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| Wow....don't you just hate when you think you have everything figure out and them everything just falls apart in that one moment of glory... I hate how I thought that I was strong enough to overcome anything, any obstacle that would get in my way... But what happens when you need to get over something that once had power over you? Something that you once cared for with your entire mind, body, and soul? THis isn't even about my most recent "crush" but rather I reflected over my only complete failure in life... What the hell happened? Why did everything go wrong? I can't disclose everything cause first it wouldn't make sense and second, I believe that she wouldn't appreciate me telling everyone our story. But I just wanna say...I miss her... I remember the long summers we had jus talking on the phone till 1 in the morning and how I was so at ease just listening to her talking about everything. I miss how I used to promise her that when I got a car, I'd drive down to her every weekend and that we'd hang out as much as possible. I remember how I always was anxious to finally see her after so much time h as passed. I would always assume that all the time we didn't see each other would be compensated by the glorious moments of being her presence. After we broke up...I honestly didn't want to get back with her but rather just spend my life by her side as a friend. Did I really do something wrong? It's like... something wrong just happened that I wasn't aware of and we longer communicate at all... The im convos are just simple "hi's and what's up's" and that's it... She never answers the phone and I don't understand why the friendship that was so strong broke down in a matter of days... I've definately set it aside for a while but when I have to think over it, I pull out the only picture we've ever taken, the first picture I've ever framed and hung in my room, and I just ponder why it ended, why I can't fix it... Does she still think I love her that way? NO!!! Please don't get that idea, I just want to have the close friendship we've had before. You probably are going out with that guy but does that matter? What do I have to do with him? Is it uncomfortable or something... Please tell me...we saw a movie with your best friend and her boifriend. Everything went fine...and then you just shunned me since then. WTF did I do?
It's funny, I really thought I would just forget about it and move on because i noticed that i focused on the past and ruined the present. I'm a fool, I let it happen 3x's already and of those 3 I lost a close friendship with this girl. Just tell me... what happened and I'll finally be at peace.
-Mike | | |
| My ego is getting in my way right now....
I feel like that I don't need to love someone. Why? What's the point? Do I really even know what love is? I can't believe I've actually felt jealous of her. She's so damn perfect it's insane! I try my hardest and I still come up so much shorter than she does on an off day. She's brilliant and enjoys life. She doesn't stress out and puts things in perspective. What I'm doing right now is so childish. Why the hell do I write this stuff? And then I think...it's cause i can't talk to her about these things...even though I can talk to her about anything i want...how can i talk to her about things that involve her? It's like...i have no one to talk to about this...I have to write my thoughts down here somewhere...Wow...I'm totally getting owned by my feelings right now. It's a love/hate relationship inside my mind right now. Why can't I jus act normal or is that too much to ask? Geez I hate being the person that's whipped. You know how much that sux? to be completely subservient to someone no matter what? I've always been cocky and arrogant...but damn...I become like a lil puppy everytime I'm with her...That's ridiculous...a person isn't supposed to bow down before another person...I have to figure out a way to level the playing field...cause this is one game of life that I'm sure as hell not losing...cause it's not a game for one thing and it involves the most important person in my life right now.
-Mike | | |
| *note to self
stop freaking out!!!!!!!! you pay attention to insignificant things!!!!Just let things play out and things will jus occur naturally. The world knows that you're an impatient person but since when has anything been instant? All good things take time to develop. She's ur best friend!!! Quit making things soooo bigg that they rival the size of ur stupid ego! Don't try to make things into a huge piece of drama nor try to ignore them either. Be yourself....do the things that needed to be done. That's all people ask of you. People like you for who you are..not for the image you feverishly try to attempt. If su amiga mejor really does care for you...she'll let you kno...there's no need for a freaking interrogation! When the time comes, your heart will tell you...not ur stressed out mind...
Mike...just believe in yourself and your abilities...things will always fall into place..."LOVE" will take time and you'll definately appreciate that you've waited patiently...cause we all kno that she's playing hard to get ;)
-Vu | | |
| i'm actually happy for once....cause i jus realized...even though I've
fallen for someone and I can't get up....she'll be there to help me up
no matter if she likes me or not...cause we're always there for one
another...no matter how we feel about each other...that's ur fine
example of uncoditional love right there...love comes in many
forms...two of which we've both experienced with one another. I thank
you Ivanna, for everything you've done for me. So now....I'll jus
revert back to being myself...the person that makes u laugh and happy
cause of my famous "randomness" and talking ability. Of course I'll
always be BoBo to the rest of ur family though. To me...in my
heart....u'll always be Becky and there u will remain forever. I'll
always love you no matter what...no matter when....cause I fell....and
u helped me up with the warmth of your heart and soul. THank you!!!!!
-Vu
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| Never take things for granted....cause in that present moment you'll
feel like you've got everything under control...but as it becomes the
past...you realize that you've made the biggest mistake of your
life...cause now your future will be without that special someone...you
wasted your chance in that past and u'll never get the chance to make
it up...you gave up the opportunity to test out life's uncharted
waters...ones that u share the same boat with that special
girl...because of a stupid choice the tragedy is set in stone and
always engraved in ur heart...cause u've lost her...and nothing will
ever be the same again..
"...its a selfish problem and i'm sorry
because you are being so sweet about it...but i guess it just boils
down to i'm tired of your flirting but not being serious...it hurts"
"well i know all of this...you are my best friend, thats why i never wanted to say anything because i knew what you would say"
"more like hiding the truth, mike you've never shown serious interest in me, its all been silly flirting...i couldnt tell you"
I'm an idiot for not realizing my stupidity
-Vu | | |
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