Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Because I haven't been blogging for a really long time : )

Writing a diary feels more real, even though it's more tiring. I think blogging makes people sound so hostile. Putting thoughts to words can be quite dangerous sometimes. So, better to keep the danger to yourself : )

Read my old blog last night.

Self-confidence has been low.

Instinctively, you'll always be of a lower league. Hard to explain.

Haven't blogged since Labour Day. I do miss Labour Day quite a bit Even though that sounds quite weird and retarded. Hahaha but Labour Day was really really fun. And I felt so free & happy. Another day like that will come soon, I'm sure.

I feel like throwing away everything and going to some hut at the beach and stay there forever until June holidays come. Bring all my books there to study then I will have a teleporting machine there. So I can teleport to school/MOELC then teleport back whenever I want to. But nobody will realize I'm missing for things that I don't feel like going for. And I will have a resort just beside the hut and happy people going to the beach everyday! Hahaha, cheap thrill. Quite impossible. Or should I just say, impossible(full-stop)

I finished studying my Physics but I freaking forgot to bring my Physics TYS and my AM textbook home can you believe it. But whatever, what's done is done. I shall work with what I have! Haven't studied AM though. But I haven't been wasting my time okay. Was studying for my Japanese CA2 on Monday. Because I decided I've had enough of getting lousy marks for Japanese. Quite late to decide that now. But better late than never what right I feel like I'm running out of time to study. I feel like O lvls is coming in a month or something. But, it's not exactly very far away either. Shizzzzzzz.

My brother got 26 for his prelims, starting studying for his O lvls only during his 1 week break and got a freaking 11. "Aiya, O levels nothing one lah." Greatz.

I feel like my whole life is overwhelmed with studying now. But that's fine, just a few more months. I have like Japanese stuffs pasted all over my room. So that's the first thing I'll see when I wake up. I'm sure if I'm willing, I'll improve and show everyone that I'm not an idiot at Japanese! I really am not lorrrrr, I got 89/100 for overall in Sec 1 okay. Hahaha, but that was Sec 1, so shut up.

The thought that I was stupid never came up to my mind before. Last time I just used to tell myself I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not trying as hard as others. Recently, I actually realized thoughts of 'No, you're not stupid.' running through my head in the brainwashing tone. I will go back to my conclusion that I'm just not trying hard enough, soon. I hope my efforts to improve don't go to waste. I've been trying really hard I swear.

I'm sure disappointment will kick in somewhere. I'm prepared, but when that comes, someone please remind me not to be demoralized. Because I secretly will be. Then I'll waste 1 whole day stoning. And I'm actually scared for tomorrow's Physics test. Never study = not scared. Study = damn scared.

I realize my fear of the unknown is quite strong.

I don't wanna improve my life at such a fast pace anymore. I feel like all the acid & alkalis in my life becoming water (pH7). Like all the juice in the watermelon becoming dry, left the shell. Hahaha, what a weird analogy. But it really feels like that.

I don't want my efforts to go to waste.

My ultimate dream is still: 4Faith on Honour Roll.

Very hard I know. On the Honour Roll last year was like all EC classes. And everybody wants to go to RJ. Hahaha I only wanna go there cause it's near my house. Other than that, I have no other goal. What a noob. Hahahaha. Whatever lah, the path will clear when the time comes.

I want to sleep now. But it's so hot and I haven't studied for my AMaths test.

I was really distressed this morning when I was late for NPCC Day. I've never been like that. I used to not care even when I was late, so not used to myself being so uptight about being late. I hate things I cannot apprehend.

And the thought that my boots are not shining have actually been bothering me and stuck in my mind, which is weird and irritating because it refuses to get out. I just feel like, I'm not meeting my own expectations and that is a totally @#!#$!@% feeling.

I'm just gonna sleep at wake up at 4.30 to study Math. I'm sure I can't concentrate now.

And I felt like having a hut at the beach because I listened to Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

I have no idea what I'm doing these days.

Studying is my new way of breathing <3 (not).

The only thing I fear about people reading my blog, is that they realize I'm not as simple as I appear to be afterall.

But everyone's critical of everything what, don't you think so?

The difference is only whether people say it out or not.

Isn't being critical just part of ugly human nature?

Read Tween & BBF's past blogs and realized that our days were not exactly very eventful in Sec 1. We just played basketball everyday, go to Funland during weekends, play the same few games and waste all our money there (+ buying Big Gulp when we play basketball) and saying bye to Shawn they all (who were 'unknowns' to us then) It was a routine, that went on for months. But we were really happy.

It's either our lives are too eventful now, or we just expect too much because our expectations grow as we grow. Because we start seeing more of the world, which includes the uglier side. And start to realize that somethings if others do, we don't do, we'll lose out. So we start doing it also.

I should stop being critical. Because being critical is not very good. It makes you a very scheming and unpredictable (in a bad way) person.

My resolution for now is to: start being nicer to everyone and stop criticizing in my head. Everything starts from the head what right? How you treat the person, your impression of the person, it all starts from the head. When the thought comes up to your mind and you don't put in effort to stop it from developing, it'll have a really bad effect, worse and much larger than you think it actually has. For the simple reason, that everything starts in the head.

I think nobody should read this far. Because like what chenlaoshi said, I'm being long-winded again. Write too much lit essays, must elaborate and explain. Hahahaha.

My life has been still a mess. Haven't been feeling organized for a very long time. Wrote my '10 Ways To Improve Your Life' in class today. Trying to make myself feel better/make my life better.

So I'll stop being so pessimistic. (Started since I don't know when)

Today was good. I'll be happy.

And Happy Birthday Joseph