farewell, my friend~

one of those sad moments to say goodbye again.
but.... the future will be brighter so all in all it's a happy thing.

Just.... I hope I won't be the last one here.... don't leave me alone...

All is calm again.....
do you hear the waves in the ocean?
one after one after another
a rock drops into the water
it splashes and cause some disturbance right after
but, after a while, all is calm again...
all you can hear is wave after wave after another

isn't that cool?

wow....so, it's been already a month since I last blogged here.

Don't remember what exactly had happened this month, all I know is I'm tired, sick and stressed out at this point. Having to cramp a wedding out in six months, having to find a place to move to 3 months before my wedding with a surprise one-month notice (with the expectation that I have to move again after the wedding), and having to jump into the chaotic aggressive project right after I finished another one..... and with a management that insists a very aggressive schedule that's even more aggressive than my already aggressive schedule. Not to mention the on-going stress of choosing and dealing with wedding vendors as well as the emotional side of the game with close relationships (family, friends and fiance....you name it). I think my body got smart, it just turns sick so it can be excused from having to face these problems directly --- it thinks, except a cold or two is just not a big enough excuse for all these. It'd better be cancer or something severe like that to do the trick. (No, I definitely DON'T wish to have cancer nor something sever； I am only venting here)

Well, excuse me but I need to vent a little bit more. XXXXX (unnamed friend/family), please stop reminding me the negative part of what could happen and stop insisting that I should follow your well-meaning pessimistic advice. I am an individual of my own and I make choices for my own. I believe I have a pretty realistic model of assessing uncertainties. I would still like to gather "expert advice" from friends and family just because I value what you think and I think sometimes it helps to have other people's perspectives. But at the end of the day, I think these assessment from friends and family should only be amendments to my own assessment instead of replacement of it. In other words, I take your advice into consideration in addition to what I already have in mind. But what you advice me to do would not always be what I end up doing, please don't get mad when that happens.

I am sure you have accounted that to happen, i.e. you wouldn't be too mad if I end up choosing something slightly different than what you advice. But the real issue that I am trying to get at is, between you giving me advice and me actually making the decision, please stop influencing me. I admit that I can be easy to influence emotionally, especially by people that I consider close to me. People that are not close, ya, whatever you say, I'll listen politely but it really has no effect on me. But people that I value so much, u know, everything you say AFFECTS me. Not only what you say, but also how you sound/look when you say it and what you don't say affect me too. All these unconscious little things already affect me enough, imagine what would your conscious acts of repeating and emphasizing the pessimistic side of reality would do to me. It's not like I don't know reality, I know what it's like and I know what you think...... don't repeat and repeat and emphasize and emphasize. I've got your message, I just haven't decided yet. Give me some space between receiving information and making the decision. I am a slow person.

One thing that I would like to say is, in facing any small or big challenges in life, I rely on a combination of a neutral but yet thorough risk assessment,  a dedication to stick to and execute my choice and my natural optimistic spontaneous emotional spin on things. This combination let me be well-grounded to earth, but yet have the youth and energy to face new challenges. The trick here is, there's one exposure in this model: my natural optimistic spontaneous emotional spin. (what a long phrase!) It's all natural, I don't have to even think to get it, and the more I use it the more I can get it. It definitely would conflicts with my "risk assessment" sometimes, because this world is full of sad odds as we all know it. And it definitely contradicts with my "dedication to stick to and execute my choice" --- spontaneous and dedicated, these two words don't mix well. But, I think I somehow can find a balance between the them --- as long as I don't get repeated/emphasized pessimistic emotional messages from close relationships. Just don't keep on repeating/emphasizing something pessimistic because you don't see me react to it the way you expect me to....then I think we can all live together happily.

Well, enough venting on things that are as small as sand on the beach. Somebody bigger than you and I is watching over what is happening and what we are thinking and saying. Somebody bigger than you and I is also watching over the many lives lost and many hearts broken in Sichuan. Somebody bigger than you and I is also watching over the many sinful choices of greedy chinese officials who were involved in all those school/building projects in sichuan and such.

天上的風箏哪兒去了　一眨眼不見了
誰把它的線剪斷了　你知不知道

從前的我們哪兒去了　路太遠我忘了
如果你想飛我明瞭　你自由也好

我不要將你多綁住一秒　我也知道天空多美妙　請你替我瞧一瞧

看你穿越雲端飛的很高　站在山上的我大聲叫喔...
也許你呀不會聽到　把夢想找到要過得更好

我不要愛情的低潮　我會微笑眼淚不准掉
我很好後來的你好不好　你會知道我沒有走掉　回憶飛進風裡了

天上的風箏哪兒去了....

*****************************************************

I have another idea....改天到太平洋的海灘放風箏去！

I can't believe it...

we have only 4 months left!

Nothing has been done the last month. I hope the emotional roller coaster could stop and we could actually get some work done. My take? This wedding planning thing does NOT need to be perfect but it really needs to get done. Things just need to happen....please respect my wish...

May not be your typical bride-to-be, but....it's vicky....

BTW, I love this advice from my dearest 慧敏姐姐：
"do u know what is the most important job for a bride-to-be?
Ans: PREPARE YOURSELF TO BE A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE."

I love it. Thank you, 慧敏姐姐. That makes my feel so warm again (I do wanna cry b/c of that).
I'll try to keep that in mind! :)

(btw, this is from our wedding blog)