| Last night, my mom was like roll up your sleeves, I want to see if you cut so im like no and ran upstairs. She is now suspicous . If you guys have any tips at all I would greaty appreciate it. I am 93 today wich means I lost. Im just so out of it. Im so tired still. Ryan is being awkward. I just want to give up . I dont have the energy to carry on. Simple tasks drain every ounce of strength I have left. I dont know what do anymore. |
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| Well, I really dont know what I was thinking last night. Im much better today. Im just soo tired. I gained .5lbs so now im 94. The fast just didnt happen. Its like 90 degrees and im sitting here freezing . I dont want school to start. School is just an awful place your forced to go to. My classes are okay its just the order that sucks. I have the house to myself for a little while so that nice. Its so frusturating and stressful having my grandmother and mom bitch at me every waking second. I dont have any energy at all. Oh and I can see everyone who comes to my site now so please take 30 seconds and leave a comment. You will get one back. Stay Strong Everyone |
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| I dont think I can handle this anymore. Im gonna breakdown any minuete. Eating wise im doing really good . Yesturday before the block party I went to starbucks. At the block party I had 1 small piece of crab meat and 1 small roll. I met a guy at the block party. Hes 17 and going into 11th grade. He was so thin it wasnt even funny. 6'1 and 110 lbs. He was talking to me the whole night and we had alot in common. He was mia for a while then recoved and went ana. Im not sure if he still is or not but I didnt see him eat anything. He was just so easy to talk to. He understood what im going though. I was 93.5 today. If I keep day fasting I should be able to be in the 80s soon. I am gonna try will do a 24 hr fast tonite - tommorow. Im just so depressed. I dont want to eat cause I will get fat and ryan will dislike me more. No one wants a fat chick. I talked to him today. I was like we used to be able to talk and now its just awkward and he was just like I know. He blamed it on being tired and hot cause his air conditionor broke. Still it will kill you to pick up the phone , no I dont think so . I dont remember if I said this or not but he was thinking about leaving me when school started he wasnt sure. I just keep playing our song over and over trying to remember when we first met. I hate how things change, people change . I want to cut so much but I cant casue its getting hard to hide. I will just go be depressed somewhere cause I know things wont ever be the same and I cant accept that. I hate how fucked up my life is.
edit// well i finally lost it. broke down hystraical crying for almost and hr and a half. about stupid things. mostly about my uncle. its been over a year so i have no idea why i picked tonite. i was fine and then it just happened. ugh everything in my life is so fucked up right now. between my mother and my father who im still mad at. my gma is sick. i just cant be strong enough for everyone. Now im gonna take many moltrin and pass out. hope everyones life is better than mine cause no one should have to deal with this shit. oh and thank u so much stephen for being there for me and listening to me tonite it means so much to me. |
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| I take sleeping pills, and they dont work . Didnt sleep till when the sun almost came up. Then my cell rang. All im gonna say is, atleast im 94 now. only 9lbs to go! I have only been eating dinner and then exercising at night and its working.Takeing the diet pills might be helping also. I take 2 mega t a day. Saturday, I might go help my friend paint her new house and then go to a block party. Theres gonna be like alot of people so hopefully they wont notice if I eat or not. Then maybe she can take me home so I dont have to be tourtured at my fathers. Me and ryan, I dont know whats gonna happen. Eh, I dont really care either, I just need to concentrate on losing. Oh, I forget to tell u about my fast. I made it 24 hrs on wendesday and like 21 last night. 85 is not that far away! |
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