So this past week has been one looooooong rollercoaster. i have been really happy at times, really confused, annoyed, angry, stressed, completely worried, and extremely appreciative. all this in one week. i've pulled an all-nighter, which i never recommend to anyone. but the paper is done and it better be REALLY good. so the next day, when i had to turn it in, i was completely out of it. i can go on almost no sleep but literally no sleep, i can't do. so i left my wallet (like an idiot) in lakeside. and just walked off and didnt realize until after lakeside closed for the week. so i have to get a new license, new cards, new wallet, everything. i feel like such an idiot sometimes, but i blame it on the lack of sleep. and at least no one has used my cards yet. too late, suckas, it's cancelled now. haha. but now it's spring break and it's time to relax, something i am VERY good at doing. this next week is going to be so awesome!! I CAN'T WAIT to see my friends!!!!!!! i'm seriously crazy excited. even though some of them are back at school again but i hope the world is well, i'm about to peace out. i'm crazy tired. and today is st. patrick's day! hope you're wearing green!!!
so today i realized that i've been messing up, so i'm trying to learn from what i'm doing and trying to change a few things in my life. i mean, i have it pretty darn good right now. i am so thankful for all the opportunities in my life, but i need to learn to be more responsible and i DEFINITELY need to work out more. i was also thinking about some other stuff going on in my life as far as my relationship with God.
I have not trusted God enough lately. When I pray, I keep asking God for certain stuff like things to work out and for me to feel better about stuff and even for other people. What I keep forgetting is that I don't even know what I want. I have no idea where each mishap is going to take me or what is a blessing in disguise. The minute I realzied this, I felt so relieved because I know that I can trust God. I also have pretty outrageous trust issues. I don't trust many guys as far as relationships go and a lot of people seem to have disappointed me, even though a lot have impressed me. It's just that I realized there's nothing to be so stressed out about as long as I give God my worries and do the things He asks of me. He knows what's best for me, even if I don't. I need to remind myself that everday!!!
alright. so i get streesed easily. about lots of random stuff. sometimes about the past and stuff that i can't change and sometimes about random stuff i just havent done yet. i need to find a way to just chill. i think i'm slowly getting better. well, i know no one reads these things anymore so..... haha. i can write whatever i want. so i hate...... no i'm just kidding. i love all my peeps on hur. i miss my friends from back home. and i hope they're all doing really well. i just noticed that i haven't laughed really hard in a long time. ten points for whoever can do it.
dang, it's been a long time since i've written in this thing. life is going pretty well. I just miss everyone a lot more than i thought i would. college is a definitely a change. classes really aren't that bad. but it's the responsibility i have to get used to. the amount of extra stress is ridiculous down here. i feel so far away from everything i've grown up with. maybe that's because i've had the same friends forever. i dont know. i really really really don't want a boyfriend right now. i'm really afraid of leading people on and i hope that i'm not right now.
i've also had some thinking to do about my religion. now, more than ever, i realize how important it is to stay on top of it everyday. my new goal is to humble myself everyday and tell myself that i don't know anything everyday. I want to learn from God everyday. also, i want to be less superficial. there's so much i need to learn about God and it will make the relationship that much better. oh, and it's ridiculously hard to stop cussing when you start. i am trying but it slips so much easier these days. life seems kind of pointless sometimes. like it's not going anywhere. i need to decide where i want to be. like have some short term goals. i am going to start thinking about that.
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but i hope the world is well, i'm about to peace out. i'm crazy tired. and today is st. patrick's day! hope you're wearing green!!!