Hmmm i am blogging again.It has been about two months since I last blogged.Life has been quite dramatic lately.I am not sure whether it was the beginning of the love cycle again.From guessing to confessing and breaking up.I am very sick of this, or rather I am too timid to try.Yeah, experiences make you grow but at the same time it do cause unrevertable hurt.Something that will refrain you from attempting.Perhaps this is a self-protective mechanism.Today is the third month after Jun Xian has confessed.What am I doing here?Not accepting and yet not rejecting him.I know it is not only the fear which is stopping me.But i often lie to myself, i blame everything on the fear because I do not want to admit that I am actually thinking of someone else.But i know very clearly that I should not lay my faith in the air.This is not going to work out.Well.......this is human's nature, we are only after things that are unreachable because we just can't stop challenging ourselves.

I feel so indepted to Jun Xian.Someone who can fly all the way back to Singapore just to spend the weekend with me and working so hard to win my heart even though i have rejected him many times.Sometimes I wonder if i did the wrong thing by looking away when he tried kissing me on Valentine's day.But i wouldnt have to give him the wrong idea that I am accepting his love,neither do I want a kiss with no love involved.

I just couldnt stand the emotional roller coaster I am on now.He is just so unpredictable.This doesnt seem like it when someone is in love with you.Love is always a two ways traffic.I should have known by now that he is not reciprocating.I tried to be rational and everything seems under control now.

Pondering o oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Came across this in a friend's website.I was having a lot of thoughts after reading it although it's like 2am now :P

Maybe to a lot of people i seem easy come easy go.Dump bfs like eating a piece of cake.But only i knew how hurt I waseverytime when I realized something would not work out and I had to put a fullstop to because there is no point continuing.Who doesnt want a long lasting relationship but sometimes things just dont always go my way.

Say i am petty say i am selfish.I totall agree with the fact that there is no way that I could accept someone again if he brings in a third party into the relationship. If he loves me,he wouldnt have actually thought of hurting me by going with another girl.So if he did it means there was at least one point of time when he doesnt love me at all.As hurtful as it could be, the only way to end this endless loop of hurt will be to leave him.

The fact is that jealousy is inbuilt in every girl, trust me on this. Even if you know you wouldnt go back to this guy anymore but still you dont want to see him with another girl.It's this sour feeling which will take over me whenever I see my ex with another gal.Actually at times i think I can't help it but everyone else can see through me.There was once I was with dear dear having my favourite laksa.Darren called me for a chat.During the conversation he was telling me about this SIA stewardess whom he just met in London.Ooh well after all it has been about 4 years since we broke up.Why bother if he is seeing another gal now, look at how many bfs you had after him ? But still, Ribena felt very jealous.Ribena wants him to love her and only her,now and forever,even if there is no future in them.The conversation lasted for about an hour.Dear dear looked a bit pissed and asked me what was the conversation about.So i just told him and he said he knew it because i wrote everything on my face.

Yes I know.........Sometimes it is just sooooo amazing.When you think you are just treating someone as friends but at the same time you just feel so comfortable having him around you are in a danger zone.Because you are in love with this special someone.Worse still if you know he doesnt think the same way.But to me,whatever it might be i will just start avoiding him as i know if he doesnt feel the same way this friendship will end sooner or later.HAving a crush on someone are colors in life.You feel very happy because the guessing game is just so fun.Spending so much time with each other and yet not getting into a relationship.It seems so near yet so far.Sadly,this wouldnt last for too long.Once a party starts to repel......that's it......

It has been a few days since i last blogged.Not that I was that bogged down by work.Yes indeed I have a lot of things to do on the list but it doesnt stop me from doing what I want to do though.Well......sometimes when I feel like bloggin and I will end up doing something else.Just some updates.........Ok where did I stop?Wed.......what did I do???Hmmmm I went for HYP meeting.It was quite alright.As usual I was given some tasks.But that's fine.It will keep me occupied after all.I went for a violin concerto performance with brother, sm and Ming Fung.It was quite good.Performed by the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music student's.It was kind of entertaining.Sm kept pointing to me which guys were falling asleep when they were not playing.So amusing :P Ooh ya not forgetting the fact that I spotted this cute guy who was playing the trumpet.And sm just pop out the statement that it is not bad if we were married to a musician.I do agree!Instead of saying sorry and giving u bears to pacify you when you are pouting he can play you the most romantic piece on the violin to sooth you.HOw impressive could that be !!!!Say I'm impractical but the chaotic world and hectic life needs some romantic moments to keep us going.

I wasnt feeling well on Friday again.And the lab was rather tough so everybody was asking a lot of questions.Just like any other labs I was running around trying to help the students.At least i think I did a good job to assist them in the assignment.Went home early to sleep.Slept for solid 12 hours till the next day.

Spent the whole Saturday testing on my CS4243 project and made the slides.So I think it's more or less done and I dont have to worry about it anymore.Just need to do some other slides today then I am done.Oh not forgetting that dad called me yesterday to asked if i am going home for  the long weekend.I am glad that I planned to do so.If not I know dad will be rather disappointed.Once again I felt so blessed that I have the greatest dad in the world.

Spoke to dear dear on the phone last night.I wasnt very happy after talk to him because I realise there is this problem between us which I am so puzzled over.His ex Joanne is coming to Singapore to work.How does he know this if they are not in contact?I can't stop him from keeping in touch with his ex gfs but it just feels so sour when I got to know this.Maybe girls are just born jealous.Not like as though I really love him a lot,but knowing the fact that he is mine,I am not willing to share it with anybody else.I can share anything except bf to be precise.Ah huh!! There is something which made me really happy.He told me that his supplier saw my picture on his table.He commented that his gf looks so sweet.ahhahahaahah so happy :) As much as guys dont agree,who doesnt want a trophy gf??Someone you can 'show off' to your friends,that you are so blessed to have her. Of course personality does play a major role but still............Dear dear sounded very proud of me, well i was pleased but what if one day I no longer look sweet to him and someone else looks even sweeter? I told dear dear that everything was good and I love the feeling of under control.I mean everything is under my control :).Finishing up most of the work b4 i can go home.

Everyday just passes so fast.........Seems like nothing much has been done but the day just flew by.Woke up in the morning and went for lecture.This last lecture was crap!!Was chatting with wei tat about the burnt out enthusiasm......and brother and sm mistaken it as love letter.........they started teasing us during lunch.Wei tat is not bad but well the line is drawn , we are only friends and nothing more than that ,now and forever.

After lunch was hyp meeting.Everytime when i have meeting means more things to do.But anyway i dont really mind.As long as I am willing to work on it i suppose that's fine :).

Went back to the lab for a while,signed the report and went for tutorial.The tutorial wasnt anything useful either.Got back my two hand in assignment. It was 7.5/10 and 10/10.Feel quite proud of myself because i scored high when i only hand in two pages.The guy in front of me only got 5/10 and he wrote 8 pages.Hahahhaah..........

Then we went to Geylang,apparently there is a pasar malam in Geylang.The traffic was very heavy on the AYE.Reached Geylang 1 and a half hours later.I felt sooooo hungry.Had mince meat noodle for dinner.It tasted quite nice,so it is worth the journey.Walked around at the pasar malam.Basically the stalls are very similar but there were like 100 stalls all in.Quite spetacular.

Came back at around 10pm.Took shower and started editting my essay.The following an hour or so was spent on the phone :P.My ears was burning but he still can't stop talking.Ooh my........I understand the problem but there is nothing I can do......I pity u but i can't help except tellin you not to be upset my dear......

It's around 1:30am now.But i still dont feel sleepy yet.Lately i dont feel like sleeping at night anymore because I dont want tomorrow to come,I dont want to have the conscient that I have to do work.I am getting lazy or perhaps I am putting too much stress on myself.Okay dont worry........I can go home in 7 days time!!Isnt that something which i should look forward to?

Today was a productive day.Did most or I should say all the things which i planned.Well done vin vin.*kiss**bear hug*.Talking about hugs......i believe that hugs means a lot and hugs can do wonders.Hug heals a broken heart, hug extend our love deep into the soul of the other person, hug shows how much we care.........But when was the last time I actually hugged a friend????Ribena tries hard to fit into the Asian culture,and to refrain from being her usual westernized self as she knows people will look at her like one kind.Ribena's hug has different allusion.....when I hug someone,deep inside my heart i do have something to tell this person.

Meeting a friend whom i havent seen for long

--> Oh Hi........

Reunitting with old buddies

-->*tears* i miss u ........

Mom and dad

--> I love you daddy and mummy

Sunitha

-->u'r my princess

dear dear

--> god knows how much love i owe u

ex bfs

--> why did you choose to break my heart

friends who has given moral support

--> thanks for being there,glad that i had you by my side

 Ribena is counting down to 10 days.Then Ribena can go home already.But before that there is so much to settle.A test coming up ( easy task!!I scored full marks the last time) which was 25%, Cs4243 project due ( we are almost done,just need to refine),cs4211(80% done too,spent quite a lot of time on it last night),HYP ( have to re-extract the features and get the probabilities).....hmmmm guess that's about it.