yea so .. its been a minute, haha! a little mad right now, so Ashley called me and asked me if i would come in bc she didnt feel good n wanted to go home so i went into work .. and she called this other person and next thing u know they come .. and i am already clocked in and everything, i was pissed!! also pissed bc the fuckin picture place in walmart is fucking me round .. we went and got Jr.s xmas pictures done .. and i was suppose to have them by now .. uh imma go and rase hell, lol!!! but yea... nothing has really been happening, just getting ready for the holidays .. cant wait till xmas! aww we got this oh so cute little santa outfit for Jr. aww hes gonna look soooo cute! omg its gonna be a bussy day tho, so many places to go! speaking of work and xmas .. imma be pissed if i work .. bc the one store i always work weekends in the morning .. and if i work in the morning ill be good .. but if its after 12 i wont fuckin work .. i dont see why she cant get sumone else .. shes so fuckin over staff and outta all fuckin people she picks ME! jsut like on turkey day i had to work .. kinda pissed me off a lil! but if i do work ill tell her i cant work .. and if she say i got to then i wont go in, and if i get fired i get fired .. im lookin for another job anyways .. but yea!

Update on Jr. .... well, he can crawl but he rather roll, haha, and he is standing on his feet well, like he will hold on to the couch and kinda walk along it, gosh and hes getting so big :), and he wants to talk so bad but cant, i know he really wants to lol!! hes just such a happy baby, and i love it!! spoiled tho, lol!

Update on Big alan and i .. we are doing GREAT .. hopefully after xmas .. we are gonna start to make a move or sumin .. i really hope we do, i kinda wanna get out on my fuckin own, ya kno??

Well imma get going .. i gotta get doin school work .. or imma fail, i have to have soo much shit made up by the 12 its crazy i got sum all nighters to pull which i can do .. but damn its gonna catch up to me reallllll fuckin bad and imma end up sleepin for lik a week straight haha .. its happened b4, its crazy shit yo! but yea..

ROXIE .. DONT WORRIE ERRYTHING WILL BE AIGHT AND I AM HERE .. WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED .. EVEN IF I AINT GOT IT I WILL GET IT AND GIVE IT TO YOU! LOVE YOU BABY!!1 <333

yea i think its time for an update .. well things have been soo fuckin shitty .. i honestly dont know what to do anymore.  i just feel like giving up but i cant, i just fuckin cant... and i hate the fact that im such a fucking caring person.. i fuckin hate it .. thats the shit that make me more upset anymore .. just nothing is right .. everytimetime somthing GOOD happens sumin BAD ALWAYS has to happen to fuck it up!!!! :( Sometimes i just REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY wish i was just a lil kid again .. i always end up holding all my fuckin feelings inside and it makes me go insane .. and i just have such a HORRIBLE attitude anymore .. and i take all my anger out on everyone that i shouldnt be takin it out on ... and that makes me feel even more horrible.  hell the other day i swear i was having a stress attack .. but i didnt do anything about it .. it hurt sooo fuckin bad.  UH I JUST DONT FUCKIN KNOW ANYMORE!  i dont think my life is EVER i mean NEVER gonna go good.  i think i cursed .. i have NO ONE to talk to really .. and that is also what is really killing me.

ill stop talkin bout my problems and get on a betta note ...

Jr. is crawling now :) i am sooooo happy! but he is terrorizing(sp) the house haha .. he likes to pull the carpet, lol its so cute tho.  but he is gettin really big:) .. also i got a kitten :) so happy ... she looks just like angel :):):) .. and this weekend .. i got to see kristi in like 73497398743274 years! aww im jealous of her house .. it is sooo beautiful!!! but i missed her alot .. we caught up on sum shit .. i miss her alot!! but yea .. theres not much good stuff happenin in my life lately .. so imma go .. i got alotta shit i need to do .. and its 11 but oh well .. i just feel that like one of these days everything is just gonna kill me .. im not gonna be able to take it anymore ...

wish i could run away from it all, but i cant .. i just gotta try and keep my head up and stay strong for my son :)

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heres a few songs tellin how i been feeling lately .. i have no body to talk to anymore .. i dont talk to my 2 bestest Roxie and Kristi anymore .. i miss them .. im tiered of always holding my feelings and pain i all the time .. and im tiered of crying .. when am i gonna accually be able to be happy again? the only thing that makes me smile is my son .. and i thank the lord everyday for him .. bc is he wasnt here today .. who knows wat trouble id be in .. or if i would still be alive or not .. hell i miss everyone i feel so left out anymore .,. and it hurts so bad to not talk to my friends i miss them all .. roxie kristi jessica kristen ali rissa megan jes jess crystal jackie and so many more .. the other day when i was at my dads .. i was lookin threw old pics when i was growing up .. it hurt so bad knowing that all that has changed and those times ill never have back .. imma just name sum songs .. if ya bored look up the lyrics or unless u already know the song .. but these are the feelings i have anymore ..

Simple Plan- Welcome yo my life

Smile Empty Soul- Bottom of a bottle

Smile Empty SOul- Silhouettes

Smile Empty Soul- With this knife

Vivian Green- Wish we could go back

----theres more i will put on here then .. i just wanna go and get a bath .. i might finish it up tonight .. depends i got work in the morning .. so byes </3

DAMN! Its been a minute, but yea .. things have been crazy lately and reallly bussy!  Well first off i wanna say HAPPY BIRTHDAY RJ <33333333333! Today is my bros bday!!!  Well i got another job, so i am curently workin 2 jobs .. in schoool...and takin care of my beautiful son<33!!  So for alla them jealous girls out there just flappin their jaws can stick it up their asses bc it aint affecting me at all!  But on another note .. not everything has been going to good .. i gotta get outta my moms house .. there is just toooooo many fuckin people here .. and im sick and tiered of my shit gettin stolen and what not .. imma bout to knock sum lil girl out, lol!  Alan has been at my dads for the last 2 weeks working wit him .. My brother hasnt been doing to good .. he keeps gettin in trouble and he has to go to court i think next week... there going to do sumin where like no alla the trouble he got into DOES NOT come off his record .. and if he has to go to court after that they are gonna take him and place him they say!  And Rj can not quite smokin and thats whats prob gonna end up doing it for him .. he already admitted to his PO twice that he has ... so that he wouldnt fail his piss test!  And carlisle keeps kickin him out, he got kicked out 2 times already this year, so hes prob going into PDELA .. which that is what i am in, that would help him out a bunch!  Just HOPEFULLY carlisle dont fuck him over like they did me, WHICH we might sue carlisle now .. GOSH, i hope we do! Haha speakin of sueing schoools, my mom can go after CV, but anyways!! AND  MY GRANDPARENTS ARE STILL FUCKIN SUPER DUPER GAY anymore!! Oh for Halloween .. the little one ig going as Tigger, that is IF we can find sumin that fits him .. if not i got another idea, tehe!  Cant wait till he has his firs Halloween <33!! Ahh he will be 8 months on the 16, i am so happy, my baby is gettin big and healthy!  Well folks ima bounce i got school work to do, WHICH i am doing horrible in Science reallllllllly bad!!

<3autz ..