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Huh.

Wow, it's been almost a whole year since I've written. Xanga's blocked on my college's internet, so I can only write from home, and I'm almost never here. But here I am. I was just reading about how I almost changed my major last summer and then didn't. Guess what? I got the same crazy idea this summer. I really do want to change my major to Vocal Performance and Pedagogy. I'm just not satisfied with the major I have now. Now I wish I had changed it last year. I've already been in college for four years, so it's RIDICULOUS to change my major now. If I don't change it, I will graduate next May. Five years of college--that's not bad. A lot of people take five years to get a four-year degree. But if I change my major (keep in mind, I would be changing from one music major to another, not too drastic of a change), it would take me one additional year (six years to get a four-year degree). And I will have "wasted" about a semester's worth of credits. And I don't even know if my academic advisor will approve it. Maybe I'll let that be the deciding factor. I really don't mind spending another year in college to work toward the degree that I really want. I feel like I've kind of just been goofing around in college, working toward a degree but having no idea what I'm going to do with it. But now I'm actually thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. And I feel that in order to do what I really want I need to graduate with this major. Now I could go ahead and graduate with my current major and then work toward the other one, but that would take even longer. I'm willing to put in six years, but NO MORE! If I spend six years in college I will graduate in the year 2010 at the age of 25. That's kinda cool. Of course, if I forget about this whole crazy idea, I could graduate in 2009 at the age of 24, but what would I do after that?  Would I be able to get a good job using my God-given abilities and be satisfied with life? Or would I be stuck working at my current job (at a grocery store) with a useless degree? And then have to commit two more years of my life to getting a better one? Maybe it is a good idea to change it now. I'm convinced that that's what I really want.

I feel like I'm finally starting to figure things out, and yet I feel like I'm never going to get it all figured out. I wish I would have known exactly what I wanted to do when I graduated from high school, went immediately to college, and graduated in four years. Then I would have graduated a year ago and would already have my career started. But I was (am) immature for my age. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've learned from them and I've grown up a lot. I feel like I'm still behind, like I'm not nearly as mature as I should be at this point in my life. But maybe I can catch up. I'm ready to grow up now.

I'm Not Quite As Crazy Now

I'm Crazy!

So yesterday I got this crazy idea that maybe I should change my major. It's a little late for this since I'm a junior, but it wouldn't be too drastic of a change, and I wouldn't waste any credits. See right now my major is Music and Youth ministry, which is actually two minors. But I'm almost completely done with my music credits, and there's a lot of other music classes I would really like to take. I'm not satisfied with the level I'm at with my voice and I want to learn more about music theory. I was just going to take a few music classes for fun after I graduate, but now I think I want them to count toward a degree. I want to major in Vocal Performance and Pedagogy and keep my youth ministry minor. But that means I would be in college for 2 1/2 to 3 more years instead of 2.  I know other people who have stretched their bachelor's degree into a six-year program, but I really didn't think I would be one of those people! And then there's the concern of finances. More credits means more money that I don't have. But I really want to do this! Is this a bad idea?

Venting

I'm glad my sister doesn't have a xanga right now because she is the object of my venting. My sister has a boyfriend. How do I feel about that? Well, right now I hate it. When she first told me that they were official, I vowed to be supportive. She told me that her best friend was jealous about it and it was hurting their relationship and she didn't want it to hurt our relationship.  I told her it wouldn't. Sure I was a little jealous that my little sister got a boyfriend before me, but I was also happy for them. Really. I told her that. He really is a quality Christian guy.  And our families have known each other for years. I think they might just be perfect for each other. So why did I want to slap him when he was holding her hand tonight?! I think it was a lot more than my being jealous of her having a boyfriend. I think I despise him for stealing her from me. I've been home for a week now, and I've barely seen my sister. Her boyfriend (yuck, I don't even want to call him that) has been either out with her or at our house every evening except two. And she spent one of those evenings talking on the phone with him. The one evening that we had together, she was really cranky after a long day at work, and she said something really hurtful to me. She apologized later, and I said I forgave her, but I'm not sure if I have. I definitely still feel the hurt from it. If she's worried about her relationship with her boyfriend hurting our relationship, then why isn't she making any effort to maintain our relationship? I feel like I've lost my best friend.

Has anybody else been in this situation? Help me out please! I hate this. In fact, I'm crying about it. Am I just being immature?

Does anybody besides the one person who leaves me comments even read this?