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| | Randomnessmy random ramblings as i reflect this LD weekend ...
i was blessed to have three different friends spend their LD weekend in baltimore/dc area. it's funny, b/c it didn't dawn on me until this evening the irony of these friends.
first, i had a friend from childhood visit from ny. i've known her since 2nd grade, and we went to high school. together. it was a love-hate relationship (so so so many cat fights). today, i have nothing but love for her. the overflowing type, where you didn't even know you had it in you to love a person so unconditionally and to unselfishly want so much for a single person. if anything good happens, i hope it happens to her. my friend cynthia. i think the fact we had a love-hate relationship growing up has eventually brought us to where we are today. it's one of those risky things-- our fights could've very well led us to continue to dislike one another & we would've been lifetime nemeses, but instead, our fate fell to the other side (thankfully) & we're sisters. we don't keep in touch very well (other than our annual conversations), but when i see her, it's like seeing my other -more fun & outgoing- self.
second, my college friend came from ny (for the 2nd weekend in a row  ). this time, she came with a posse. but, posse or no posse, she has a spark of life that brings me to life. she's so goofy, and i love the fact that i can just be as stupid as i want to be, b/c i know giggles will be in tow. esther c. she gets me. she really gets me. and i love that she gets me! we play off each other, and other people probably think we're oh-so-juvenile, but she keeps me young. she lets me laugh at my own stupidity and silliness, and there's no such thing as judgment. she sees me for who i am, flaws and all, and still loves and accepts me. the thing that i love most about esther is her stubborn inability to let go of people, no matter how sh1tty we can be. she has a faith that's stronger than any potent mixture of metals you will ever find (yes, she's that stubborn); she tirelessly serves people, even if she never gets anything in return. and, i know, sometimes, that's a huge burden to bear-- to always give for nothing in return-- but she's a smart gal, and relies on God to refill her. to me, she is everything that's fun, fresh, and good, and i hope that i can only be as genuine a friend as she is to me. she only deserves so much, and more.
third, my law school friend also came from ny. although i didnt get to see her, our futile attempts did me allow to meet up with 2 other law school friends for a meal in georgetown. a very girly dinner at a posh restaurant followed by drinks at a lounge. i think back to the dark, dark days we collectively call law school ... and i can see how different each of us have become. a particular friend used to be so annoyingly flaky, but now, she bends over backwards to meet us. she admits she never had many friends (her enormous family has served as her social support her entire life), so i dont think she understood friendship, or maybe, she thought she didn't need us. but somewhere around 3L, she started to be incredibly committed to us, and the change was amazing. the dynamics of our friendship completely changed, and i can honestly say that i love the girls i met. they're so loyal, it taught me a different, deeper type of loyalty to friends. maybe since we were all females, it sort of reminded me of a sorority (esp with all the drinking we did). with so many things on my mind, i realized how flaky & selfish i could be & i hated it. b/c i hated other people's flakiness, i had to try 100x harder to make it to certain appointments, or dinner dates, or study groups; i refused to be a hypocrite. having to juggle it all helped me to prioritize, and in the end, hopefully, be a better, more loyal, more committed friend.
anyway, besides everyone was visiting from ny, everyone who came was from a very specific time period of my life: childhood/high school, college, and law school. it's incredibly strange to have these fragments of my former life here ... they each know a certain part of old-me ... and they know today-me. i hope no one is disappointed in who i have become! it was just a wild realization to think about what kind of person i was when i knew each individual, and compare that to who i am today. the frightening part is that i am not much different than i was back then. but, i guess, that's good. drastic changes are more scary, anyway, and probably proves to be problematic. i'd like to think i've fine tuned myself, tweaking things that i dont like, keeping things i do like... and most importantly, i like to think i'm a reflection of my friends; by seeing the good in them, i'd like to think i emulate their positives.
i guess what i realized this weekend is the profound impact friends have on a person. while events and external circumstances certainly shape one's character, the people you surround yourself with also has a deep (maybe deeper), profound influence on who you are, and who you eventually become. i've learned to be who i am today b/c of my friends; anything good that is in me, anything salvageable in me, is a direct result of what my friends (including my parents and family, of course) have taught me. they show me the value of particular qualities through our relationships, and im almost always humbled, b/c they are all so much better than i could ever be in any quality. it's time to start being a better friend. if it's true what they say -- that you're only as good as your friends -- then, i better step it up a notch. i'd hate to be the one that brings everyone down. i'm freaking lucky. i <3 all my friends, b/c they make me better. [is that enough cheese for you guys?]
| | | Posted 9/3/2007 9:24 PM - 1 comments
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