ain't life a beautiful mess?

"I'm not in love, though i do think i have tried. it costs too much. i don't have the money or the time. it's caused me to fall apart once or twice. it's worse, kinda like a beautiful mess. in a perfect world, we never came, oh, we never left.. When i grow up, i hope to get the hang of this. i bleed from 6 strings.  i let the truth fall from my lips. do you remember what we were? do you find out what a kiss is for right before you die? just like you have fallen, i will be there when you rise. in all kinds of weather, i will be there when you rise.  & oh, it's the most peculiar feelin. you don't know what's comin after we die. i will be there when you rise..." - Will Dailey

so i'm in morgantown. i just got done travelin the country. i saw 27 states in 4 months. it was insane. completely changed my life forever. ever since i got hpv, my life has been totally different. i decided to leave, travel, drop out of college, explore my inner self.. to name a few major changes, i got Saved, accepted a new Spirituality, was introduced to the ancestors, i got pregnant, had a miscarriage. ended up homeless in a couple of states. saw how little my family is there for me. realized how few friends i truly have. and how amazing the ones that i do have really are.

 i love life. i am thankful for all of this.

 today seems like a lot of bullshit. some stupid shit goin on at the house i'm stayin at. i guess i'm gettin kicked out. i don't think i've done anything. i know sid was being a pain in the ass for everyone, but i got him taken care of.

 sid's my dog.. i've wanted a dog for so long. and i finally got one. a pitbull. he's gorgeous. it's amazing. he truly has given me a reason to live, a reason to keep going.

 i found out tecumseh is my 5th great uncle.. 7th generation shawnee. ofcourse i look more caucasian, but that side of my heritage seems to explain more about me.

 right now i just want to live in the woods alone or on a commune just living. working only to feed myself, gardening. learning how to make clothes, build shelter, learning how to be a warrior. this all i want from life.

 i love music. i've been findin a lot of new shit.. morgantown is a lot of fun. there's always something to do. i hate society, though. i want to find my dark horse. start a family & run away to the wilderness. i am planning a trip to mexico soon. i think i'm going to end up living there forever. i'm not really sure. a lot of people advise me against it. i think they're all crazy. they all think i'm crazy, so it works out, really.

<3

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me around
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
head in the sky
feet on the ground
It's alright I know nothing's wrong ... n o t h i n g

oh, I got plenty of time
oh, you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
.Never for money.
.Always for love.
Cover up & say goodnight

H o m e  is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll hide

sing into my mouth
Out of all these kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me in the head

did you know that arcade fire likes the talking heads? .. this song is incredible..

well maybe love isnt so great

college still is. & i love puppies. especially ones named Bones

he's amazing <3

working. school. sleeping. eating. gym.

where did my friends go? do they fit into that schedule.

i want to go to california.

 all i wanna know is..

 WHO'S COMIN WITH ME

did you know that against me! is one of the best bands ever?

 and did you know that college is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone?
             that.. & puppies.

 & i guess love is pretty okay, too

everything that ever happened to me
 those events, they were obstacles
& even now i am being tested constantly
 strength, patience, discipline
  & it was all done without the help of the military

thanks for that.
 

so it's been a minute since i've updated

i know, i know.

 so i am no longer who i was and now that will scare you all more than i ever did before

and yeah

 be happy bitches

 cause i am.