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unforgivable_sinner
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Name: Cat
Birthday: 6/21/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: sydney,connecticut,my big lots :P(pathetic yes),swimming,my friends,sex and the city,counting crows,driving in my car with music blasting,spending money,reading...mostly sleeping.
Expertise: battle of self: "I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside." -girl interrupted-
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/26/2003
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| things i missi miss my blonde hair i miss my long hair i miss my long blonde hair. i miss posting on xanga everyday. i miss the security of high school. i miss ashland (sometimes). i miss big lots. i miss my girls from high school. i miss talking to him everyday. i miss my car. i miss that sugar cookie lip balm from bath&body works i miss listening to delilah every night i miss being allowed to light candles. ...............................................................i miss the past. too much i think..................................................... | | |
| happiness is a journey, not a destination.... what a journey it has been. is it finally here? have i arrived at the end of this journey? no. but, i am that much closer. two years has come and gone. what a journey it has been. this weekend is a celebration. the 21st-happy second birthday to me =) "wanna wake up and know where i'm going. wanna wake up and say i'm ready...i'm ready to let the rivers wash over me. if its love flowing freely, i'm ready i'm ready if the waters can redeem me, i'm ready i'm ready...i'm ready to let the rivers wash over me." | | |
| this is what we are supposed to do when we become adults, right? take care of our parents... but what if i still feel like i need to be taken care of? who is responsible for me? | | |
| when we are told of someone's death, our first reaction is normally shock and denial. we cannot fathom the thought of that person no longer existing, no longer around to hug and to laugh with and to love. grief for that person is a long process. it may last for many years, and sometimes feels as if there can never be closure. but, what if you know that someone is going to die? what if you have that feeling that their death is right around the corner? how are you supposed to react to that? how do you prepare yourself for it. is there a way? my preference would be to stay in my bed all day long and ignore the situation. or drink alcohol until it has been forced out of my head and replaced with swirling images and laughter at drunken stupidity. instead, i choose to sit here and soak it in. lying in the bath tub, the water scolding hott, i succumb to my grief. the mourning process begun with tears mixing in the bath water. his physical self is still here on this earth, but his spirit has been murdered.. R.I.P dear soul. my life is forever changed because of you... | | |
| "loneliness brings me to the edge of what i know. my soul is dark like the inner world of the cave- bone black. i have been drowning in that blackness. like quicksand it sucks me in and keeps me there in the space of all my pain. i never say out loud that i could die in this place of loneliness..." -bell hooks- | | |
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