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uthpstr_Jlyn
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Name: Julie
Country: United States
Birthday: 7/11/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Greek, acoustic guitarness, Macintosh, Micah, youth ministry, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Donald Miller, Polish food, euchre (the only card game worth knowing), flipping speed (thank you Jason), my family and The Ohio State Buckeyes.
Expertise: Tetris, cheeto anaologies in Scripture, the highly acclaimed "coal miner's pie", being a klutz, and multi-tasking every moment of the day.
Occupation: Life-long learner
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/6/2005
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| the antichristwith so much turmoil in world politics and the impending presidential election, i have heard much speculation about the antichrist. people try to identify the individual whom satan will use to lead the masses away from God after the rapture* (according to my best application of Scripture). according to scripture, this event will stay secret until it happens, keeping everyone (including Satan) in the dark. for this reason, i believe Scripture gives good evidence that Satan will attempt to be ready for whenever that happens; he has a potential antichrist waiting in the wings at all points in history. all that to say, no one is born to be an antichrist (as God alone has planned purposes and destinies for us as our creator), but Satan has his eye on certain people who open themselves for use in this manner.
*rapture: different from the second coming indicated in 2 Thessalonians 2:4, Matthew 24:15-30, and Revelation 6-18, the rapture is classified as "meeting the Lord in the air", an event that will occur in the "twinkling of an eye" and "at any moment."
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| Jesus the Jackhammersomewhere along this journey i took a wrong turn and everything around me looked similar to what i thought it should look like, but i have come far enough down the road to realize what wrong turn i made and now i just have to figure out how to make it right.
i have been hurt and ever since i take great care to maintain the thick wall around my heart. the more hurt i feel; the taller and thicker the wall gets, eventually keeping everything away just to avoid more pain. but God has been in the process of breaking me. i didn't realize until today that it's probably this wall that he's working on, one brick at a time. for a long time i've been asking Him what He's doing to me and why without reply. i think it's because i couldn't handle it. if He would have tried to tell me six months ago that He wanted to break down the wall around my heart, i would have hired more guards and invested in barbed wire. somehow because i didn't know, He snuck in and made a big hole. normally i would get freaked out by said hole except that He has His love gushing through so hard and fast that nothing else can get in or out. mostly because in this darkness and silence, i have missed love the most. i want to feel loved and to feel capable of love, which apart from God is impossible.
there's a song by barlowgirl that really resonates with me in this moment:
Why? Why are You still here with me? Didn't You see what I've done? In my shame I want to run, And hide myself.
Yeah, but it's here I see the truth, I don't deserve You.
But I need You to love me, And I, I won't keep my heart from You this time.
And I'll stop this pretending that I can, Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time Pushing You away from me. I just never saw how You could cherish me.
Cause You're a God who has all things, and still You want me.
And I need You to love me, And I, I won't keep my heart from You this time.
And I'll stop this pretending that I can, Somehow deserve what I already have
Your love makes me forget what I have been. Your love makes me see who I really am. Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.
And I need You to love me, I need You to love me,
And I'll stop this pretending that I can, Somehow deserve what I already have, Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me, I need You to;
I need, I need You...
that wrong turn i made was thinking God would only love me if i did something to deserve His love. i prided myself in how much i have done for Him, all the sacrifices, all the steps of faith, but really i was just trying to buy His love, which i already have. i wouldn't let God just love me. that's all He wants to do. He doesn't want to fix my wall, He wants to break it down.
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| to pastors, politicians and peddlers: am i a person or just a pawn?tonight glenn beck appeared on larry king live on cnn. beck offered a plea to politicians everywhere: just tell us the truth. with misty eyes he implored of our country's leaders and decision-makers to put truth above popularity. for better or worse, tom cruise (of all ungodly people) made a mental appearance and shouted back at the tv "you can't handle the truth." when it all comes down to it, once you know the truth it's hard to sit back and do nothing. "ignorance is bliss" serves less as fact and more of a self-convincing mantra for the lazy and unintelligent. we want to shy away from truth because we really believe we can do nothing to change or continue it. pastors avoid preaching "hellfire and brimstone", politicians avoid publicizing a blatant imminent (if not current) state of economic recession, peddlers avoid publishing the faults of their products, leaving the american public desperate for genuine truth. in the movie "the american president," michael j fox's character delivers a line that hits this point home: "They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a
mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the
sand." by avoiding the truth, we force lies upon others. it's like clearing out all the healthy food from a refrigerator and being angry people eat the junk; fact is-they have to eat.
apparently, the truth is trickier than that when you factor in popularity and power. no one enjoys being used as a pawn in someone else's game. we like candidates, salesmen and ministers who have no personal agenda in mind when they speak, comfort, decide and advise. they see you, not what you can do for them. if i had to choose between a two-faced preacher and a genuine peddler, i think i would have to choose the peddler. the people i really can't stand are the people who think they're treating you like a person (because they know that's what you want) but really only see and treat you like a pawn... | | |
| Springtime Shiverssince the first day of spring, we have seen more sunshine than we have all winter long but still winter-coat temperatures. i normally would not consider myself to be someone whose mood changes with the seasons, but i have to admit this winter really took it's toll on my morale. leaving for work in the dark, working in an office by myself and then going home in the dark to an empty apartment is really depressing. i feel my mood has lifted although nothing more than the weather has changed; dreams still halted for what seems like an indefinite period of time.
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| unchristian... by david kinnaman (barna group)i don't know why i pick up a book about "the church better understanding this generation" and actually believe it will be different and really facilitate a healthy dialog between students, young adults and mature adults. i am reading a book called "unchristian: what a new generation really thinks about christianity... .and why it matters" by david kinnaman & gabe lyons of the barna group (a well-known, well-funded evangelical research team that has a stellar reputation).
the first two chapters have sufficed to enrage a pretty open-minded "mosaic" (since "postmodern" is a dirty word now that so many evangelical anti-postmodernists have killed slews of forests raging against something they cannot change and have yet to understand or embrace). it continues to condescend to the "young outsider" who apparently does not have a brain or an idea of what is going on in the world and yet manages to simultaneously be synical and naiive--explain that mr. kinnaman. it pains me to think that after all this research, that he painstakingly overemphasizes, they still don't get it. only so much can be concluded from surveys--there's no story there, no meaning just the facts which can be swayed whatever the way the evaluator blows them.
i have to say i much favor the book "Jim and Casper Go to Church" by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper. their journey is personal and although very specific, it gives a better insight into the "outsider" mentality than evaluating a printout of survey results.
yet, a die-hard perfectionist and overly-determined mosaic, i will finish the book (probably this weekend and with a tired writing hand as the margins fill with my objections). has anyone else read it? although you already know how i feel about it, maybe someone else's perspective would help me swallow it a little better.
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