yeah ok so since leaving Cedarville, and being so unsure of whether or not I wanted to return I came to realize that the place I disliked the most at times was the only place I wanted to be once I was here at home. Don't get me wrong home is sweet and I really do miss my friends here, but to be perfectly honest this is not home and neither is Ohio, desolate and alone I feel like a wanderer, where am I going to live, what am I going to drive and how in the world am I going to pay for everything that I have to in order to survive this next year. So many things I am just so worried about, they tell u that u grow up when u have to not when u want to, and well i guess I have to now and I just can't take this whole figure your life out today dealio. It is not me I am a free bird who goes with the flow and does what I love, whatever my heart is passionate for.

 My family has been great and I am enjoying how close we are getting but I am missing out on something. Like a hole in a mural or a missing piece to a puzzle, it is like it is all there in front of me, everything I need is there for me and it is all arranged so nicely but 1 piece is missing, and in the back of my head I know what it is but in the front of my mind it won't allow it. It is an endless cycle, why can;t I just break free and let it all be His, I have no control but I act as though I do, what is wrong with me and the battle inside, can't sleep, don't want to eat n in general I am just disatisfied  with myself. I am a poser and I can fake what I am and pretend to be good, but my heart tells all and it is torn apart. no worries though tomorrow is another day and it will all be just fine.

Yeah so life is crazy busy...ahhhh sometimes I just need to chill and get away but the funny thing is that I don't have time. Anyway my friend wade just bought the cutest dog ever and he named it skeeter, so funny and so so so adorable. Oh and me and my friend Lisa twirped these 2 guy friends of ours and it was the most amazing time ever, we had to sacrifce alot for them but they had fun. So I been thinking and just wanted to say that I am so lucky I get to live in America, eat some amazing food and get fat, spend time with quality people, worship God openly, honestly and freely, go thrifting, throw parties, do homework, learn about the body and exercise, my life is pretty fricken sweet and I owe it all to God, he is amazing and I am thankful... if u r having a down day or just want some encouragement or just want to smile, think about all the amazing things u have, it always makes me smile to think about the great life I have and it should strive us to live a more glorifying life for God! Love ya all hope all is well and I may post agian sometime if I feel like it!