| i dont know that anyone still even comes here but if not, it is mostly for myself. clint broke up with me. surprise. it didnt really hurt. i moved on and now am trying to date this other guy. i feel like im wasting my time though because he really doesnt seem like hes that into me...at all. he found out some information that i cant control, cant do anything about and he distanced himself from me. it hurt alot. this morning i had a dream about clint. that we got back together and i realized it was a big mistake. i will never be with him again. which for the most part im ok with, but then i read some of the things he left me and it hurt. today i hurt. i want that comfort, not really him, but knowing there is someone there. i feel lonely. |
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| still love him.still good. dont hate denise anymore. school is going. work is stressful. im really tired. |
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| asdme n clint 2 gether 4 ever!!!(happiness!)and i love him. shit works out. hes great and really this time we are both trying. i can see the difference and he really is trying for me. i love him. |
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| fuckso today was a sad day. a waste of gas to go to school and a waste of make up. i dont feel like much. im so angry. i cant do anything about the situation with clint. he just wants to keep me away from him. and his mom knows. im so embarrassed that she heard it from someone who doesnt even know who i am. i wish clint would have let me just tell her. hes so fucking stubborn. i want to smack it out of him but part of me just wants to give up.im tired of this feeling of undecidedness. he says that he still loves me an gives me these hints that he wants to be with me again but he says no no no.i want to just tell him that i know this wont make him happy and its stupid and all this but if hes so sure that this is what he wants than so be it. god knows i cant stop him. but i can hope that this is what god wants. that god has something there for me and i cant be with clint to have it. thats how i justify all this. i pretend that someone else takes care of me so i dont have to worry about the answers to questions i dont ask. i wish that the answer was infront of me. or the end could be seen. i dont care to know how iget there. just want to know what will be there when i do. i know at least that ill die one day. thats the only sure thing in life...death. |
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| this is all shitty shit. i want my life to flash before my eyes so i can just be old and not fucking remember any of this shit. thatd be great. i wish that i could skip actually going through life and just have all the memories of it. i guess thats what drugs are for right? i feel pretty weighed down and i just want to fucking hop on one of the 50 trains that go by my house every day and see where it takes me. a friend of mine says hes done it a bunch. i think i could like him. hes a vagabon and a fucking gypsy. i wish i could live by that. just go. maybe i will. shit. i have to work tonight. well the good news is that my parents are out of town from wed to tues and im not staying at home. allison told me that skylars brother is really hot and single and probably horny so ill check that out. plus i think ill blow all of my pay check on booze. great ideas |
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