i couldn't have known.  it is perfect.  you are perfect.  i am not-but with you i was.  i saved every single one of your words...i really did-i honestly still have then, a part of me wants to just get rid of them...but i dont-why?  im not sure...will i need them?  probably not ever...but i keep them...

and if i had kept his words, would you have minded?  or the one before him?  how did i get to this place with so many hims in my life...

and how do we find our selves in places we never really meant to be?  it's where we've always wanted to see-but never beleived or really pursued...now there is a reality to deal with and dig out of and step into...

school dearest school nearest school beerest two coronas and i was done...

funny when you talk to people and they think you are somebody that you are not...

and why do people try and contact you after a thing is long and dead?  do you respond...do i keep quiet?  do i let curiousity alone dictate our conversations?  or do i stay so far away? 

today was the final day of our three days of all day meetings...i didn't know if i'd make it...and who knows if i have or not...

i love you

never be the same...i always believed in futures...could it be that everything goes around by chance?

none of these words are mine.

but you are....

i think i have found home.  i have not lived in one place for any perioud of time since before graduating high school-and i've now been in one place almost an entire year...and i finally feel like i belong.  not that we ever belong anywhere...but i finally feel at rest and like i no longer need to search -for myself, for you...for anything...i can simply live.  and i can continue sending down roots, becaue i will be here a while longer.  and for the first time there is freedom in being able to fully devote myself to something.  i dont want to leave...i dont feel like i need to-i am here...

i contemplate while drinking yet ANOTHER cup of coffee....