oo! la! la!

http://www.fatfreekitchen.com/negative-calorie-foods.html

this is my goal for spring break 2006.

"She strikes a pose, but she dies inside, no body knows, she's a silent suicide"

ugh.

i was doing good with only one bowl of cereal and a banana for breakfast........about 200 cals maybe....then lunch came...NACHO's......then 3 nutterbutter cookies.....with chocolate milk....i swear i cant wait to get back to school....

i feel like a failure. i know that what happened between reid and i had to happen right now. i have to restore some things with my family...and learn to trust more...especially God....sheesh. for being a pastor's daughter im pretty messed up....arent we supposed to be the kids without the problems and

blah. blah. blah.

everyone expects me to have it so easy. try NOT. my mother died and my overprotective father became even more overprotective....i mean im 20 years old...my dad still treats me like a child...he says he has my best interest in mind but if he knew my interest he'd know it has REID in the picture too. i feel broken again. i feel fat again. my family is mad at me and thinks im up to no good if i go hang out with my friends. they watch everything i eat. in some ways i want to come home from school to prove to them i can be trusted but if i do i know ill be watched even closer.

*sigh*

my heart is heavy. i miss reid.

maybe ill go eat another cookie so i can make myself feel better until i look in the mirror again.......

EDIT: ha. wow. i resisted the cookie. actually i barely ate dinner. good job elle.

right now its bad.

chocolate ice cream.

binges.

sugar.

cookies.

candy.

fat. fat. fat.

lonliness. i miss ried. dad i hope youre smiling. ashley i hope youre happy. josh and zach....i hope you love me more. heres to my family. goodbye to my happiness.

p e r f e c t i o n .

what does everyone know about being vegan?

not vegetarian but vegan?

not a happy new year.

me and reid are done.

my dad can now smile.

im back into depression.

and i feel fat.

yay! 2006.....

burn.

EDIT: for the challenge.

this week will be horrible im sure b/c i am still home from school. i plan on going back friday or so. my family makes me eat with them and watches everything i eat. last time i weighed myself i was at 124. i will post my measurements later. tomorrow i promise to post everything.

as far as intake/damage today i did extremely bad.

breakfast: 1 piece of french toast with sugar free syrup....somewhere around 150-200 cals

lunch: crackers and cheese.....somewhere prolly around 200 cals

dinner: applebees quesa and cheese.......over 500 cals im sure

snack: milkshakes............300-400 cals maybe?

TOTAL POINTS: zero. nada. zilch.

exercise was....

so yes today was bad....considering the workout consisted of walking and stairs.....i know....i suck...id say totally maybe 20-30 minutes

TOTAL POINTS: 4

ive also probably had 4-5 glasses of water

TOTAL POINTS: 5

BUT!!!! i did a lot of housework today b/c i was packing for school and stuff....i prolly worked a good 5 hours so.....

TOTAL POINTS: 25

so all together my ULTIMATE TOTAL would be about 34

h o r r i b l e .

i promise things will improve when i get away from these people.