so this weekend it's been officially 9 years since she left me....us. I don't kno what to say because each year i get the same feelings, same thoughts, along with the memories. The memories of actually watching her leaving me, leaving this earth, is still so clear, as if it was yesterday. People say time will heal everything, but they're so wrong. Time healed alotta things but never this heartache. Time can never heal what i went through, Time can never heal what i have lost and what i feel. My pain still runs deep, because ppl have no idea what i went through as a child, and i guess it's something that made me who i am today, there are many regrets but over time i guess things happens for a reason, whether it's fair or not....i guess that only thing that i really regretted was that I Took for granted you'd always be there, I never showed I cared and now you're only in my dreams... Damn, this is one of those moments you think to yourself that you never realized what you've lost until it's gone....damnit this wasn't suppose to be. as nowadays i truly envy those ppls out there that still have their mother by their side, to aid them, take care of them, and just simply to be there for them. It gets me so frustrated when ppl out there are so mean to their moms because they have no idea what their moms has been through for them. Recently, i learned a little more on my mother's past and learn more about her life, and let me tell you she did not have it easy...not even one single day. I guess it hurts that she only dedicated her life to her husband and her kids...but it sucks to know that she didn't even get a chance to see them grow up. So treasure every moment with your parents as much as you can, because you'll never know when they can walk out of your life.....just like that second she left mine. 
A million times we think of you, A million times we cried. If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. There is many a lonely heartache, There is many a silent tear, God only knows how much we will miss you, Throughout the coming years. In life we loved you dearly, In death we love you still... In our hearts you hold a place, No one can ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, But you did not go alone, For part of us went with you, The day god called you home... 
sometimes it's better to let go, but it will be hard. until then i miss you & still love you always. | 
