upstatevisions's Xanga

Innocence

Thu, 22 May 2008 07:24:10 GMT

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked, 'Boy what is your problem?' Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!'

Mrs Neelam (aged 97) had enough.She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions
were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy: '9'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy: '36'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Mrs Neelam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the third-grade.'

Mrs Neelam says to the principal,'I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?' The principal and Boy both agree.

Mrs Neelam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Mrs Neelam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy: 'Pockets'

Mrs Neelam: 'What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,oval, delicious and contains a whitish liquid?'
Boy: Coconut

Mrs Neelam: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Mrs Neelam: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Mrs Neelam: 'Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?'
Boy.: 'Yep'

Mrs Neelam: 'You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.'
Boy: 'Tent'

Mrs Neelam: 'A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.'

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Vodka peg.
Boy: ' Wedding Ring'

Mrs Neelam: 'I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.'
Boy: 'Nose'

Mrs Neelam: 'I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.'
Boy.: 'Arrow'

Mrs Neelam: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?'
Boy.: 'Firetruck'

Mrs Neelam: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand'
Boy.: 'Fork'

Mrs Neelam: 'What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?'
Boy.: 'Surname'

Mrs Neelam: 'What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, & is responsible for making love?'
Boy.: 'HEART'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to National University. I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Leaps / Steps?

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:16:26 GMT

Question:
Do u believe in taking steps or taking leaps when it comes to moving on with life / seeking new adventures / in terms of life in general..

KAMASUTRA?

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:00:37 GMT

I asked the randomest thing to my mum right now about Kamasutra since she will teach Reproduction in her science class next week to the 13 yr olds. So i said kamasutra anyone as a joke?
And this is how the conversation went..

- (*) Maria Elena says:
kamasutra anyone? lol

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
what is kamasutra

- (*) Maria Elena says:
omg mama!

- (*) Maria Elena says:
haha

- (*) Maria Elena says:
kamasutra is this book

- (*) Maria Elena says:
with sex positions

- (*) Maria Elena says:
im sure they knw abt that, ur students

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
oh ok me not good at that :$

- (*) Maria Elena says:
hahahahhaa

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
OMG how come u know

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
perhaps i need to buy one

- (*) Maria Elena says:
haha why???

- (*) Maria Elena says:
why shud u buy one

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
what is it call kamasutera

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
just so I know

-----seconds later..

(#)You are the sun shine of everyday , the reason for me to be (L) says:
nahhhhhhhhhhh too late for me hahahhahaa

- (*) Maria Elena says:
hahahha

-------------------------------------------------------------
LMAO!

NO MORE CHICKEN?

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:33:38 GMT

Omg my mother just made my day!
I haven't had the chance to speak to her in ages, so we did earlier this morning
And haha she tells me the silliest and funniest stories ever!

I neeed to share one of her stories so bare with me!

Mama says:
u know a naughty girl said to me hey no more chicken

Mama says:
then I go u mean the chicken dance and she goes

Mama says:
no your arms no more fat no more loose fat you have no more chicken

Mama says:
HAHAHAHAH i was so amaze she would say something like that

-------------------------------------------------------------
NO MORE CHICKEN! hahahahahha that girl was what 5/6 yrs old?
My mums a kindergarten gymnastics coach, so yeah when she talks about the things the kids say,
geez, its hilarious!

LOL, OK back to reality haha.

Advice for Singles

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:23:43 GMT

My mum wrote this in her blog. It also made me think, yes it's abit "jiwang" or how u say it in english "lame and pathetic or very cliche" but its the truth tho..

Before Marriage

HE : Yes! I've been waiting for this moment :)

SHE : Do you want to leave me ?

HE : No! Don't even think about it. :(

SHE : Do you love me ?

HE : Of course over and over :P

SHE : Have you ever cheated on me ?

HE : No, Why are you even asking that ? :(

SHE : Will you kiss me ?

HE : Every chance I get .

SHE : Will you hit me ?

HE : Are you crazy ? I am not that kind of person.

SHE : Can I trust you ?

HE : Yes :P

SHE : Oh Darling!!!

After marriage just read backwards

It was Funny but It is the reality , the truth ,at least in many cases

So replied that he needed to find the right person to avoid these things and so I got some advice for the single people out there;

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheeerfully.

TWO . Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR . When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX . Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE . Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt bu t it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. . In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN . Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN . Remember that great love and great achiev ements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN . When you lose, don't lose the lesson !

SEVENTEEN Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship..

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

So good luck searching for your second half ....

Affairs LOL

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:30:19 GMT

 The 1st Affair
 
>  A married man was having an affair
>  with his secretary.
>  One day they went to her place
>  and made love all afternoon.
>  Exhausted, they fell asleep
>  and woke up at 8 PM.
>  The man hurriedly dressed
>  and told his lover to take his shoes
>  outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>  He put on his shoes and drove home.
>  'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
>  'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
>  'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
>  We had sex all afternoon.'
     She looked down at his shoes and said:
   'You lying bastard!
   You've been playing golf!'
 
 
 The 2nd Affair
 
>  A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
>  but always talked about having a son.
>  They decided to try one last time
>  for the son they always wanted.
>  The wife got pregnant
>  and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>  The joyful father rushed to the nursery
>  to see his new son.
    He was horrified at the ugliest child
    he had ever seen.
    He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
>  be the father of this baby.
>  Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>  Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
>  The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
>  'Not this time!'

 

  The 3rd Affair
>
>  A mortician was working late one night.
>  He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
>  about to be cremated,
>  and made a startling discovery.
   Schwartz had the largest private part
   he had ever seen!
  'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
   commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
   with such an impressive private part.
  It must be saved for posterity.'
> So, he removed it,
> stuffed it into his briefcase,
> and took it home
> 'I have something to show
> you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
> opening his briefcase.
  'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
  'Schwartz is dead!'
 
  
  The 4th Affair
 
>  A woman was in bed with her lover
>  when she heard her husband
>  opening the front door.
>  'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
>  She rubbed baby oil all over him,
>  then dusted him with talcum powder.
    'Don't move until I tell you,'
     she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
>  'What's this?' the husband inquired
>   as he entered the room.
>  'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
>  'the Smiths bought one and I liked it
>  so I got one for us, too.'
>  No more was said,
>  not even when they went to bed.
>  Around 2 AM the husband got up,
>  went to the kitchen and returned
>  with a sandwich and a beer.
>  'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
>  I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
>  and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
 
 
 
  The 5th Affair
 
>  A man walked into a cafe,
>  went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>  'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
    'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
>  He glanced at the menu and asked:
    'How much for a nice juicy steak
>  and a bottle of wine?'
>  'A nickel,' the barman replied.
>  'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
>  'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
>  The bartender replied:
>  'Upstairs, with my wife.'
>  The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
>  with your wife?'
>  The bartender replied:
>  'The same thing I'm doing
     to his business down here.'
 

  The 6th Affair
 
>  Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>  He looked up and said weakly:
>  'I have something I must confess.'
>  'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
>  'No,' he insisted,
>  'I want to die in peace.
>  I slept with your sister, your best friend,
>  her best friend, and your mother!'
>  'I know,' she replied,
>  'now just rest and let the poison work. Jake'

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Life

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:08:39 GMT

Life

“Lost time is never found because time always flies. There is a past which is gone forever, but there is a future which is still one’s own. It is better not to waste time, but breathe to live forever, for life is too short to sit and wonder.”

As we go through our lives, we encounter with a lot of obstacles along the way. We can’t have everything that we want in life, or seek for the perfect life. A person needs to decide whether he or she wants his or her life to be as they imagined or to go with the flow as it comes along. Everyone makes a decision in life, and that decision has its own challenges. Along with that comes the risk.

A bright, sunny day makes a person feel warm and happy as well as clouds and blue skies; it makes a person think of a day out on a beach. The beach is always a place where a person could just sit and watch the horizon of the sea. Every little detail of a beach gives a little extra pleasure to our lives; for instance, the warm texture of the sand to sit on and the amazing view of the horizon. It is a perfect place to day dream and gaze through life. It is a human nature to day dream. People day dream when they’re happy. However some people day dream when they’re sad and tears will come rolling down their cheeks. A tear is a symbol of feeling. There are moments in life when a person will cry for help, and ask God for guidance. Some individuals will have their families and friends to help them through their problems.

It is also typical when a person has different sets of personalities. A person could be nice at one point and at another, he or she could be the meanest. As mentioned above, nobody is perfect. Some people hide in their own shell and mask, not showing the true colors of their personality. Most people say it’s the social pressure that makes them be what they have to be and not what they are. There is always a hidden meaning in sentences; it goes the same for personalities. We can never judge a person by the way they look. The difference between insecurities and individuality is courage. A person needs to be courageous enough to be who they are and don’t care what people say. Feeling insecure about the surrounding and what people might think of you will make life much more pressurized. Everything relates to each other but when it comes to personality and being who you are, it is one’s responsibility to acknowledge that.

It is always interesting how a border line in life separates two different feelings; for example, confusion and calmness. There is always confusion between two roads that we have to take in order for us to move on with life. At the end of the road, there will always be a bridge which is the calmness of life, and at the end of the bridge, there will be the life that we choose to lead on. A person with faith and determination always finds success and happiness in life. It is a matter of direction and individuality.

The ironic thing about life is, people want several things in life such as love, happiness, family, wealth and a healthy lifestyle. Yet at the same time, when it comes to satisfaction, they always change their perspective and that’s why some people complain that life can never be easy.

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Untitled

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:57:37 GMT

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you....

The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'" by Anonymous

“You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right,

it's the best thing in the world.

When you're in a relationship and its good,

even if nothing else in your life is right,

you feel like your whole world is complete.” by Keith Sweat

Lovely quotes.

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SCAD CHEER TEAM 2007-2008

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 01:07:52 GMT

We are going for nationals! March 20-23rd in Florida! Wish me luck!!
Btw, I'm back in Savannah @ SCAD for my Winter session!
Been spending alot of $$$$$money on supplies!! Sigh!
But its all good :) Love my classes, love being back!

Will update soon, to those from SCAD :
WELCOME BACK AND HAVE A GREAT YR !!

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Happy Ending

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 18:22:04 GMT

Winter Break is finally here.
I am currently enjoying it by taking a lot of photographs and spending time with my boyfriend in Wichita, Kansas. My brother is here as well, so it is fun to be around my loved ones.

I've been updating my self with the latest news of the world and my surroundings.
Good:

DEVIANT ART- Finally updated! And I am a Deviant Subscriber too! MORE MORE MORE!
XANGA- I am blogging right now, am i not? So yes, that means it'll be updated often!
CONNECTION- Finally bought myself a calling card, will be calling the people i missssss in Malaysia especially my family, Fira, John, Teshie, Edi, Rozy and the list goes on!

Bad:

Riots in Malaysia? Now that's not a good thing to read about.
I'm either losing weight or putting on more!

But whatever it is, I'M BACK !
I keep saying that right? Haha