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| damn i can not sleep..sigh..for the past few days and weeks... all i think is about someone in my past.. it sucks.. i miss him dearly...i wish things would work out and be normal again..but i guess it wont happen..he doesnt even attempt to contact me back at all..so i guess its for the best for both of us..because he wanted it like that... i was reading through the notes he gave me and letters and cards..it felt good but i was sad in a way because hes not wtih me no more... sigh ... i wonder whats he doing and if he even still think about me... he probably moved on..because its been since june already that we havent really talk and all.. wish he was right here =(... even though i talk to other guys and go on dates with them..its just not the same.. i dont feel that vibe how i had felt before.. i know its going to take a while ..but i highly doubt i would give any of that kind of attention to any guys no more... i just hope he's doing allright... | | |
| my weekend was allright..went to bham with my bf's brother gf ..and got away from here..which was pretty good..from all the stress..came back on sunday around 6 pm.. im at my bf place now.. i spent the night here last night.. and i want to go home since yesturday..but i got some issues with my mom.. everytime i talk to her asking why she gotta get angry at me for no reason she does not want to talk or listen to me..she is just like my bf..how he act when i wanted to discuss about our issues.. sigh.. thats why ive been so stressed.. i wish my dad would have picked me up but i guess he was to tired last nightand he was suppose to pick me up this afternoon at my bf place becuase i dont have the car...i dont know if he showed up or not because iw as asleep and have all my things in the living room all ready to go...he probably came by and knock on my bf's apt but i was asleep in my bf's room...gosh i really want to go home..i feel a little akward here and weird being here at my bf place.. he probably thinks im using an excuse to stay at his place which i dont really want too... iwish this would not have ever happened with me and my mom.. i could not even go to sleep last night either... i asked my sister if i should go home right now and she answered she dont know .. and i asked her to ask my mom to pick me up even though we arent really talking and my mom didnt respond..that resally upset me again today... but i would feel much better if my dad was there and picked me up... sigh... | | |
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if i dont understand the problem, MAKE me understand, if not that, attempt to help me understand. without acknowledging the problem i cant help solve it.. it takes two. meet me halfway.
only now, he has fallen and theres no way to catch him. our experiences were miles apart, making our hearts much father away from each other then the place he had just trasvered. through his words i was alienated, but through his eyes i felt his yearing. he needs my support in his search for strength and a new start, he needs "space" now more then ever. so i will take that in consideration and will tell him that i am here and that it is okay to feel. and he will continue to do so..sigh | | |
| this really suck.. this is another day.. his friend got in a bad car accident the other night but now hes doing okay... my bf is back at his house and ive left so many msg on his phone and no answer from him at all today..and ive been trying to call him to talk to him..but i guess hes ignoring my call..either hes trying to ignore me so i can leave him alone..but if he wants me to ..i wish he can just pick up the phone so we can talk... without no arguments... im pretty much sad and tears started to drop on my face... it hurts and i know we might end up breaking up ..but its a pain of love... sigh..ima try to attempt to call him again one more time..and if he doesnt pick up i guess i wont try no more and just leave him alone... | | |
| ..... im trying so hard to see both side of the situation.
so hard that im contradicting myself to no where.
yet i sympathize....
about us...about things that happened in the past and present...
but in the essence of that..
i still loved you a lot.
i guess the realization of a love that was so right. it just happened at the wrong time..
i wonder if its my fault thats why now my realtionship is like this... i guess its karma...also i guess i try to turn him into something hes not..but i stop that a long time ago.. but damn karma does exist..im not going in depth with that though... | | |
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