuff things have been pretty tough. So yeah I'm off, wow is down now for maintanence but I got my epic flying mount so I'm happy!
|
| | Posted 5/22/2007 9:36 PM - 1 view - 4 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
