sooooo.... thiss weekend? haha XP

ok sooooo friday.... wasn't the best...... umm.... mornin started of with my grandparents fighting liek crazy.... sooooooo thatt wasn't too funn for me..... and thenn went to sku..... aaaand me and mana hadto walk up bku zthe buses din't come down to paki fast enough kuz the freshmen and the sophomores had their stupid event things.... and thenn nuthin happened in hawaiian..... and nuthin really happened in satire either.... liek.... it sucked..... and thenn i was lookin forward to 3rd period where..... u know.... i'd feel better and stuff..... BUT thatt din't happen either..... and thenn lunch and stuff..... and thenn in American law i juss fell asleep..... thenn in sociology we almost finished upp Hotel Rwanda..... and thenn 8th we had a sub and we juss colord the whole time..... and thenn we had our assembly..... alyssa was amazing.... it was kinda ku to know so many peepo in our court...... and thenn we rode the bus bak up to upper campus.... "why doesn't he juss hold down the breaks?" hahaha funniest quote from the busride..... hmm.... and i don't remember hu i hung out with after sku? it was probly gabi guys.... i have no idea..... thenn we rode the bus..... and thenn.... i got home and talked with my grandma a lot..... and thenn... got ready 2 go to jantz's.....

soooooo we're driving there and he told me to call wen i get close..... hah freakin a...... we're almost there and he goes "oh... brahh... i not dea yett..... but kevin and noa are soooo juss walk inside"....... hah and i was kinda trippin out bkuz i'm NOT about to let myself into a house in nanakuli.... kuz shitt..... wutt if thass not the one.... u one? hah soooooo i get there and had kevdawwg noa and his gurlfrend kanoe..... and they're sooooo funny..... i forget the order of the peepo that showed up.... i think nex was jordan oe nalu kaipo and bri...... and thenn jantz? i seriously don't remember..... but altogether...... was me jantz kev noa kanoe kaipo bri nalu jordan oe kanoe t. tj tee bronson c. xian bernie nick gomes bleys and thass all i remember? and yeeeahh.... i had funn... and i'm preeeeetty sure eurrybody else did.... had wii..... had xbox..... had music.... had FOOD..... hahahaha.... and kevdawwg ate poke....... hahahahahahahaha umm.... yeeeahh..... and i got to talk to kanoe 'bout plenny stuff..... found out some interesting things...... hah some quotes for the night.....
"i love keala...."
"i love kaipo...."
"kevin.... where's the pans?"
hah and i forgett the rest...... ok and shitt.... k after we got bak 2 the house eurrybody was sleeping..... and i was gonna sleep on the couch.... but had nick gomes soooo he had half an i had half.... and we was both sitting up..... k..... i get up to grab my fone.... i turn around and bitch was lying across the couch...... sooooooooo durrty..... and i couldn't figure out where 2 sleep...... i ended up sleeping at the kitchen table..... hahahaha same way i fall asleep during class..... hahahaha XP me and noa cleaned up litto bit..... and we was watchin cartoonz..... hahahahah and thenn cooked breakfast..... apparantly i'm a stupidass and STILL cannot cook rice..... hahahahahahahaha..... and thenn... played video games til i left for pearlridge...... for the record.... kevdaww suckz at halo :)

at pearlridge i met up with my prom date :) and we went to go look for her dress.... and we hung out with rashae..... was super funn.... thenn we went and got my tux.... and thenn we went to go eat...... and thenn we went in every possibly intereting store there..... hah decided which new jacket i was gonna get :)...... and thenn we took a pause to talk about nuthin really...... and we ended up talkin about love interests ...... and freaking a..... ok..... sooooo jessica is GORGEOUS..... liek amazingly beautiful..... hahahahahah to me neway...... and thenn..... yeeeeahh..... guess who was there..... AT PEARLRIDGE!!!!! hahahaha yuuupp.... freaking sick..... and yeeeahh..... thatt made my day..... kuz yeeeeahh.... thatt was liek a "to top it off"..... hehehe yess..... and after all thatt i was suuuuper tired...... and preeeetty much juss went to sleep.... i don't remember doin nethin after i got home..... but yeeeahh..... thatt was liek the short version of wutt happened...... and i would LIKE to have the same kinda detail that i used to have in my bloggs..... liek..... how i did freshman year and stuff...... but i don't...... kuz i don't think EVERYTHING is for sharing through xanga..... hah XP and the things i DON"T share..... will juss stay in my head.....

remembering.....

soooo this is the FIRST thing that i got hooked on..... hah in terms of computer addictions neway...... XP xanga..... haha i was late in getting one too... i din't get one wen eurrybody else did.... i do shitt wen i'm good and ready.... also.... this is wen i developed my type of typing..... with all the dotz.... and the "!i!i!i!i!i!i!" which doesn't work so well nemore? hah..... XP neway.... i realized something the other day....

it's incredibly hard for me to keep track of wut happens in my life... liek certain events..... and whatt day it happened on.... i freaking LOVED coming down from lunch 6th period.... going into biology during 6th.... and sitting there and typing out everything that was goin on in my life... every little detail.... kuz i KNOW that i don't remember it in the years to come..... and so i'll go back to it..... hah and it'll all be there..... u noe? i guess that's wutt my planner's for.... i du the EXACT same thing in there...... hah except.... i put more in there kuz nobody's really gonna read it..... and even if they do..... they can't understand it..... sometimes i can't even understand it...... but yeeeahh.... missin lotsa memories that i'd forgotten about until last night.... there's something in my brain.... thatt won't let me let go of things without a fight..... even if it's a matter of trying to fight time and space itself.... i REFUSE to let things go..... especially things from the past.... or things that COULD"VE been.... u noe? hah iunno... i don't even know if i make sense right now.... but yeeeahh..... special days will get bloggs from me..... from now on..... hah..... i've missed A LOT of special blogg days..... but they're all in my planner..... soooo not 2 worry.... but yeeeahh.....

sooooooo gett ready xanga.... kuz i'm comin bak......

shitty ending to an AMAZING weekend.... :-D

sooooo thiss weekend preeeetty much kicked ass.... sooooo thursday.... hmm.... i hung out with zoe raquel and kamarin..... kuz there was no rehersal and i din't wanna go home after sku.... soooo it was ku hangin out with themm and stuff... was lotsa funn.... aaand thenn i hung out with makana for a little kuz i hadto wait for casey to finish kdc.... and i met... sara.... and thenn casey finished and she wrote on fat marge's truck.... hahahaha.... and thenn..... hmm... we took tiana and met mishea down at Kamehameha shoppin center.... i bought mcdonaldz and mishea bought mcdonaldz..... thenn i don't remember wutt happened but we ended up goin bak up 2 sku.... hahahahaha and we LAUGHED the WHOOOOLE keku stairs up to the game..... we sat behind kalei micah higa nick brown i think? umm.... noelle... josh kop? i think? aaaaand KALEI is the most fun to yell with.. kuz she getz all nutz...... hahahahaha "this isnt' FOOTBALL or.... WRESTLING or.... JUDO!!!!" hahahahahahaha..... "PUT JON IN!!!" aaaand hmm..... yeeeahh..... thanks #23 on St. Louis.... huever you are.... you're one of the best players on OUR team ...... aaaaand thenn the fuckin St. Louis bois were callin out casey mishea and kalei..... wtf st. louis? callin out a bunch of gurlz? forreal..... whatt the fuck..... ok... neway.... we kicked their ass..... 41-27 i think? sumthin liek thatt..... thenn me mishea and casey got christina..... and walked to the car and dropped tiana off at her van... where we ran into frank-uh..... he invited us to his apartment.... but frick... it was V-day..... and we had stuff to do auready...... so we went and we gott aurora from the dorms..... aaaaand drove out to ward theater to watch step up 2...... the guy took my money and told the machine i payed 2000 dollars...... hahahahahahahaha so the change was all fucked up and he hadto write out the real change...... stupidass..... and thenn i hadto wait for mishea and casey kuz their line was all fucked upp...... and thenn we get to the movie and it's PACKED..... but we managed to find seats..... me and casey LOVED the movie..... mishea and aurora din't liek it so much..... but wutever.... oooh yeeahh.... and while we were parkin..... hahahaha apprantly i need to calm down..... kuz there was this guy hu pulled up behind us..... aaaand liek rolled down his window and was eyein us out.... so i did a "wassup?" up-nod thing..... and thenn he drove away.... mishea said that's how peepo get their ass kicked..... but wutever.... hahahaha mishea was sittin by 2 haole guys and behind some stupid gurlz sooooo she din't have funn..... but yeeeahh.... thatt movie was goddamn awesome..... and THENN!!!! we had a little laugh-fest thing...... hahahahahahahahaha at NOTHING for most of the carride home.... hahahahahahaha yess.... we seriously were laughing at NOTHING..... was good funn..... and we gott good ab workout....

Thenn.... friday comes around..... aaaand bleys called me upp to go beach..... and was liek "go find peepo to go beach with us....."....... umm.... hello? this is UR thing..... and U are the one hu doesn't think 5 peepo is enough..... so kaimana was the only one hu could go with us.... but thenn her brother claimed pink eye so she hadto do the yard..... and thenn jordan and kalena had a speech competition thing soooooooo they couldn't go either.... and thenn bleys said "ok we'll go 2marro thenn" soooo me and kaimana ended up hangin out at her house for a little...... ate some sushi stuff.... watched paranormal somethin? aaaaand went to go watch step up.... halfway through the movie i got a call from..... froooom.... ku'u hoa hoihoi.... hahahahaha but it was durin the movie so i din't pick up..... i called bak and they din't remember why they called..... THENN afterwards they call again and go "hey.... u wanna go beach 2marro? i'm goin 2marro mornin..... sooooo i can either pick you up 2marro mornin.... or you can stay over at my place...." hahahaha can you GUESS which one i picked?? sooooo i chose to stay over at their house..... kuz i DIDN"T think anythin was gonna happen..... my grandma was kinda mad kuz i JUSS got home from the movies and now i was gonna stay at a frendz house.... but yeeeahh..... so we watched dragon-wars.... hahahaha was preeeetty funny..... and thenn we were watchin rosanne..... and i met their roommate..... she's really really cool.... reminds me of britney hokuokalani..... and thenn..... we watched some more tv....... aaaaaaand.... we turned off the tv to go sleep.... so i laid back.... closed my eyes.... aaaand got a goodnight kiss from somebody.... and i was liek wtf? kuz yeeeahh.... so that followed by a "goodnight josh..." hahahaha..... and i was NOT about to leave it at that..... sooooo yeeeahh.... so i finally went sleep at wenever the hell that was...... and woke up at 7....

thenn it was saturday and we din't wanna go beach nemore..... soooooo we ended up goin 2 jackass ginger..... us 2... casey and mishea.... we were playin at the rope part with the water..... thenn my stupid mouth goes "soooo where does the water come from? oooohhh!!!! let's go see the waterfall!!!!!!" yeeeahh... so i thought it was close..... hahaha NOPE! i was soooo wrong... so we hiked through forrest..... and bamboo... and up and down the mountain.... through mosquitoes and spiders..... and FINALLY got to the waterfall.... which kicked ASS by the way..... aaaand we swam in the water..... but nobody ever told me that waterfall water.... is 20 degrees BELOW zero..... hahah yeeeahh.... thatt shitt was freezing.... AND u know wen ur driving on the freeway and it's liek pouring rain... and it kinda hurts wen it hits you? yeeeahh.... the waterfall felt liek thatt..... thenn we climbed upp it a little and took pictures thenn we came down.... aaaaand..... we had a mud fight.... thatt was preeeeetty awesome..... and thenn we took pictures all muddy and shitt.... and thenn we went and we washed off..... and thenn we din't wanna hike bak through the forrest..... soooo we kinda went IN the water... but we had bags and stuff.... and thenn we kinda went through a lawn...... and thenn.... i ran and almost got lost..... i was ready to cry.... so i stayed with the group after thatt..... thenn we walked past the strawberry guava and knew we were bak..... but yeeeahh.... saturday was preeeeetty damn awesome... and THENN!!! we got dropped off..... and i kinda juss went sleep..... and thenn raquel woke me up kuz kamarin was supposed to come pick me up so we could go to her house kuz it was her birthday and soooo i showered.... and kamarin gott me.... he's actually preetty cool.... considerin that i've only hung out with him liek 2wice..... haha XP aaaaand thenn i met all of raquels' frendz..... hu are all preeeetty much crazy liek me..... hahahahahaha sooooo we had lotsa loud laughing funn..... ..... we ate creampuffs...... played the ball game.... and potatoe potatoe..... aaaaand the game of zero...... hahahaha explained bleach and naruto.... talked about lacrosse and pickleball..... discussed how camoflauge doesn't really work..... and chemistry is a good class bkuz it's about the relationships between peepo..... aaaand human anatomy is apparantly about depression..... hahahahahahahah..... yess..... and thenn we kinda got kicked outt.... aaand i went home and went to sleep......

me and kamarin were supposed to come bak in the morning..... but i wasn't feelin 2 good kuz i was kinda sick and tired.... liek literally...... aaaaand sooooo i juss kinda stayed home and slept until winterguard practice..... we got lost on our way to winterguard..... so we got food..... and thenn we finally got there.... aaaand were thrown into wutever was goin on...... and it was actually a pretty funn practice..... i was learning howto do tosses and stuff..... preeeetty funn..... and dancin helps me remember wut's happenin...... and wutt things feel like..... aaaaaand thenn we went to go watch step up 2 again..... hahahahahaha..... but yeeeahh...... that was the last thing i really did.....

thenn 2day..... the shitty ending..... i stayed home all day and did nothing.... bleys was gonna come pick me up but i don't know where he went...... aaaaaand soooooo i juss stayed home..... and did nothing.... all day..... yeeeahh..... sadd :-/

kuz the world needz it....

a place to draw strength from

everyone has one of those right?? somekind of foundation..... somebody.... or someTHING to draw strength from...... right?? a person.... an ability..... a place.... a belief.... somekind of FAITH in something..... that gives themm hope..... and strength to move on in life.... and keep going..... keep on driving towards something..... even if they feel down as shitt..... and everything sucks.... there's that ONE thing that they can look to..... and somehow be able to look ahead towards something better.... i don't have thatt.... not even the "default" ones that everyone SHOULD have.....

Family
that should be the first place... or group of people.... or however you wanna look at it.... but it should be the FIRST place a person learns to rely on.... as a foundation.... family..... something that will always be..... right?? they SHOULD always be your family..... even if you fight... and don't always appreciate eachother..... they're still family...... and should still love you and be there for you the way they should....... mine doesn't......... most of my family thinks i'm fine.... i can take care of everything and anything that comes towards me..... i don't need help...... i juss need themm all to stay out of my way.... but have any of themm ever tried REEEALLY talking to me? talking to me liek i'm a real person?? liek i'm still the kidd that i am.... the teenager hu's goin through shitt..... the high schooler hu's stressin out about the world?? NOPE!...... josh is grumbling again..... and fighting with everybody.... he's havin his little pissy fitt and we should all juss stay out of his way...... do you ever actually LISTEN to the words that i say wen i have one of those?? maybe..... WHYY i'm freakin upset? no..... you don't..... it's stupid.... and childish...... and thass as far as that thought process goes......

Friends
soooooo if you don't have your family..... you cling to your friends right?? hah..... well that's how it works in my head anyway..... that's the closest thing to family..... shiett..... they ARE family....... chosen... by you..... to be the family you want and need.... they should be the next group of people to ALWAYS be there..... but of course.... liek my family..... nobody is...... sometimes i hope they would be..... or i think they are.... and thenn i realize that they're nott..... i'm freakin ALWAYS there wen my frendz need it...... u noe?? even if it's for nothing..... even if it's for something soooooo small...... and they MADE it a bad thing in their head...... i'm there..... to help themm calm down..... help themm think straight about it...... help themm think of a solution..... help themm put that solution into action...... and help themm from preventing anykind of problem liek thatt from ever happenning again..... but..... hu does thatt for me?? NOBODY..... not even me..... i can't take an outside look at wutt's goin on in my life and know how i would deal with it outside of my life...... u noe?? fuck..... i'm pissed..... iunno why i'm liek thatt..... it's so stupid.... butt that's me..... i don't understand a lot of my friends right now..... liek...... how do they see me right now?? whatt do they think about wutt's bothering me..... kuz i know i don't pretend liek shiett ain't bothering me..... i wear it aaaaaaaall over my face..... and don't hold back anything...... why should i?? buuuut nobody gives a shitt enough to ask....... sooooooo eeeahh... thanks for thatt one..... not all of you..... but a whole fucken lott liek to do thatt to me........ and it reeeeeally hurts...... and pisses me off........

Finally.....
i have ONE good thing right now....... that's the way that i see it..... ONE SINGLE thing that is ALWAYS there wen i need it...... even when i'm being stupid..... it's there to make me feel better....... but..... bkuz of the nature of the relationship we have..... i have to give it up..... thatt ONE thing that freakin makes me feel better and NOT freak out about everything....... the ONE thing that helps me go to sleep at night...... the ONE thing thatt helps me stop crying wenn shitt is goin on..... the ONE thing that calms me down wen i'm madd.... the ONE person to care answer as many of my calls as they cann...... the ONE person to care enough to CALL ME BACK when i call...... when i spend time with this ONE person..... nothing else matters..... and the world is sooooo far away... there's no problems..... nooooooo worries..... just the two of us there..... with nothing to bother us..... or hold me down...... nothing is there to make me sad..... or mad..... it's a completely different world........ and the SADDEST part about this ONE thing that can fix the world for me..... i juss realized...... that i have to let it go..... i have to COMPLETELY detatch myself..... because it's juss not right of me to rely on themm..... the whole situation with us isn't right....... and thatt hurts too..... the ONE person i can ACTUALLY count on ANYTIME I NEED....... i have to lett themm go....... thatt freakin hurts the most probably.....

everythins is soooo fucked up right now..... and i have nobody to help me........