so today was a sad day. a waste of gas to go to school and a waste of make up. i dont feel like much. im so angry. i cant do anything about the situation with clint. he just wants to keep me away from him. and his mom knows. im so embarrassed that she heard it from someone who doesnt even know who i am. i wish clint would have let me just tell her. hes so fucking stubborn. i want to smack it out of him but part of me just wants to give up.im tired of this feeling of undecidedness. he says that he still loves me an gives me these hints that he wants to be with me again but he says no no no.i want to just tell him that i know this wont make him happy and its stupid and all this but if hes so sure that this is what he wants than so be it. god knows i cant stop him. but i can hope that this is what god wants. that god has something there for me and i cant be with clint to have it. thats how i justify all this. i pretend that someone else takes care of me so i dont have to worry about the answers to questions i dont ask.

i wish that the answer was infront of me. or the end could be seen. i dont care to know how iget there. just want to know what will be there when i do. i know at least that ill die one day. thats the only sure thing in life...death.