after my experience in ob/gyn i've vowed to pursue a career that would be absent of pap smears and pelvic exams. if all else fails in medicine, i apparently have a promising career in horse jockey. granted deliverying a baby was a purty kickass experience, gynecological office hours have been nothing short of a traumatic and a demoralizing experience. im apparently terrible at feigning interest, motivation, or asskissery when i find the field void of personal interest, relevance, or intellectual stimulation. hence, its no surprise that my motivation, expression, and demeanor in clinic hours rivaled that of a fat kid forced to be in fat camp. don't get me wrong, all respect to all ob/gyns out there - just really really not my thing. probably doesn't help that my preceptor, granted being purty laid back and a nice guy, has no concept of punctuality and extends clinic hours to beyond what is tolerable and into mind numbing downtime. well, best part about it, its done and through abundant downtime, my kickass cameraphone, MS paint, sprinkle of twisted humor, and a nurse who suprisingly shared the same sense of humor ( who also is the brainchild of the disturbingly obscene and degrading pap smear pic), i present my ode to ob/gyn in a pictoral compliation of
A Ridicoulously Simple Guide to OB/GYN Procedures
Pap Smears
definition: gynelogical exam that consists of swabbing cervical tissues and screening for atypia, dysplasia commonly due to HPV and other STDs.
in laymen's terms: think of it as...
spelunkering
+
an infested peach, (this of course is in reference to the movie knocked up where Dr. Quin makes an analogy of a woman's cervix to a ripened peach. he's my new hero. kickass movie, go watch it.)
Other Consideration:
- suppress juvenile attempts at humor by imitating the echo effect. ie: "helllLloooOooOO can you hear me in there helllOoHelloOoHellOooOooo can can can can you you you hear me me me in there?!??!"
-avoid awkward eye contacts at all costs.
Transvaginal Ultrasound
definition: an ultrasound specifically designed for the use in the vagina, hence transvaginal ultrasound, duhhhhh. typically used for diagnostic workup of unexplained discharge, bleeding, anatomical anomalies, and etc.
in laymen's terms: think of it as...
+
Other Considerations:
-uncanny resemblance to
-resist juvenile urges to imitate lightsabre sound effects.
-avoid awkward eye contact at all cost
Cryotherapy
definition: freezing aparatus used in curative treatments of genital warts, cervical dysplasia, etc
in laymen's terms: think of it as...
+
raspberry clusters: a close resemblence of genital warts. mmmm appetizing indeed!
other considerations:
-uncanny resemblance to
-resist juvenile attempts to chill drinks, freeze leftovers, or cool armpits.
-avoid awkward eye contact at all cost
in retrospect, i guess ob/gyn has held more memories, unique experiences and venue for drunken bar stories than any of my previous rotations. and you're probably right, i probably need a hobby, a life, or find more constructive use of my time - sayyyyyyyyy as in studying for the upcoming boards or doing my pediatric cases. sadly, xanga remains one of the only creative/corny outlet i have left to vent my pent up fraustration from the field of medicine, self-loathe, and this God-forsaken town.
on to pediatrics and my final month in this town. for most of july i shall be in nova then park's bachelor party at montreal then tentatively,
august - chicago
september - newark, delaware
october - allentown, pa
november - pittsburg, pa
december - johnson city, tn
come visit if you happen to be in the area...
o and...
go rent this, such a kickass movie. kim ah joong is suchaaaa hottie.
past several entries have been dedicated to accounts of misadventures, mishaps, and medical follies that chronicle my expereinces as a 3rd year medical student. sadly, that's about the only remotely interesting thing happening in my vapid, mind numbing, and mundane life. its purty lame, i know. alas, here's another...
several days ago i walk in the room to discover a thirty-something patient waiting for an annual gyn exam. my doc asks her if she would mind having a student present in the room. she looks a tad bit flabbergasted and responds with a tone of concern and sincereity, " i mean i guess its fine with me but omgosh, is he old enough to be in here? is he like 15? is it ok for him to see stuff like this?" and then she proceeds on with "oh wait, can he even understand english?"
somehow hilarity ensues as the nurse nearly burst into tears of laughter and storms out the room exclaiming "omg omg i think i'm gonna pee." I actually couldn't help but laugh myself. i hate people .
Muussssssssssst resist bodily urges to use stethoscope and stealth like ninja skills to strangle the living bimbo out of her. Musssssstttttttt resist tempations of shoving a speculum down her throat and pap smearing her brain for signs of intelligence. Musssssssst resist.
O btw, for those uninitiated a speculum looks like...
and then you insert it into the vagina and use the lever to dilate it, like so...
then you view the cervix and it should look something like this...unless of course you have STD's because you're a woman with loose morales that hands out their vaginas like it's hot cakes.
and from the cervix's perspective, had it had eyes, it would look something like this....
me holding my breath and going ewwwwwww....shortly, i shall be liberated from pap smears, forever.
on a different note, while not totally unrelated, this weekend mike and i decided to go visit lin in bmore. got hammered and on the way to start the night we dropped by B of America's ATM. mike went first - routine cash withdrawal, nothing out of the ordinary. then my turn came and i inserted my wachovia atm card and proceeded to punch in my pin number. then it occured to me, something just wasn't right. mind boggled and inebriated, i waved for the others to get their second opinions. they agreed, it wasn't liquor induced delusions...
WTF?!?!? why or how is it in korean? how'd the bastard know i was korean? and no, i'm positive there was no language selection option at the prompt screen bc for one thing, since when was korean ever an option? its always spainish or english. is this some sort of individualized market strategy? mike's theory is that new ATM's have an uncanny ability to sniff out fob's like me from a mile away. i'm convinced. great, even an ATM thinks i can't speak english....racist ATMs .
-edit-
to note, michael KIM didn't have this problem, so i'm going to dismiss the "storing and recognizing of last names to ethnicity" theory. besides, isn't that some sort of racial profiling? racist ATM.
getting paged at 2am and running to the labor and delivery room definitely has more glamour and appeal on tv dramas. it did however, end up being an intense experience.
under preceptor's supervision, CH was delivered and brought to this life by yours truly at 2:17 am. She was 19 inches in length and weighed 6lbs and 2 3/4 oz. miracles of birth - intense. that was like so totally kewlllllllll dood! made me wanna giggle like a teeny bopper, teehehehehe. i could do this for a living...
naw, not really. i still hate ob, just got a bit more bearable.
btw, those who believe a female's physique and anatomy in aesthetic beauty is far superior than a male's - you've obviously never done a pap smear. disgusting, i hate ob.
during surgery yesterday somehow the conversation shifted to alternative career paths. this scrub nurse, in all sincereity and with no malicious intent blurts "oh Sung you should be a jockey, you'd be so good at it."
initially, it didnt occur to me what she meant. then it hit like a shitstorm. she's implying i'm short and small. granted i am probably both that, i am still gonna stab her in her ovaries next time she hands me a scalpel.
well, surgeries over only ob/gyn + pediatrics left before this hellish year wraps up.
my ode to surgery.
i hate surgery. i hate morning scrubs, i hate surgicept, i hate stupid hair nets, surgical masks. i hate green scrubs what am i a freakin lephrechaun? blue (medical) scrubs so kicks the crap outta green(surgical) scrubs. i hate how betadine somehow drips down on the only uncovered areas of your shoes, i hate ball freezing OR rooms, i hate sneezing and contaminating the sterile field and getting bitched at, i hate it when you're scrubbed in and ur face/balls itch. cauterizing through human flesh/fat smells like sahm gyup shar but not as appetizing. i hate arterial splashes, i hate needle sticks - thank God this patient didnt' have hiv or heps. i hate making grown men "cough", i hate fingering a butthole, i hate gallbladders, i hate my arms going numb from holding traction on fatties, all fatties should be banned from surgery. i hate scrub nurses who says i should be a jockey. thank God its over.
i had quite possibly the heartiest weekend since my arrivial here at the dreaded bumfock, va. the doc i'm working with right now, very kind hearted and considerate man invited us out on saturday to visit him in his 140 acre farmhouse. well, it's not your run of the mill run down crickety, barnlike farmhouse. in actuality i think it should be more aptly referred to as farm-MANSION, i digress.
we fed the moocows, vaccinated two of em, dewormed em and got to drive this
my preceptor's your typical gun toting, NRA supporting, trigger happy farmer that makes no effort to hide it. in particular he likes WWI/II guns of historical significance. he has a concrete armory/vault made of fortified steel in his basement that could easily double as a bunker. y he would need a bunker in the middle of bumfock, va is beyond i as well.
his vault
a small sample of his "enough guns to start a revolution" arsenal.
authentic israeli issued uzi. lotsa arcade games were based on this gun in the 90's.
AR-15
jenny with her .22 cal peashooters
that's an authentic wwII luger used by the nazi's - and that's a cuban in me mouf - so full of sexiness.
so sexy, so powerful yet so finesse
my roomie tinaynay - tish with her gangsta ak
hands down my favorite gun as well. not as accurate but ak's packs quite a nice punch and gives you that sense of outlaw. like a communist!!
finished off the day climbing the other side of his farm.
the view was breathtaking, so mesmerizing...
.
so mesmerizing that it inspired me to demonstrate my appreciation for life by breakdancing. ok jk that's me doing some kickass cartwheels. gawd, i'm such a kick-ass-cartwheel-do-er.
lastly, this is me making retarded race car noises. jenny said to do so. while if jenny told me jump of a bridge i probably wouldn't - uhhh i think... but if she requests i do something stupid, i'm like your new puppy, so eager to please.
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