"Bring The Rain" - Mercy Me

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Finally getting back to where we started.  This two-year journey has had too many ups and downs to count.  I don't even think I would have enough space to blog about all that has transpired in my life in the last two years.  One of my friendships has been through hell and back, and then again.  Mostly from bad choices on both of our parts...and basically when it all boils down to it...no excuses...high-risk choices created chaos and heartache. 

Tonight this song speaks directly to my heart.

I think my trust in people is slowly diminishing again....possibly even more rapidly than I would like to realize.  I'm tired of being the good friend.  The friend that has your back, and the first one left high and dry when I need someone/something.  I sit here thinking about all that I hold dear as far as my friendships, and pray that I have been a better friend than how I feel right now about certain people in my life.  So, then I question...is it time to completely let go?  When I think about completely letting go....this comes to mind:

song by Natalie Grant
Held

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell
We’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
 
This is what it means to be held.  
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell
We’d be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

I know this is talking about someone losing a child, but for me it goes deeper.  Sometimes my dreams, desires become my child (idol if I am really real with myself).  So, when things fall apart and don't add up in the end.  I feel cheap changed and left with the short end of the stick.  I want a friend that has my back, who is going to be loyal...even when it is hard.  I want a friend that is going to really care when something is going on in my life.  Who will be the one to stand up for whatever I'm not able to. 

Every few years, as I change and the people in my life change, I go through this difficult stage.  It is heart breaking for me, and completely devastating when I have people go in and out of my life.  It is one draw back from building authentic relationships.