| | --So i read an away message of this a few mintues ago and it kinda sent me into a little tangent.... but its ok becasue i havent gone off in one like this in a while... and so... yeah...
*You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day. One day it's just gone and you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all a family really is..a group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
**...just thought i'd throw out there to you that that feeling hits when your dad sells the place you call home. the place you've spent the last 17 years of your lifeknowing as your 'home' is no longer even part of your family's estate. its gone, someone else is about to take over and make it into their home...you'll never have the place that keeps you safe, or the same walls that have helped you though some of the toughest times threw tears, cheers, new beginnings, bitter endings.. they were there though it all and now their gone, there someone elses now.... believe me, this feeling is worse then moving out of your parents roof.....and add onto that not being welcome in the house your 9 year old sister lives in, not being able to see her becuase you cant stand your mother...not being accepted by your mother enough to be let into her home anymore. have your mother make plans for a baby shower for your older sister who is pregnant with your triplet nephews and not being able to have it because she plans it for a weekend she knows you wont be able to get there... have your mother hate you enough to tell your father that your his daughter, not one bit hers. have your mother blame you for all her shit inthe past and not want even attempt to accept you for who you are or where you have come in the past few years of your life...This is the challenges of life, these are the obsticales that life throws at you.... you learn to make the best of it, you hide the bitterness and take on the next day.. knowing that you are the 'outcast' of your family... but this is when you wake up and realize... YOU LIKE BEING AN OUTCAST.. it makes you who you are... and if your happy that way, so be it.....THIS is what makes us stronger in life, this is the way we get by... who knows maybe someday things will be different.. if its not inmy lifetime, maybe it will be for my future children, and if not my ch ildren... at least someones children that i know, or that i care about....
-Alright, so i feel better...my tangent is complete.. have a good night... thanks for reading! |
